Today's Hot Topic will likely resonate with many a Shandy. If you struggle with perfectionism, your inner critic, feeling the need to prove yourself, and/or analysis paralysis, this conversation is a must. We're joined by Homaira Kabir, author of ‘Goodbye Perfect: How To Stop Pleasing, Proving and Pushing For Others… and Live For Yourself’, whose career is built on the research of how you (yes, you!) can flourish. Today we cover everything from the difference between being a perfectionist and just having high standards, how to not grow resentful when others can't live up to your "perfect" ideals, whether or not perfectionism equates to competitiveness, how not to raise perfectionist children, and how our purpose ties into all of the above. This one really tugged on Sharleen's heart strings and she thinks it will speak to you, too. Listen on for a lesson in letting go... Thanks to our sponsor! - Go to https://www.cozyearth.com/SHANDY and use code SHANDY at checkout to save 35%! More Homaira: - The Book, 'Goodbye Perfect: How To Stop Pleasing, Proving and Pushing For Others… and Live For Yourself’: https://amzn.to/3KcGcpq - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/homaira.kabir - Website: https://homairakabir.com - Podcast: Life Is A Highway Podcast: https://homairakabir.com/podcast/ Time Stamps: 0:00 - Welcome To Homaira Kabir! 3:48 - What Are Optimal Confidence and Fragile Confidence? 6:42 - Can We Have Fragile Confidence In Some Parts Of Our Lives And Optimal Confidence In Others? 9:30 - Since So Much Is Programmed Into Us As Infants, How Much Free Will Do We Even Have? 13:35 - What Are We Looking For When We Put So Much Out There And Are Disappointed By The Response? 16:05 - Is To Desire Perfection To Live In The Past? 19:30 - Is Perfectionism a Result Of Nature Or Nurture? 21:42 - How To Avoid Passing On This Trait To Children 22:58 - Are Perfectionists Trapped In The Wrong Gear? 26:53 - Is To Be A Perfectionist To Either Competitive Or Envious? 28:23 - Is It Possible To Keep The Benefits Of Perfectionism While Letting Go Of The Rest Or Is It All Or Nothing? 31:07 - What’s The Difference Between Perfectionism And High Standards? 33:22 - How Can One a) Not Put Their Perfect Ideals On Their Partner, and b) Not Resent Them For It 38:43 - What’s The Driving Force Behind Perfectionism? (Including Another Discussion About Shame!)  44:20 - Advice For Those Who Logically Know Perfectionism Isn’t Their Friend But Still Feel It’s Part Of Their Identity  48:33 - Tips For Those Who Suffer From Analysis Paralysis 55:07 - How Does One’s “Purpose” Play Into All This? 1:00:03 - What Would She Like Your Takeaway From This Conversation To Be? 1:02:27 - Shandy Debrief If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com Support Dear Shandy: https://redcircle.com/dear-shandy/donations Subscribe and watch the episodes on YouTube! https://bit.ly/SubscribeDearShandy More Dear Shandy Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dearshandy Facebook - https://fb.me/dearshandy More Sharleen Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sharleenjoynt Blog - http://www.alltheprettypandas.com More Andy Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/machinelevine Produced by Gabrielle Galon - https://www.instagram.com/gabsamillion Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dear-shandy/donations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices