The Imperfect Mens Club Podcast

Mark Aylward

The Imperfect Mens Club Podcast is a space for men to have real, raw and sometimes difficult conversations to help guide middle aged men through hard decisions in life. Mark & Jim are are both mentors focused on serving others. Tune in to hear authentic, and often funny discussions on well-being, personal growth and professional development read less
EducationEducation

Episodes

We Look At Life Through Our Own Unique “Screens”
Oct 3 2024
We Look At Life Through Our Own Unique “Screens”
Mark introduces the topic based on Jim’s experience and the guys decide to expand on the flywheel and the 5 areas of life as “screens” that we look through He starts with money Jim shares a story about meeting some strangers and getting into a discussion about our podcast and specifically money. Jim has been getting more and more comfortable explaining our podcast He shares how one of the people was triggered by the topic of money These people were US citizens who grew up in Iran. He asked about wearing her veil and she told Jim she is not a fan of the covering but still wears it This led to a discussion of worldview Jim shares his recollection of the podcast that he listened to about money and his “screen” theory Mark transitions to profession and how different life is for entrepreneurs and those that work for others He talks about risk and the notion of playing with other people’s money Jim refers back to his discussion with the strangers from Iran. A women’s perspective Mark talks about serving men that are not encouraged to talk about emotion. He frames the podcast and the 5 areas in terms of self awareness Jim expands on the self concepts Jim tells about changing actual screens on his home and the analogy of looking at life through screens He suggests that many people go through life unaware of their screens Mark brings up masks and how different their screens are from his Mark talks about his mom and his resultant health screen as far as eating and exercising were concerned. He shares his screen about the medical and pharmaceutical industries Jim talks about his mom and dad and when they were born and their “cheap gene” Mark shares his version of the cheap gene Mark moves the discussion to relationships and brings his mom and dad back into the discussion He suggests that boys and girls tend to look for mates like their mothers and fathers The guys bring up how many people are jaded and the bitter or better phrase. How bitter people start as victims and how difficult this is to overcome Mark talks about entrepreneurship and how it shapes your version of risk. He asks Jim what his life might be like if he never played football Mark brings up grandparents and great grand parents Jim tells a story about a company that he is close to was radio and everyone was let go. He shares how an event like that shapes peoples lens about trusting companies Mark shares his experience with people who have been displaced and treated good bad and indifferent. He has arrived at a place where he is helping people be “prepared” for anything Life isn’t fair. This realization is part of becoming an adult Mark thinks that our podcast is helpful because it pushes self awareness which makes people more aware of what is true versus fair He thinks being aware of your perspectives makes you a more effective communicator Jim connects the discussion to our previous podcast episode of Amore Fatte
Things Happen For You Not To You
Sep 27 2024
Things Happen For You Not To You
Mark brings up the topic - Love of fate, love of one’s fate - "Amore Fati" Stoicism Things happen for you, not to you Personal accountability and self awareness Mark asks Jim to share the back story Three conversations with three good friends Jim did a deep dive into Amore Fate. The Japanese version “wabi sabi” The connection to imperfection People with victim mentalities are not pleasant to be around Mark talks about personal accountability and self awareness…learning through failure Jim shares a couple of pet phrases. Bitter or better and don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better Everything is a choice Mark talks about “the pause”. Don’t react. Wait. Regain objectivity Jim came up with 10 words 1.  Gratitude - Jim asks Mark about his daily practice 2. Presence - be in the moment. Mark talks about paying attention and young people struggling with attention. Jim cites California law taking phones from kids at school 3. Embrace 4. Response 5. Peace. Mark cites peace of mind 6. Meaning and the connection to suffering. Mark brings up Victor Frankel’s man’s Search For Meaning. Mark suggests that suffering m makes you stronger…it’s a choice 7. Forgiveness. Mark sheds light on forgiving yourself 8. Self Compassion. Jim says it takes work to forgive Mark talks about forgiving his ex wife 9. Mundane Beauty - Mark brings up his dad and how he sees new things with a childlike wonder Life isn’t a highlight film - Jim Mark calls the mundane practice.  Weight rooms and running stairs 10. Authenticity and inauthenticity (Our Vice President) Mark talks about applying these concepts to life Acceptance Explore your reactions to things and maybe change your reactions Look for the grace in things. Mark reframes his forgiveness of his ex wife and how he contextualizes her difficult childhood. Put yourself in the other persons shoes…gets you to grace Jim goes back to embracing. Embracing adversity Mark talks about consistency. The need to practice. It’s never done Jim frames the discussion as being a persons worldview Mark says emotional decisions are often bad decisions. Use the pause Jim says these concepts are timeless and cross cultural constructs Mark shares his daily practice and how all religions have very much the same concepts Jim revisits “don’t be nice, be kind”. Mark says nice is inauthentic Mark says we’re all going through the same shit Jim asks us to be men. There are too many boys out there DEI gets some laughs Jim shares “the search for meaning in the imperfection” He closes with meaning in the incomplete Mark frames incomplete in terms of shipping your work at 80 or 90 % complete Jim agrees completely
Civil Discourse - Are You Red Team Or Blue Team?
Sep 19 2024
Civil Discourse - Are You Red Team Or Blue Team?
Mark introduces the topic of civil discourse and reads the definition He classifies it as a worldview topic and asks Jim to chime in Jim tells the story about how he and Mark met and that the original topic of the podcast was going to be civil discourse Jim takes us around the wheel and explains where our worldview comes from. Our childhood and our political views Jim cites the current problem that we have in our country with being decided He also suggests that some of the conspiracy theories out there might likely be true Jim says we all are formed by what’s happening in our own back yard. Mark agrees Jim references our wheel again and then asks Mark to share the story that originated the topic Mark says in order to have civil discourse you need to be intentionally civil and kind Both guys agree they are slightly misaligned with regard to optimism and pessimism Jim doesn’t think “the other side” is willing to do this. They simply want to be critical Mark asks a lot of questions and stays away from accusations Mark tells his “yard sign” story He responds to 3 Harris/Walz signs his neighbors dropped with his own sign response Mark explains his positions and his take on the political argument landscape Jim jumps back in with his take on our national elections. He likes using the phrases “red team and blue team” He talks about the pandemic and the BLM riots influencing the 2020 election Mark says the division is in pursuit of control. It was purposeful and it worked. He says the blue team is better at the game Mark talks about the political terms that no longer mean anything He cites the difference between knowing, feeling and thinking Jim thinks we no longer vote “for” people, we vote “against” the other guy Mark tries to take the person out of the discussion Jim agrees, but doesn’t think people can. Jim uses the word polarization and suggests that younger people don’t concern themselves with politics.  They’re focused on getting their lives in order. He then distinguishes different generations Marks shares a bit about speaking with his daughters He calls civil discourse “mental gymnastics” Jim sees people changing the topic when they get frustrated Mark agrees and suggests people should just admit when they don’t know People who are not able to support their positions are’t willing to admit they don’t know Mark talks about the importance of speaking up Jim talks about the media. Mark says there is no objective news anymore Jim brings up Johnny Carson and his objectivity because that’s what his dad watched before bed time Carson laughed and made fun of both sides Mark says Carson had a singularity of purpose…to make people laugh The guys then bring up the current late night hosts and how biased they are Mark mentions that one group that is bringing us back is the stand up comedians They discuss Bill Maher, Seinfeld and Joe Rogan Mark brings up Jordan Peterson as a great civil discourse practitioner Mark bring in RFKJr and Tulsi Gabard Jim brings up the women of The View and Mark talks about how people love to stir shit. Bad news sells Mark makes a suggestion to the audience about being more intentional regarding being civil He says we spend too much energy on winning and convincing Jim recommends not using people’s names. He likes the blue red team approach. He also recommends not watching the news and just repeating talking points Mark recommends to not react to new things immediately. Wait, pause. Allow for context to be discovered Don’t make assumptions and get context Jim says you often have to simply stop talking about it Change takes place over time, not in one conversation
Are You Coachable And Referable?
Sep 13 2024
Are You Coachable And Referable?
Mark introduces the topic of people being coachable and referable Jim tells the story of a young man he knows and attending his wedding He goes back a few years when this young man was just starting out and shares how he introduced him to his future boss because he was coachable, referable and persistent. Jim says he still, to this day, tries to be coachable Mark says team sports is great fodder for stories Mark shares his story about his daughter asking to speak with him about recruiting She was coachable and referable. His interview was 2 hours and fantastic and at the end she decided she didn’t want to be a recruiter. He goes on to talk about his perspective on people being coachable or not Mark talks about his friend who can’t have lunch without looking at his phone and how he unconsciously decided to not refer him to others because of the risk that might not bring his full attention to the introduction Jim is reminded of somebody at the wedding saying “it’s all about who you know” and how that is helpful, but not enough…you have to be coachable, referable and persistent Mark talks about nepotism and and the absence of coachability and referability. Jim says he won’t refer people just because they ask or are family or friends Jim shares a story about another kid who he had to stop helping because he wasn’t coachable Jim asks Mark for examples from his recruiting profession Mark talks about coaching people in the interview process and the topics of compensation and setting expectations at the end of the interview Jim laughs at how many people disregard his advice Mark says polite persistence is a positive attribute Jim talks about the power of questions and listening way more than you talk 80/20 Mark completely agrees and says opened ended are the way to go Mark also says questions are the best way to disagree with someone too Jim takes us back to the kid at the wedding and says he manifested his beautiful life by being coachable, referable and persistent Mark says these skills are lifelong and we should constantly work on getting better Jim shares his story about working with patent attorneys He emphasizes the importance of working with great clients Removing the friction Mark shares his story about changing auto mechanics and why we pay experts that know stuff we don’t know Jim shares his perspective about his gardener and how is so referable and never lets Jim down. He is ultimately referable Mark shares the feeling of satisfaction of having referred someone and having that person come through Be more coachable, be referable and be persistent
How Well Can You Tell Your Story?
Sep 5 2024
How Well Can You Tell Your Story?
Mark introduces the topic of self identity in the context of how people feel their story about who they are and what they do Jim chimes in with a story about the event he attended that generated our topic for today At the event they did a “speed dating” like exercise where one of the questions was “what do you do?” Cool story. Jim found that changed his answer as he learned by practicing with 40 or 50 people He identified as a podcaster and found that people were very interested in his podcasting story His other favorite question was “what is the best advice you’ve ever received?” “Water your own grass”. Grass always looks greener… Mark liked it because it makes you think Jim also found that when asked, most people were happy doing what they were doing Mark has found otherwise in his recruiting and staffing career Both guys suspect it might be circumstantial Mark talks about his perspective based on his staffing experience Mark reflects on asking yourself that question…what do you do and then says most people struggle with answering and provide little to no context Jim shares the wrinkle that everyone was on the clock. They had 5 minutes to answer…speed dating… Jim proposes that he and Mark try the exercise on themselves. Both guys struggle and have fun with the exercise. What do you do for money…or just what do you do Mark talks about being asked for a bio and the fear and confusion that request drums up Jim shares that he has begun to identify as a “podcaster”. “It’s part of who I am” Both guys agree that podcasting has made them better at everything else they do Jim talks about what he does as projects. I do projects Mark describes himself as a teacher, coach, agent Jim asks Mark what he does and Mark answers and the guys go back and forth Jim likes the word “agent” and feels that everyone needs an agent Mark says objectivity is critical in being an effective agent Jim says it also depends on who is asking the question Mark likes the speed dating concept. Time is ticking Mark begins all of his consulting with “what do you do”. He likes “what does that mean”. He tells his story about helping his girlfriends daughter Mark thinks people don’t practice their story because we think it’s our story and we can obviously tell their own story. Jim brings up the value of having an agent again Mark thinks anybody you can trust can be helpful, but Jim thinks we should stay away from friends and family Mark says it’s critical to be paying someone for advice because skin in the game makes a difference Both guys also think context is critical Mark shares his technique for crafting a good story in three parts. The long story (interview), the elevator pitch and the tag line Jim shares that he gravitated to the word “inventor”. I’m an inventor… Jim critiques Mark’s response and Mark shares the evolution of his story identity Professional development is where he arrived Jim shares his story/identity evolution Mark also likes the idea of putting people on the clock when crafting their story Jim shares the judgement he felt at the start and gained confidence as he practiced Jim makes a great point about the importance of how people introduce you to strangers. How would describe me to others? Mark loves the speed dating idea to kick off a networking event Mark recommends crafting and polishing your story for everyone He recommends shooting for clarity Jim talks about his father and his professional story. Mark does the same and talks about their generation how they were discouraged to brag about themselves Jim says we live in a different time now where everyone seems to be building a brand Mark talks about the self doubt monster pops up Mark ends with a suggestion about focusing on clarity and recording yourself Jim says get comfortable with your words and certainty. It’s not a one man job
Friendship - We’re All Starving For Human Interaction
Sep 3 2024
Friendship - We’re All Starving For Human Interaction
Mark introduces the topic of friendships between men and shares how it came from our friend Jeff’s annual golf outing He connects it to the wheel and the Harvard study of men which concludes that men thrive based on the number and depth of their friendships Jim appreciates the fact that we’re coming up on 60 episodes He shares his opinion of male relationships. How they change over time and how guys used to do things with only other men Jim talks about how some friendships ships die out and others go away and come back Mark brings up how his mentor and he lost touch for 2t years and recently reconnected. He says time is a challenge Mark brings up his recent meeting with one of his best friends…who hates Donald Trump Jim has a friend who feels the same way They talk about disagreement versus personal insult Mark reinforces the mission of the podcast - a place for men to talk about anything Jim says technology has isolated and divided us and we’re all starving for human interaction Jim says boys play and girls pretend and the guys talk about competition and dopamine. What happens when things come to an end Mark talks about how we all have hardships in common over time and how helpful it is to have others to talk to about the hard stuff Jim brings up alignment. Mind body and spirit calibrated…How important it is for him to start his day doing thing to calibrate and align himself Mark talks about his morning routine and reflects back on his meet up with his buddy Jim brings up the law of attraction and the “coincidence” of his mentor reentering his life Mark brings up his relationship with God Both guys reflect on their friends gold outing and how much realignment took place then Jim tells a story about a recent consulting gig client and an aligned text message exchange Mark says when you put in the work, coincidences occur We move people with energy and it can be positive or negative Mark tells a story about walking away from a friendship Jim chimes in about walking away and self awareness Mark talks more about the friendship he walked away from Jim reminds us how important it is to be around positive people Mark brings up happiness and fulfillment in the context of needing to reconnect with a couple of friends. . There is risk of disappointment. Mark shares a friend story of redemption Mark talks about how he was lacking during his divorce. Jim gives Mark credit for the self reflection Both guys agree to reconnect with 2 old friends as a challenge to everyone
The Importance Of Tradition In A Crazy World
Aug 22 2024
The Importance Of Tradition In A Crazy World
Mark Introduces the topic for this episode - Traditions. He contextualizes it as connected to worldview as traditions are often cultural. The guys arrived at the topic talking about Jim’s annual high school football team barbecue he holds at his house and has for 17 years in a row Jim also connects it to our childhood where our worldview begins to form Jim shares his appreciation for what the football program did for him. He thinks that without football it Very easily could have been bad - prison like his two cousins He goes on to tell the story of how it all started - an incredible story And a book called “The Season Of Life” which spoke to the issue of building men for others Tradition, continuity , belonging and creating an environment to thrive Jim talks more about how successful the program has been now that many former players have come back to coach and participate And how beneficial the whole program has been in the wider circle of people who are touched by the program Mark supports the notion of tradition and real masculinity…not toxicity. Way more than just football Jim talks about the timing and the spirit and the excitement. It brings everyone together for a common cause Mark talks about how men are shaped at an early age. Good choices or bad choices. The importance of a mentor and how difficult life is without one Jim shares his perspective of living in a 1% area and driving to the 99% area and the difference in access to resources and support.   He shares his appreciation for learning how to compete Then he talks about how this competitiveness is helpful in life in general. Unity and camaraderie 50% divorce rate and how many boys grow up without a father…how important the football coach becomes in that situation Jim thinks we’ve forgotten young men and even emasculated them Mark agrees that Jim’s life could have really gone south Jim talks about how many different roles there are in making this tradition stick and then flourish He then talks about the importance of belonging to something Mark talks about pushing back on human nature and how important it is to NOT do that, particularly in regard to masculinity Jim talks about the goal of the program and shares stats on graduation rates and the trouble that creates. Kids that participate in sports graduate at much higher rates He’s preparing young men for the last whistle and the last bell. We’re not preparing them for life Mark talks about his career and coaching his own kids after high school. Then he brings up Mike Rowe and the trades Jim reflects on his high school graduation and the massive shift and void Mark shares his high school experience in contrast to Jim’s. Winning and losing is infectious/contagious Jim tells his “Nobody runs on Hayward” story Mark talks about his family tradition around military and fighter pilots Mark puts Jim’s program in perspective of how impactful it is Jim shares the two messages he delivers to the kids at the barbecue. Showing up and “no rules” no incident speech. The power of trusting and empowering back. The following morning his talk is about showing up and being prepared and “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better”. Boys blame others, men take responsibility. Be so good they can’t ignore you. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond to what happens to you Mark appreciates the work and Jim talks about how deep these relationships have grown Jim feels that the best players aren’t always the most successful. It’s the second stringers Mark thinks the more talented you are, the less likely you are to work hard Belonging, routine, structure, hierarchy and honor. If you don’t get this in one place, you’ll find it somewhere else. He mentions gangs Mark encourages listeners to seek out opportunities to help young men Jim brings up Scott Galloway and his work with young men Mark mentions example of places to go to help young men Jim recommends the progress and trust are built up over time. What you can do immediately is help the coaches. Thank them. Bring a team meal. Little gestures go a long way Mark shares his experience working with homeless kids for three years You might even get more out of the experience than the kids Jim ends with leaving the public side of this work and went off the radar Mark says your efforts need to be authentic to be effective
How We Develop Our Self Narrative In The Context Of Regret
Aug 15 2024
How We Develop Our Self Narrative In The Context Of Regret
Mark starts off with some context about what our podcast is all about. Sharing opinions and experiences with men to help them live a more fulfilled life He introduces the topics of self-regret and self narrative and hopes for some humorous angles Jim brings up the wheel and how we always start with self awareness He talks about the power of reading the definitions. He says if you don’t have regrets you aren’t very self aware “the most important conversation you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself” Mark says regret and a bad narrative can eat you alive if you aren’t aware of it’s power. He says seeking blame is regressive Jim talks about learning from regrets and mistakes.  It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond to what happens to you. I’d rather die trying than live with the regret of not trying Mark says it’s a balancing act between self awareness and misery. Your inner voice is powerful…one way or another Jim shares how he is often angry at himself and tries to be careful not protecting that on others Mark shares the work he’s doing on his own narrative around his future self and how at ease he feels. His friends have noticed Mark shares his regret about not firing his divorce attorney sooner Jim asks to break it down and offers his own story…helping someone else instead of himself Mark gives his example about multiple choice quizzes in school Mark shares how scared and angry he was during his divorce and how it clouded his judgement Jim calls it trauma - flight, fight or freeze Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better Jim cites opportunities exist in the learning from the regret or mistake Mark shares some sports related regrets and how easy it would have been to hang on. Jim shares his opinion about sports in his life They both share the cultures they were around. Jim’s as winning and Mark’s was losing Jim talks about asking for help, not asking, asking the wrong people… Mark puts his divorce in perspective and see’s the wonderful side of it - his three kids Mark shares his formula for a solid self narrative If you want to be successful, notice your successes The guys agree that we have a hard time noticing our success Jim talks about gratitude Meditation and living in the present Mark share his morning meditation today and he was all over the place but able to come back to present Mark shares a conversation with his younger brother about his divorce regarding how well he handled it Jim quotes - All comparison leads to misery Mark talks about how comparison is in your face now all day thru social m media. You have to be careful Jim talks about being cautious about putting yourself out there on social media Nobody really wants to know how good you’re doing Mark talks about observations and assessment not what you’ve done Jim says people remember how you make them feel and Reminds us that it’s better to be kind than nice Jim tells a story about his friend regarding…has the world changed or is it the stage of life we are at. We’re running out of time and you don’t want to waste it on people with bad energy…or politics Mark agrees it’s both. What he sees missing today is accountability People are doing things wrong today and not getting in trouble Mark ends with “I don’t know waaayyy more than I know”
Why Invest In Personal Branding?
Aug 8 2024
Why Invest In Personal Branding?
Mark introduces the topic and explains that he and Jim will be guided in this episode by an article Jim read in Fast Company. Here’s a link to the article Mark suggests personal branding begins with self reflection Jim enters with reference to the self and self promotion in specific.  He shares his opinion about self promotion and how society feels very different about personal branding. Then he takes us around the flywheel and the 5 areas of life Then Jim focuses in on worldview and asks whether one’s worldview should be part of a personal brand Mark shares his views about being entrepreneurs and personal brands. He says he’s always branded himself and presented to the world his personal strengths. He tells a story about his last employer who purchased his company told him not to sell himself, but to sell her brand. He expands on his view of this Jim starts to share the main points of the article which are common myths about personal branding #1 is that it’s selfish Both guys share that they were raised not to brag and self promote If we don’t brand ourselves then we get branded by others. Mark tells his story about breaking out from imposter syndrome and his journey into branding himself #2 It’s loud and obnoxious. Mark talks about his sales journey and helping people sell themselves Jim cites the choices of being an influencer or a thought leader. Mark has chosen thought leader and shares his position on selling Jim says he’s recently committed to his own personal brand #3 It’s fake and disingenuous. Mark talks about how he was raised to be polite and respectful and being authentic #4 It’s only for senior leaders and C suite executives. Both guys agree that this is no longer the case. Mark talks about a current client and the team he is working with Jim reads a bit from the article Mark goes back to worldview and shares his opinion on sharing his politics online as part of his brand Jim shares his view of bringing politics into any conversation with someone outside his circle of friends…particularly here in Northern California Mark goes into his politics and says either way is ok if you’re prepared for the consequences. He’s decided to go all in and be transparent about his views and how he responds with what he thinks is practical The guys disagree on this issue Jim thinks it’s not worth discussing politics with those on the fringe, right or left Mark takes a different stance Mark wishes everyone, including Trump would stop calling people names..it’s childish Jim agrees and says it was funny and now it’s sad Mark doesn’t care about the person, but only what they stand for Mark talks about the power of questions and his experience speaking civily with people who are opposed to his views Mark runs around the wheel again in the context of how he begins client sessions with deep personal questions Jim identifies that Mark spent his entire career helping people grow their personal brand Jim is curious about Mark’s experience with this Mark frames it in the context of aligning the candidates worldview and the company culture Mark share his story about the prospect with the BLM LinkedIn profile banner The guys have a chuckle Mark talks about how important a LinkedIn profile is in the personal branding journey Jim asks Mark who should help you write your LinkedIn profile Mark shares his answer
Managing Expectations In Relationships
Aug 5 2024
Managing Expectations In Relationships
Mark introduces the topic of expectations. Setting and managing them with others We succeed and we fail doing both He says we do a poor job of being specific and clear and recalibrating as things evolve Jim says ww are “wound up” in the existing political environment. We expect the politicians to be civil and honest…and they’re not. They throw rocks at each other Mark identifies that he and Jim have taken different position. Jim chooses to remain quiet and Mark chooses to speak up. He cites the difference between thinking, knowing and emoting. We are treating them as the same Jim takes us around the wheel and our 5 areas of life and how different women and men are regarding expectations Mark talks about his relationships with his grandmothers and how different they were. Then he talks about his mom and sister Then he talks about his kids Jim shares that everyone struggles with expectations. We project things from our relationships on to others. He also thinks we have set expectations about women that they can “have it all”. It’s not possible Mark says when you choose one thing you sacrifice another. No one can “have everything”. It’s an unreal expectation Mark talks about his daughters and his mom again. His mom lived with regret and his girls struggle with confusion…what is a man?  What is the expectation? He brings up JD Vance and his cat lady comment. He asks what is wrong with being a stay at home mom?  We need to change our expectations about being a mom Jim brings up Esther Perel and her writings about relationships. She says our expectations about relationships are incorrect Mark talks about having different expectations inside a marriage Jim says where we are now in marriages has evolved away from the way it used to be. Married to one person and in a romantic relationship with another. Marriage was a contract Mark says expectations change and we have to change behavior. He shares some info on his marriage/divorce. He talks about his ex wife’s father and her expectations of him based on her father’s behavior Mark says things broke down when communication stopped Jim asks Mark about his current relationship with his girlfriend They talk about men and women and their differences. In a relationship what matters is what those two people think about. Most people don’t take the time to air out their differences before marriage and exchange/agree to the compromises
The Political Football That Is Immigration
Jul 25 2024
The Political Football That Is Immigration
Mark introduces the topic of immigration and draws a thick line between legal and illegal immigration. He’s very pro immigration and very much opposed to illegal immigration. He says there are many different lenses to look through at this issue Jim jumps in and identifies that this topic falls into worldview on our flywheel. He mentions that Europe and in particular Italy are wrestling with open borders too. It’s impacting culture and religious beliefs. Jim has seen this while traveling Mark agrees and brings up his brother who has been flying as for 35 years. He mentions Paris specifically Jim agrees and doesn’t remember Paris being like this years ago. Crime, homelessness and garbage Mark thinks we abuse the word compassion and distinguishes between those that are fleeing bad circumstances and those who are criminals Jim takes it even further and suggests that illegals are stealing our resources while legal immigrants and citizens suffer. Jim shares that California just passed a law giving free healthcare to illegals. What about us? Mark shares that Jim’s experience comes from international travel around his sports background. Mark helped many immigrants with visas and green cards during his staffing career Mark gives more context to his experience. Legal immigrants are the most opposed to illegal immigration Jim talks about his grandparents and how they strived to be American first, Mexican and Italian second. He also says that culture might come with them, but not necessarily religion. Some are escaping religious persecution Mark mentions that we all came here escaping persecution from British rule. He says crime is now increasing in non border towns and if say anything about illegal immigrant crime you’re called a racist Mark also mentions his two worst trends coming from this beyond crime. Sex trafficking and Fentanyl Jim asks to take the conversation positive and asks Mark to share his immigration experience helping immigrants who wanted to stay get visas and eventually green cards Mark goes into great detail about a program he ran helping graduates from other countries get jobs and financial assistance with their green cards after 3 years Both guys agree that these immigrants have strong appreciation for America and are n to shy about showing it Both guys agree “we don’t have a country without them” Then the guys move into a discussion about what happens when you give free stuff to illegal immigrants…or anyone for that matter Mark connects the entitlement issue with defunding police and liberal DAs..recipe for disaster Jim pulls the conversation back to positive and Mark tells the story about a new home being built right next to him and his positive interaction with the crew. All immigrants Jim brings up the Irish in the first part of the 20th century and Mark, being from Boston chimes in He brings up the notion of people (legal an d illegal) who are “well intentioned” Mark says we should figure out who is well intoned and whose not earlier in the process and then asks, if Trumps wins, how’s he gonna get the criminals out. Also how many legal immigrants can we absorb fro a resources standpoint. Then brings up the condition of the “sanctuary cities” and how over run they are now…oops Mark bring back up his experience in Boston with the Italians and Irish communities Jim suggest that kids born here of illegal parents.. What do we do with the kids. It’s a tough topic to figure out Mark says both sides need to talk, even if only about the Fentanyl and the kids Jim then tells his two immigration stories about a few people he helped and their circumstances One was a girl from Venezuela and her friend who came here illegally as a kid so he has no papers and thus cannot travel outside the country The other was about the captain of the USA Olympic rugby 7’s team who Jim helped get papers so he could leave the country He then remembers a third story helping some Tongan kids with papers who as a result couldn’t get scholarships. Both ended up playing D1 and degrees Mark says the bottom line, the system is broken and we’re not doing anything other than fighting over it Ellis Island comes up as an example of a decent system Jim notes that we’re not having enough babies and the system doesn’t work without enough people. Immigrants really help with this problem Both guys agree that both sides of the aisle seem to want to keep this a their own blunt intstrument in the political races Jim exposes the Democrat’s “immigration” bill that the Republicans didn’t sign it…it was full of Ukraine money Mark says conflict sells ads and likes. Mark ends with this is complex, but it needs to b e fixed
Life Changing Events Through The Lens Of Personal Accountability
Jul 18 2024
Life Changing Events Through The Lens Of Personal Accountability
Mark introduces the two topics for today and how closely they are connected Self accountability and life changing events The Trump assassination attempt and the selection of his VP running mate Mark reminds the audience of the fly wheel framework and the idea that both guys lean conservative. Mark more so than Jim Jim jumps in ands goes into more detail about the wheel and the 5 areas of life Jim identifies the Trump assassination as clearly a life changing event Jim thinks self awareness is by far the most important human trait there is. He feels like if you are self aware, it’s highly likely you’ll be happier and more fulfilled Mark describes Trump’s new attitude…calmer, less brazen. Jim agrees. Mark says the event triggered an analysis of self accountability. A complete absence of it Mark says an event of this magnitude will remain under scrutiny for a while and hopefully time and context will bring truth. The investigation is ongoing. He cites the statement by the head of the Secret Service…”the buck stops with me” Jim redirects toward the current administration and expresses his frustration with their complete lack of performance Mark suggest that the Biden admin team is now having their hypocrisy thrown back in their faces Mark cites his research of the statements of 4 or 5 special forces snipers that leads him to conclude this was one of two things…the government was in on it, or the Secret Service is broken Jim says he wants accountability for the lie that is the mental condition of Joe Biden…the years and months leading up to the shooting Mark says the depth and breadth of this deception is unique Jim talks about the debate, subsequent interviews and the cover up Even the media and others who have come out with the current truth have not acknowledged their previous lies Mark says the rats are running at each other Mark brings up JD Vance and shares some things he’s learned about him. Mark is looking forward to learning more Jim says he’s not a “Trumper”…but he thinks JD represents the best of America and stands on his merits, not his collar or gender Mark shares some more details with Jim about JD. He went to law school with Viviek R Vance is also military and business savvy Marks it seems that he’s the real deal Mark shares Elon Musk’s recent claim to be giving millions to the RNC campaign Mark shares that he’s not a Republican, he’s a pragmatist Jim shares his family’s different positions on Trump. He feels like if you put the man aside and talk policy, it’s a no brainer Jim’s looking forward to the fresh new talent and he gives Trump credit for not selecting based on skin color or gender. He also speaks about Trump’s fortitude He brings up RFK Jr and his most recent new security detail Jim ask’s Mark about his own life changing events and Marl shares a few of his…funny Little league, getting in to Notre Dame and nodding a scholarship on his dad’s behalf Then Jim shares a few of his “events”. The “I can’t” story, getting embarrassed reading in front of the class, high school football and his community college rejection Mark responds to Jim’s responses to his events and how it built his fortitude and resilience. Showing up and being prepared Marks says personal accountability leads to happiness and fulfillment..authenticity We give people second chances all the time, but people still look for blame Mark says life is a meritocracy. DEI comes up and Mark says it’s falling apart.  The ex president needed to almost die for this to be exposed Jim shares his distaste for victimhood. Why do these victims choose to give their power away?  He blames Biden and his cronies for this, in pursuit of power and control Mark praises Trumps response to being shot and how the choice for president is a no brainer Mark says the ships starting to turn faster Who is going to claim responsibility or get caught Jim ends with Biden being the victim. Mark says there is nothing authentic about him Think about something you can take responsibility for today…it’ll make you feel better about yourself
Do You Have A Narcissist In Your Life?
Jul 11 2024
Do You Have A Narcissist In Your Life?
Mark starts off setting the stage for his most recent ex-wife encounter. Both guys see numerous lessons to be learned from Mark’s encounter the other day and decided to record their conversation as an episode Mark sets the stage for the discussion by giving the event some historical context He describes his emotional state and gives a few details of the actual event - sitting in front of a judge Jim makes a great point - one of the reasons w decided to air this is that 50% of our audience will have to deal with divorce in some capacity - we thought it might be very helpful Jim starts by going around the wheel and this event touches all 5 areas and the center (self) Mark adds a timeline and additional historical context to the core event - his divorce Jim brings up narcissism and they discuss that component of Mark’s ex Mark says you can’t change people. He talks about her unwillingness to look inside He also makes the point that you have to rid yourself of people who suck energy from you and how challenging that can be Jim thinks we can’t change much except how we react to things They both bring our current political situation into the discussion because it’s directly related Mark reflects on good and bad energy and the physical manifestation of this stress Jim takes Mark around the wheel Money - how she used money as a weapon Mark shares details of what she did to his career and a story about theft Mark shares some details about his children and their struggle with anxiety. We work on it together Worldview is next. Mark talks about his connection with God and his religious journey Jim brings up Mark’s relationship with his mom, which he’s shared before Jim says we are “conditioned” when we’re young. Mark shares his thoughts on his mom and the comparison to his ex. Mark shares a story about his ex and her inability to accept responsibility for anything.  If you agreed with me you immediately became her enemy Jim asks how much was “attention” Mark suggests the marriage fell apart because of her inability to accept responsibility or communicate Mark brings up his ex’s childhood - very bad Jim brings up a woman’s relationship with her own father Mark compares his ex and his current love regarding their relationships with their fathers Mark talks about self accountability and owning your life Jim brings back politics and society as it relates to Mark’s ex Jim brings our current president into the discussion. Mark says he’s not in charge. He’s not sure if Biden knows what’s going on Jim asks what audacity and is she just that Mark shares his opinion on how good marriages get through hard times They worked on themselves first Jim shares how he’s worked on himself and how he shares our framework in his daily conversations Mark shares how he never gave up and how his children helped him Mark shares his Bill Burr’s “hitting women” joke Mark starts to wrap up and shares some takeaways Internal work and modifying his routines with age to keep up the work You have to get negative people out Life is good. Everything is a choice You can’t change people Jim says gratitude is the key and it takes work Mark agrees and shares his gratitude exercise Jim bring up growing bitter or better Mark ends with his LinkedIn message story (she sent one after) and Jim notes that she was doing all the things she was accusing Mark of
Mentorship - The Difference Between Being Nice And Being Kind
Jul 8 2024
Mentorship - The Difference Between Being Nice And Being Kind
Mark introduces the topic of mentorship Jim reflects on the difference between being nice and kind.  Real mentorship requires telling people things they need to hear but maybe don’t want to. He refers to some of the work Mark is doing, in part holding people accountable. Jim says showing up, prepared and consistently is huge Mark agrees. He brings in communication and how social media and technology have revolutionized the way we communicate…and not for the better. Mark says people are confused about accountability and compassion. Jim says it’s easier to be critical online than face to face. Mark agrees enthusiastically Mark asks Jim to share the story that shared before the recording that prompted the topic of mentorship Jim shares his recent encounter with a young man he’s known for 15 years and has mentored. How their interactions have evolved with some tough honesty. It started 15 years ago with a golf tournament and ended up raising #240,000,000 to rebuild three high school athletic facilities He suggests that even the coaches need coaches. He reflects on mentoring kids for the last Beelzebub’s and the last whistle. How important sports are for teaching kids about life. He’s now able to see kids from 15 years ago become men. Mark marvels at Jim’s impact Jim reflects on the political components of his mentorship and also that anyone can do anything they want in this country if they learn how to compete Mark reflects on his feeling of obligation to be kind in the moment when you encounter anyone. That a small gesture or comment can change someone’s life Jim agrees and reminds us this holds true for people closest to us as well. Jim says its the mans job to step up and be the bad guy. He asks Mark about this in the context of his divorce Mark talks about disagreeing kindly with his daughters and how that increases their respect for him. He says “no” is one of the most important words a parent can use for 16 or so years:) Jim brings up another quote, “I’d rather be feared than liked” and then he adds the context what is meant by the word “feared” Mark shares the origin of “being feared” in his opinion…the Bible Jim agrees and then contextualizes his spirituality Mark attributes a saying to Jordan Peterson about living by the Ten Commandments even without believing in God Mark reflects on his current client and how he works closely with people personally. In doing so he’s uncovered how many things that young people don’t know and how important sharing wisdom while mentoring them Jim agrees and adds that this I also exaggerated by how much information is coming at us today versus years ago. So much info coming SO fast Mark explains how he vets things in the current noisy environment Jim brings up the recent presidential debate…can you blame them (the young) for being confused Mark says he hopes it will wake people up who have been swallowing the nonsense from “whoever you are” and start to questions those in power Jim piles on and Mark says “If you didn’t see that for what it was, shame on you” He asks Jim again to tell his story about the young man he recently met with to reset their relationship with candor. He identifies with this young man’s full plate, but also how capable he is. They met for dinner to address their relationship. Jim used our wheel and brought up being your best self. He shares details about his students responsibilities and challenges. He was kind and not nice. Jim shares his recognition about getting older and “running out of time” and how his program is now beginning to bring in even younger kids and it’s really working…now with 15 years of evidence Mark observes that this approach has ripple effects Jim is appreciative of Mark’s perspective, in particular, the families of these young kids He then brings up his annual cookouts at his house and how they haven’t missed one in 15 years and how the kids benefit from this shrining example of consistency and continuity Jim then reflects on growing up where he did and with whom he did and how it shaped his work ethic and his own approach to showing up Mark shares hi story about his son coming out of addiction, blossoming and the notion of him being a role model.  The importance of modeling in mentorship Jim gets clear on how important it is to have an agent. Everybody needs one to see things they can’t Jim reflects on when he and Mark first met to map the IMC plan out. He mentions The guys reflect o a program they both participated in over the weekend and the phrase “don’t die with your music inside you” and how we have an obligation to share what we know The guys are building a program and it isn’t quite done yet, but it will definitely be some wisdom shared for a price Our service will be essentially customizing our experience and wisdom to help men lead better lives
When Do You Apologize?
Jun 21 2024
When Do You Apologize?
Mark introduces the topic - apologizing. He says too many people are apologizing too often Mark reads the definition Jim counters with thinking it’s a trigger for him. He brings up a conversation he just had with a 30 something and how he said he was sorry over and over…to the point that it was totally inauthentic He was regretting things he said and did Mark agrees about authenticity being critical. He says too many people apologize for offending groups Jim says “This not an excuse, it’s an explanation”. I’d like to explain what happened The difference between an apology and an explanation Mark says context is missing from conversation Jim says you should save apologies for when you really mean them. When you’ve reflected and given thought to what you may have said or done Mark says if the apology doesn’t feel difficult, then don’t do it. It needs to feel difficult Jim ponders when to accept or not accept an apology. He is anticipating a call later today with a friend who is in an overwhelming state. This guy says sorry too much and Jim wonders whether to confront his friend or not. He wonders if h should let his friend “get away with it Mark says it’s important to start off conversation on a positive note and then get candid, but with kindness It’s approach and timing Mark rereads the definition of apology. Definition number 3…excuses Jim thinks apology is different than an explanation and different than an excuse Jim appreciates when people take responsibility and also consider how to keep this same thing from happening again. An opportunity to get better People that say sorry all the time are dangerous. Our word is everything. Our integrity Jim thinks social media and technology have made communication m ore difficult…ironically Mark talks about how many words have lost their meaning. Racism and Nazi and sorry Jim recounts a Father’s Day event about the racism comment. He says,” tell me what you think that means”. Both guys agree that we need to be more careful with words and make sure both parties agree on the meaning of words before discussing them Mark brings up patriarchy as another word being abused Jim adds the word “literally’. Mark agrees it’s a “filler” word, unnecessary and irrelevant He adds the accountability that’s missing in communication. You have to call out these abusers of words Mark brings up the phrase “toxic masculinity” and how people want apologies for this too. Mark says “fuck that” Mark talks about people in the public domain who are forced to apologize Jim asks Mark to look up “dignity” and the guys both agree that apologizing without authenticity forces someone to give up his dignity Mark brings up the leadership training he’s doing now and how much of an issue this apology thing is in corporate America. Jim agrees Mark suggests that the person on the receiving end of the apology needs to call out inauthentic apology Jim says there are situations when you just have to remain quiet or you’ll get “kicked out of the club” Mark says it’s important to pick your spots. What am I going to gain from calling someone out?  You gotta read the room and you have to maintain your integrity Give some thought to what you are trying to accomplish. Be authentic and work toward some type of benefit or progress Jim says sometimes it’s tough to balance authenticity with empathy Mark talks about people misinterpreting him and then brings up the exception of his two daughters. Jim calls him on it they have a laugh Jim brings back up the importance of the meaning of words. Both guys agree that clarifying what a word or topic means before discussing it is critical for clarity Mark goes back to his daughters and uses the word feminism as an example Jim says the meaning of words can be generational. Mark agrees there is nuance to the meaning of certain words Mark brings up Juneteenth and both guys have fun making fun He says he sees a trend where we’re teaching people that being over sensitive makes you better person somehow Both guys are put off by the victimhood connect to the apology issue Mark says the media portrays a different world than the one he lives in Jim talks about some of the things we can apologize to ourselves about Mark thinks it’s more about forgiving yourself and then they put things in the context of career The guys bring in the 5 areas of life from the wheel and Jim talks specifically about money Jim also says that some people simply expect to be forgiven. They think they’ll get a “pass” Both guys agree we should apologize less and pause to think before we apologize
Self Forgiveness As A Remedy For Self Doubt
Jun 14 2024
Self Forgiveness As A Remedy For Self Doubt
Mark introduces the topic of self doubt He places it in health/mental health category on the wheel Mark talks about waking up “awash” in self doubt yesterday and he wrote about it to help pull him out of it First he went through with his morning routine and was still bummed out..so he wrote about it Jim says self doubt is normal and anyone who doesn’t get it every so often isn’t striving Jim talks about how middle age produces doubts about what might have been Jim shares his bout with depression and then brings in the wheel and how self doubt touches all areas of life Mark says it can be event driven and he mentions his divorce and brings up other circumstances Jim connects self worth to self doubt The guys talk about moving on…moving past it Mark brings up sports and aging Jim mentions how players become coaches to keep getting that dopamine hit Jim says leaving a company has the same impact Mark brings up empty nest syndrome and then identifies his solution is internal. Looking inside and not focusing on external circumstances Jim says that you can’t care too much about what other people say Mark talks about learning how to be humble and the rebuilding that can take place if you choose it Jim says in order to be human you to have humility…then you can serve others with empathy and compassion. These are better humans Mark talks about judging people by the way they present outwardly. He mentions the PGA pro that recently killed himself A lot of people who are miserable, present as happy Mark says we see 2 things in the media…tragedy and overbite success. We never see the striving. The work Jim’s quote “I wish my enemies all their success”. Because is you achieve major success, you have sacrificed a lot. Everything has a price Success can be lonely Mark tells his father’s Navy wings story. WTF do I do now Same thing as retirement - want to stop using that term. It’s negative instead of…what’s the next awesome thing Jim brings up “rebranding”. More possible than ever before. Technology and coaching Rebranding is a total choice Mark brings back up empty nest. Jim says he didn’t experience that. Everyone experiences this differently Mark talks about his unique experience being both mom and dad…he didn’t see it coming Mark says self doubt is the absence of self worth Jim brings up ego. You have to put ego aside and that’s not easy.  Being alone…no more feedback Mark wonders why Jim didn’t feel the empty nest Mark explains how he forgave himself and how freeing it was. If God forgives, why can’t we forgive ourselves Jim talks about the self - words Mark reads the definitions of self doubt and self compassionate Mark talks about looking inward and not comparing to others…misery Jim says happiness is overrated. Being fulfilled is better Learning new things and striving to be better is the way to go Mark suggests taking your new found humility…turning it into empathy and reaching out to help Timing has to align in order to be well received with your offer of help Jim summarizes his position on "recalibrating the soul"
Are You A Thought Leader?  How Would You Know?
Jun 7 2024
Are You A Thought Leader? How Would You Know?
Mark introduces the topic of thought leadership and connects it directly with critical thinking He reads the Wikipedia definition and then connects it to the profession area in our flywheel Mark says anyone who self identifies as such is not a thought leader. The market needs to determine that Jim jumps in and brings up Jordan Peterson. He then connects back to our flywheel and the other 4 areas of life Jim then brings up AI and the timeliness of our topic He differentiates between “Big” and “Small” AI. He suggests people will be increasingly creating small customized AI’s for different use cases Mark expresses some doubts about AI because on the back end is a human with bias Mark brings Jordan Peterson back up Jim brings up Joe Rogan and the View Mark says he thinks to be a thought leader you have to also be a critical thinker. He wonders if people are being thoughtful and unbiased in their responses or are they simply emoting? Mark brings up Bill Maher Jim supports that Jordan Peterson is credentialed and experience in various sciences and topics. He separates the View as a business…entertainment Mark gos a bit deeper into Peterson varied area of expertise Jim recalls his live experience with Jordan and how diverse the audience was Mark brings up JP’s son and daughter He thinks JP was never intending to be rich or famous and he struggled with fame for a time Jim brings up Joe Biden and Mark shares his opinion:). Neither has much respect for Joe Mark suggests that perhaps all thought leaders are polarizing at some level. He goes on to add to what makes a real thought leader and Jim agrees Mark mentions Martin Luther King and Ghandi Jim asks Mark for examples oh thought leaders who grew fast and then bottomed out and disappeared. Mark shares a couple of examples but can’t remember names Then Jim mentions Tony Robbins and Mark shares his opinion that he thinks TR is authentic but only for a certain audience (very troubled people) The guys explore the cult like nature of TR’s tribe and then suggest there is perhaps cult like vibes to all thought leader followers.  His rugby teams, for instance The guys joke about “self proclaimed” thought leaders versus authentic thought leaders Jim suggests that they all are narcissistic to some degree Mark brings up Jim’s evolution from shy and reticent to engage to feeling lost obligated to share. Jim appreciates and expands. We have an obligation to share what we know that can help They talk about the risk of sharing and exposing yourself to criticism Jim reflects on his sales career and feels that everything is about persuasion The evolution is largely based on the accumulation of expertise over time and confidence Jim warns of the abuse of the power of persuasion Mark chimes in with the abuses of power He goes on to agree and then brings up celebrities and Robert Dinero… Mark says real friends call bullshit on ego players like Dinero Jim says it’s not what you say as much as what you do. Great leaders model. Like fathers Jim tells his story about his Japanese assistant and Japanese leadership culture which promotes leadership by action and modeling Mark brings JP back into the discussion and talks about how he walks his talk Thought leaders do what they say Jim tells a story about his friend who adds that people will see how people react to you…something you’ll never see. Mark recalls that good friends do that too…tell you how people react to you Mark says if you have the ability to help others you are obligated to do so Jim adds being careful about offering unsolicited advice and he says he’s pulled back Mark talks about learning how to not conclude, but to observe…discernment Jim shares his experience last night at a conference where he saw people who were so busy and overwhelmed that they can’t focus on the moment and/or are hypersensitive and teed up Mark brings up his inner work with SOS and spirituality.  Success comes from being bright and loving inside…the outside stuff comes when it’s supposed to.  No need to scramble and grind
What Exactly Is Critical Thinking And Are You Doing Enough?
Jun 4 2024
What Exactly Is Critical Thinking And Are You Doing Enough?
Mark introduces episode 52 to finish off season 2! A milestone for the guys. Trying to get the message out to more people Today’s topic is critical thinking.   Mark says we’re lacking in critical thinking as a result of a lack of self awareness Mark reads the definition from Wikipedia. He likes the one term “unbiased” Jim jumps in with our flywheel and the 5 areas of life on it Jim brings up Trump’s convictions Jim says there aren’t many real critical thinkers and we don’t teach that skill. He suggests that being dyslexic makes him think critical Mark gives his dad credit for telling him to question everything and Jim calls it a gift The guys both believe you can respect processes and rules and laws and still question everything Mark brings up science and climate change - nothing has been decided. Science is discovery Jim says critical thinking makes us better as people - Our goal for IMC - help people get better Jim shares his infographic about the factors that go into critical thinking   Research Listening Explanation Flexibility Fairness Objectivity Evaluation Analysis   Mark identifies the major differences between critical and non critical thinking. He says listening is perhaps the most important of them all Jim looks for win/win outcomes. What does success look like? Marks cites the meaning of words and how we bastardize the language and words Mark says biases are normal but we can put them aside and remain open to learning something new Jim likes to approach new conversations with “what can I learn?” Mark says it virtually impossible to know everything about any topic, so flexibility is important Both guys are a bit mixed on the word “fairness”. What does it mean and who determines what’s fair. Mark says fairness is the journey but not the destination Jim expresses his distaste for DEI. Mark agrees and thinks it’s going away Both guys talk about sports in regard to DEI.  Jim tells a story about a big conference he attended last week. He loved the conference but didn’t like all the groups people were divided into. Why do we have to separate people into groups?  It’s the opposite of inclusive. The worst of elitism. Mark brings up victimhood. You can’t think critically if you play victim Mark brings up Pride month and how stupid it is Jim brings up “the first” and how it should be the best…the first is unnecessary Mark claims that critical thinking starts all the other dominoes falling. It fixes everything over time Jim asks if Mark believes people are “Objective”?  He says no, but can continuously move back to objectivity. It’s a journey Jim quotes - To get what you want, give people what they want. You don’t need to get what you want by taking from someone Mark tells and Dennis Prager tale about marriage and arguments. He says bringing generosity to conversations is effective Sports come up again and both guys share reflections on winning and losing and how you look at things. How you respond to them. Jim talks rugby Mark bundles analysis, research and evaluation together. Jim separates them out Mark says it’s fine to have an opinion…as long as you claim it as such…not a fact…how I feel Jim says “throw some math at it” Jim brings up the data/math on black men being killed by white police officers. There is no math to support it. We often decide how we feel and see out numbers to support our opinions Mark says we need more context and less speculation. He also brings up climate change and “river to the sea”. Do your homework Jim. mentions the suicide rate of men and the isolation of young men. It’s our mission to help men talk about these difficult things Mark challenges the audience to a debate Jim cites the value of facts, data and math. He cites neurodiversity rates in incarcerated men Mark says there are too many facts used that aren’t actually facts Mark says the media values being first over being right. He talks about charts and duration and timelines. Timing They wrap with how do you remain respectful and question everything The topic remains open
Treating Resistance As Opportunity
May 21 2024
Treating Resistance As Opportunity
Mark opens his intro with the guys topic of choice for today- Resistance Jim’s traveling and is in Mexico City.  He had some typical travel resistance issues and both guys ran with that and piled on One caveat is Jim’s sound quality is diminished, but he can be heard just fine Mark brings up the flywheel and the book Jim brought up, Steven Pressfield’s “The War Of Art” Mark says he thinks resistance is mostly good with exception of dangerous things and that mitigating risk is a goo idea before just jumping up and pushing back on any and all resistance Marks bring in his “pause” approach to regain objectivity and context before jumping in Jim jumps in and refers back to the book and expands on it’s message - “The enemy of creativity is resistance”. Jim says that in his mind resistance is a sign of progress, but it’s hard to know when its progress or danger. Jim then shares his travel story - Mexico City and the resistance from the line at the airpot to the hotel and then the Uber experience…3 different drivers and the wrong addresses. He asked himself if maybe these were signs that he should consider doing something else.  He made the best of it Mark then tells his Fringe Festival stand-up experience. It wasn’t his vibe but he wanted to support his girlfriend. He shares that relationships bump up against resistance. Compromise and the “20 minute rule” Jim asks Mark to talk more about “risk” and Mark shares his experience starting his own company.  He puts this in context. He brings up his “pause” technique and put’s in some additional context Jim shares his opinion on pivoting in the face of resistance. Mark agrees and expands Jim says timing is a big deal in life and how to tell if its the right time or not. Mark agrees Jim speaks about decisions versus choices. What’s the difference? Mark shares his interaction with his son about his meditation. About how he chose to react versus how he might have 10 years ago Jim replays with his hotel noise experience and reaction. Don’t let it get into your head. And once again its about how you respond.  Jim turned it into a nice lunch and a few beers Mark goes back to his stand-up experience from the day before and how he was able to turn it around with the help of his girlfriend and a 7 minute conversation - a new perspective Both guys agree that resistance is everywhere, all the time and they talk a bit about the different types Mark brings up the 5 key areas of life and the flywheel.  Resistance is in all 5 areas Jim say traveling is an exercise in handling your response to resistance The guys reflect on The US versus other countries. They differ a bit about this and that’s a bit interesting Jim says it’s often challenging to find people to help with communication and how h appreciates people who can speak English as a second language This leads to our current division and how that’s created different languages within our own language Mark shares how appreciative people are of trying to the speak the native language of the country you’re in Then he moves into his public speaking They wrap it up. Jim’s going to Chicago before returning home
The Manifestation Of Fulfillment
May 16 2024
The Manifestation Of Fulfillment
Mark introduces the topic of manifestation and the power of the subconscious mind.  Then he brings up the wheel and attaches manifestation to health - mental health Jim had introduced Dr James Doty having heard him on Lewis Howe’s podcast Mark reads from the show notes to give context to what the guys are about to discuss. Mark mentions the work he’s been doing and throws it to Jim Jim mentions that he’s been reading and studying about manifestation for years. He talks about adversity and how it’s how you react to it that matters Jim brings up the wheel and self awareness and lays out the 5 areas of life on our wheel He references our past and then shares Dr Doty’s past traumas and how he overcame them. Doty mentions a billionaire he met who wasn’t happy in spite of his wealth. Your success doesn’t necessarily make you happy Mark brings up what the podcast is all about. A forum for men to talk about things they don’t normally talk about Mark says there’s an interesting balance between fortitude and sharing emotions He discusses his current program and the picture of him as a 5 year old - see that kid. You are still that kid Mark then goes into the past and Jim runs with it. We need to figure out how to process the trauma from our past in order to move on Jim brings up our vibrational influence on the world and others Mark tells his yoga/vibrational bowls - energy reading Jim gives context to the vibrations we can put out. That can be good or bad Jim says happiness should not be the goal. It should be fulfillment. The distinction between happiness, pleasure, joy, service, etc… Mark says we misuse words like happy and crazy - what do they really mean Jim shares another point Dr Doty spoke of. We can live in the past, present or future The present is the goal Jim shares his dyslexia story and how it shaped his aggressive behavior. He became self aware and has worked on it successfully Mark shares his visualization practice and some successes that have come from it. Jim compliments Mark and gives him credit for his work and consistency Jim goes deeper into how he uses manifestation as an inventor He tells his patent story in the context of vibrations Mark brings back up Jim’s past, present and future comment and gets into detail about how important processing trauma is - his anger at his ex-wife and his parents “scarcity” vibe as Depression kids Mark mentions our sage and saboteur  The sage would see the great things that came from his divorce. He the talks about worrying about what might happen in the future and how 90% of the things he worried about never happen Jim brings up his bitter or better concept. He sees a lot of people in pain, projecting that pain in to the world   The victim mentality and the negative vibrations that creates Jim thinks we can help shift that pain to positivity.  Marl appreciates his ability to shift people in a better direction Both guys agree that sometimes you hold people accountable to their negativity and sometimes you don’t. You gotta pick your spots Jim brings up politics and suggests that talking about it without using names. Not personalizing political discussion. Positive progress can be made. Self awareness comes into play again and questions are great tools to keep discussions civil Questions are disarming and make people think. Add positive energy and it’s magical Great leaders create hope for the future vibrationally Jim asks Mark to remember what moments he was able to vibrate out positivity and change the outcome of a situation Mark brings up some sports memories and Jim jumps in Mark shares his Sept 11 work story - how he dismissed his staff for the day and shifted the emotion in the room Jim shares a story about his friends loss and then his rugby national championship story. He played against doctors orders and raised the energy of his whole team leading to a victory Mark remembers a Larry Bird and Willis Reed story. Coming back into the game injured and how energy shifted for both teams Momentum shifts in sports and how quickly they occur…and then it’s game over Mark shares his takeaways - The past vs the present vs the future and how much influence we have at our disposal if we do the work (meditation, visualization, exercise…) Jim says it’s all a choice. Negative or positive and the energy in the room