I Just Love My Addict Spouse, But Yet They Always Hurt Me
Erin Snow, Clinical Director for Seeking Integrity, joins Tami on this episode to help talk about the importance of internal and regulation work, while also healing your hurt inner child. She speaks to betrayed spouses who are in love or have grief from loving their addict spouse, and more in today’s episode.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:45] He claims to be sober, but he’s doing nothing to be sober?
[4:00] Men struggle to create intimate bonds with other men.
[15:50] It takes work to counteract what the brain wants to do.
[18:15] Most people who struggle with addiction don’t even know what they want at the moment.
[20:55] Losing a friend is painful. Losing a partner? Even more so. It takes a lot of work to be comfortable in your own skin.
[22:45] Erin talks about a woman’s retreat and how empowering it can be for women who have addicts in their lives.
[24:50] These women all share the same pain; loving their addict.
[28:55] Life isn’t fair, but you can always choose to focus on yourself!
[29:20] We are separated and in couple’s therapy. I’m in grief. How do I practice self-care on a daily basis?
[38:20] Sometimes addicts just don’t want to make the decision to leave, so the partner has to do it for them.
[45:20] A porn addiction has damaged our relationship. How can we reconnect sexually again?
[53:10] He is addicted to prostitutes. I depend on him and he resents me. How do I heal?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
QUOTES
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“The most beautiful thing about treatment is men are forced to develop intimate bonds with other men.”
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“So for 20 years you’ve used problematic behaviors and then you magically stop it, and you’re all good? Denial is the biggest component of addiction.”
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“Doing the work is unfair (as a betrayed spouse), nobody should have to do it, but it is a gift to get to the other side of regulation.”
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