Many parents use their relationship as a bargaining chip and tool to manage their kids' behavior, which can be problematic. This episode talks through this strategy  and some of the unintended consequences that might come as a result, and gives alternative ways to prioritize our relationship with our kids.

Often because we recognize how important attachment is for our kids, we then turn around and use that same attachment as a way to try to change kids' behavior and 'teach them a lesson.' This type of approach makes it almost impossible to feel safe and secure in relationships, which we know is required for kids to behave well and manage their emotions and behaviors.

Attempting to manipulate kids' behaivor by withholding love and connection can send really dangerous messages, that our relationship with them is dependent on their behavior, and if they don't meet our requirements, we'll withhold the very thing they so desperately crave.

Research is incredibly clear that kids learn through experiences as opposed to words. Connection, regulation, safety, and security cannot be taught and truly believed if we simply tell our kids about those concepts. They have to EXPERIENCE connection, safety, regulation, and security with us in order to believe that those concepts are true and can be trusted.

Relationship is ALWAYS the solution, not a tool to use to manipulate behavior.

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