FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript

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The Team Approach

Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey

From the series:       Art of Parenting: What Every Parent Needs (Day 3 of 3)

Bob: As parents, it’s important that you continue to grow in your relationship with the Lord and in your understanding of Scripture, because Barbara Rainey says you never know when your kids are going to ask you a question that’s a stumper.

Barbara: I’ll never forget—my grandson said to our daughter—he said, “Mom, why do I need to tell God what I did when He already knows?” Those are the kinds of things that parents run into. You’ve got to teach your children—what it means to forgive; why you need to confess your sin to God—because kids are smart, and they’re going to start thinking about that stuff. They’re going to press you on it. You have to know why you’re going where you’re going with your kids.

This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, October 31st. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. As parents, we don’t have to have all the answers to the questions our kids ask us; but we need to know where to find the answers. We’ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.

1:00

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. We’ve been spending time this week talking about: “What’s at the heart of parenting?”—what parents need to be thinking about and processing, together, as they raise their children.

I’m thinking back to when you first started working through what the Bible has to say about parenting—this was more that a quarter of a century ago—

Barbara: Gosh, that’s sounds forever.

Bob: I know. It does; doesn’t it? [Laughter] Right in the middle of—

Dennis: I think it is forever. [Laughter]

Bob: —in the middle of raising your kids, you took an extended season of time and dug into the Scriptures, and talked to a lot of pastors, and Bible teachers, theology professors.

Dennis: —men and women.

Bob: You got a lot of input. What is in your book, The Art of Parenting, is a lot of the fruit that came from those conversations, back years ago.

2:00

The thing I love about that is the fact that it’s still as relevant today as it was then, because we’re talking about things that are eternal—not things that are temporal.

Barbara: Yes.

Dennis: This was created in 1990 and ‘91, prior to radio. Because once radio started—it’s daily—I wasn’t able to get the time away to be able to do the fresh thinking that I took over a 12-18-month period. But I looked to see if I could condense down: “What’s the essence of parenting? What does God want us to do?”—and I found four things.

I think He wants us to teach relationships to our children—how to relate to God / how to relate to another sinful, selfish human being. We’re preparing our children, someday, probably for marriage. But our kids need to know how to love God and love one another.

Secondly, we are establishing and building their character. We’re shaping a child, who’s wise and not a fool—who knows what’s right and what’s wrong—how to choose one and not the other.

3:00

Character development is something that God works, over time, in our lives to create. The Bible is full of all kinds of illustrations of this. In fact, I think we take a whole chapter in the book, talking about how God develops character in us. I think we could take a page out of “How God Does That” and apply that to us, as parents; and we do that.

Third is the issue of identity. Keep in mind this was developed in 1990 and ‘91. We talked about how God created us with a spiritual identity: “Who are we?” “What are we to be about?” “Do we have value?” “Do we have purpose?” The answer is: “Yes.” Also, sexual identity. One of the first descriptions of man—in Genesis, Chapter 1, verses 26-28, was that He identified them as male and female. He says that definition three times in a matter of three verses.

4:00

Our sexual and spiritual identity, I believe today, are on the line as never before.

Finally, the fourth area is mission: “Why are we here?” “What’s our purpose?” These arrows were not designed to stay in the quiver. Children were made to be pulled back on a bow and let go and released to fulfill God’s mission for their lives.

Bob: Your wife Barbara is joining us this week as we talk about what parents need to keep in mind as we raise the next generation. Barbara, we’ve talked about the big picture—having the end in mind as you raise your kids. But parents need to also have kind of a working strategic plan for what they’re doing.

Dennis: Yes.

Bob: In fact, this is really the heart of you book. You help parents come up with a short-term strategic plan that needs to be reviewed and updated throughout the parenting years so that you’re always thinking: “In the next 12 months, what are the priorities?”

5:00

Barbara: Yes; right.

Bob: “In the next 24 months, what are the priorities?” Then come back—revisit that/readdress that—so that you’re being intentional as you raise your kids.

Barbara: Yes; and that’s a big word for us. Dennis and I have always wanted to be very intentional with our kids, and with our marriage, and with our lives; because we think that is what God has called us to do. He hasn’t called us just to exist and have fun. He has created us that we would glorify Him, and that we would raise godly children, and that we would have a marriage that would honor Him. That takes intentionality; it isn’t going to happen accidently. It’s not going to happen just by doing life. You have to make decisions that cause that to happen. As we talk about parenting, you have to begin with the end in mind.

In our book, we write and try to create a vision—try to help parents see the big picture—help them see the wonderful calling it is to be a parent, because it’s so easy to get caught up in the messiness of being a parent.

6:00

We are constantly casting that vision; but we’re also trying to be very practical and help—you know: “How to make decisions,” “How to work together as a team,” “How to be intentional,” “How to have the right values govern your everyday life, as a mom and a dad,”—so it’s both, togeth...