Last week we talked about how feeling isolated, alienated and alone fuel pain.

Guilt and fear are part of the equation of isolation.

We are likely to experience guilt when we feel separate.

And when we feel separate we are likely to fear judgment from others.

Judgement means potential alienation.

And alienation threatens our basic human need to belong which can trigger our fear of survival and become a breeding ground for pain.

Pain is pain is pain.

Meaning emotional pain is mental pain is physical pain.

One manifests as the other.

And one feeds into the other.

Guilt can lead to judgement and blame and shame and self criticism and negative self talk.

All of which fan the flames of chronic pain, anxiety, depression and chronic illness.

Being human is messy especially when living in survival mode.

What makes being human even more complicated is believing that we need to be perfect each step along the way.

Because, after all, part of being human is making mistakes and learning and growing from them.

Just think how toddlers learn to walk. They don’t get it right the first time around. If there ever was a thing called getting it right we only get it right by getting it wrong over and over and over again.

But if we believe we need to be perfect then any mis-step or mistake can set off the fear of surivival and sound the alarm signals of pain.

And this holds us back from living life.

And creates the climate for the doom cycle of fear and pain to spiral, leaving us spinning out of control.

People pleasing, over-achieving, lack of boundaries, putting our own needs on the back burner are all ways to manage guilt and fear and avoid pain.

But pain avoidance only makes pain worse.

It leads to a death-grip of control which invariable cues more fear and more pain and more illness.

Because beneath the control is fear and guilt and feelings of being separate from the whole.

But when we can accept ourselves as we are, and experience ourselves as connected to the whole, we can stop prejudging our actions.

Then we need not be afraid of making mistakes nor worry about what other people will think.

Instead of trying to control, well, everything, we can just do what seems right moment to moment.

This means we don’t overthink our way through life.

And with less overthinking comes less pain.

We are less stuck in the past and future and more resourced in the present.

And in the present is where true connection to ourselves and others and the universe is felt.

Then empathy can guide us rather than guilt or fear.

Guilt and fear keep us stuck in our heads, feeling separate in intellectual analysis.

Where empathy helps us live more from the heart where we can feel into ourselves and what is right.

We can feel more like ourselves and create distance between us and our pain.

As I shared in the last episode we can feel the one light shining through all eyes.

This shen, or spirit, in Chinese medicine is a recognition of our brightness, our power and our aliveness.

And in feeling connected to the whole we feel connected to ourselves.

We can feel at home within ourelves and the world.

This means less guilt, less fear and less pain.

Then the process of healing is one of discovering the truth of who we are.

Because let's face it, when we are riven by fear or guilt or judgement or shame we are driven by our survival strategies.

We begin to heal when we recognize we are not our survival strategies.

And this understanding allows our authentic nature to reveal itself beneath all of the costumes and masks we’ve accumulated in order to navigate the world and survive.

Moral of the story?

More authenticity equals less pain.

Less guarding and protection equals less pain.

Less identifying with our survival strategies equals less pain.

Less coping mechanisms equals less pain.

More self acceptance equals less pain.

Less hiding and less performing equals less pain.