A Letter To Your 21 Year Old Self

The Imperfect Mens Club Podcast

14-11-2024 • 37 mins

Mark introduces the episode and reflects on the “pregame” discussion with Jim. Jim is giving a speech in a few days to a group or around 60 to 80 college students at San Jose State in the dept of Design and construction and he wants to give them career advice and life advice to help them with the transition from school to life

Jim brings the wheel into play and shares some context for his upcoming talk. Who the audience is and the topics to be discussed

Jim expands upon the idea of the letter he recommends students write or could write to be read later in life

Jim starts to talk about the types of advice that might be helpful to this audience

His first tip is mentorship. One of Mark’s favorite topics

90% of life is jus showing up - Jim goes into great detail about what showing up means. On time, all the time and prepared with a great attitude. That is hard to do

Mark loves the simplicity of it. He asks Jim to clarify who is writing the letter to whom. Two audiences. The elder to the 21 year old and the 21 year old to himself

Jim likes the question. He thinks it’s both too

Jim says it’s both what you “should” do, but also what you “should not” do. He wants to be cautious with giving advice. Sending kids down the wrong path…so he chooses to give wisdom instead of advice

Mark chimes in in agreement. He says advice is more likely to be presumptuous and wisdom is timeless. He cites how effective experience and stories are more so than advice. He specifically speaks to people about crafting their own stories before engaging the market

Jim shares his opinion about preparing kids for socialism and then releasing them in to capitalism…and wonder why they fail

He then brings up being American first. He says anything is possible if you show up as a working American. America is a meritocracy, not a bunch of identity groups. Just be good at something

Mark wishes he could attend Jim’s an event as a fly on the wall

Mark reflects on a do-over. Find out how to work hard and then spend the rest of your life learning how to work smarter. More efficiently and delegation of things you don’t like and don ’t do well

Jim brings in some quotes

“Success is a combo of hard work, showing up and luck”

If you don’t show up…nothing will happen

People like to help people, but you need to be “referable”

Mark shares how he found his mentor…by being referable

What is referable - dependable, punctual, productive, trustworthy…

Jim says at 21 all you have is your potential. Mark’s mentor saw his potential and Mark was willing to follow his mentor’s advice’

Jim clarifies that Marks mentorship was a win for all parties. Mark learned and progressed and his mentor made a lot of money

Ark says, no one is entitled to anything

‘Im says, give yourself permission

Jim’s quote - “The harder I work, the luckier I get”

Mark loves the simplicity

Einstein - Life is an illusion. It’s all perspective

Mark says you can create your own luck…by responding well to what happens to you

Don’t blame. Get better

Mark loves the quotes. He brings in the notion of time and how we have no notion of time when he was young. Now time is a an extremely valuable asset. Hindsight is 20-20

Jim says we had time in our youth…and now we’re running out of time

Life is a marathon. Small incremental change over time

Jim speaks of self awareness. You don’t know everything…you don’t know much. “We are all actors in this movie called life…)

Mark jokes about Candid Camera. Jim thinks we all have a default movie genre. Romance, comedy, thriller, etc…

Mark says his is comedy, but comedy is not always appropriate.

Jm talks about being identified as from the Northeast because of what he looks like. Mark says he is also direct unlike most Californians

Jim talks about the influence that “Rocky” had on him as a kid

Jim says in life it’s often not what you do…it’s what you don’t do He talks about working things out as a kid with his fists and how that does n’t serve you as you age

“Never accept criticism from anyone from whom you would not seek advice”

Mark says not to allow strangers to get under your skin. “What the fuck do I care what you think of me?”

Jim wants his audience to Get at least one good takeaway

Be careful with the advice you give out to young people

Be the best version of yourself

All comparison leads to misery

Mark agrees and has fallen back on observations and reflections and telling stories instead of telling people what to do. Stories prompt reflection and critical thought

The power of a third party story