Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are Jim and Kim Nestle of Clear View Retreat. Our family camp ministry is available to all families in the norms and storms of life. And, one of the very NORMal aspects of life is finding a life mate - someone with whom you can grow old with, share your dreams with, and, most importantly, represent the Lord with. Dating is a massive topic, and as we discussed this series, we realized that there are general areas for conversation and some needed specific areas of conversation. Today, we will address a very specific issue that not all dating couples will deal with, but because it was brought to our attention, we would like to start with it. This intro will touch on some of the points that we will detail out in the coming weeks, but if you have something that jumps out at you, please comment on our facebook page or send us an email. You can find either link at the top on our website clearviewretreat.org. Let’s dive in.Most of us do not meet someone, fall in love, and get married in three weeks. Dating is for the purpose of FINDING the proper mate, not MOLDING a specific person INTO the proper mate. Only God can do the necessary molding for a good and godly mate. Spending time with peers, whether in group settings or dating, allows a single person to get to know characteristics and behaviors that become non-negotiable needs or dislikes for their forever relationships. Many young ladies I have known, myself included, feel that when they are (or were) dating, she is intentionally spending time with that person in order to marry him, not just to see if she WANTS to marry HIM specifically. With this mindset, if a dating couple encounters a major problem, it MUST be worked through and overcome as a MARRIAGE requires instead of realizing that this is a DATING relationship that might not be the forever relationship that God has planned. I have heard several people say in their dating relationships, “His heart doesn’t match his behavior” referring to the differences in how the dating partner behaves in private versus how he behaves in public. For many of those folks, it causes numerous problems and divisions from friends and family members.Please note, that if your significant other behaves badly in private and behaves well in public, that is require a vastly different conversation than we are having here now. We will discuss this more in coming weeks.Today, we are talking about when you or someone you love, such as one of your teen or young adult children, says that their boyfriend or girlfriend’s behavior in public which is obnoxious or rude or disrespectful or crass behavior, you get the idea - is not the same as his or her behavior in private wherein he or she is kind, gentle, and caring - especially when it is just the two of them together - thus the statement, “their heart doesn’t match their behavior.” That statement is simply not biblically true because God is not a liar. This is a hard chat to have with someone in love, but God’s word says in Matthew 12:34 “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” We all want to be in denial that our worst behaviors are somehow NOT reflective of our inner heart’s attitude, but reality is that those bad behaviors reveal SOMETHING about us. Note, this is not to say that our bad behaviors reveal we are bad people or that someone in a dating relationship with this issue must immediately stop seeing the other person. However, our behaviors do, indeed, reveal something that is going on in our hearts, and when we are interacting with those in dating relationships, we five-minute families must speak God’s truth in love.Reasons abound for why there may be a discrepancy in someone’s public and private behavior. The most obvious one is that our first thoughts are not often the God thoughts we will come to if we take time to pray, meditate, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in us. So,...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is our first devotional in 2024. As many are doing, we are taking this time to reflect back on last year and look forward to the new one. In years past, we have made different suggestions for families to have intentional discussions surrounding the newness concept. Last year we discussed standards, goals, resolutions, and new opportunities. The year before we discussed possibilities and planning by beginning with the end in mind, and in our first year with the Five Minute Family we suggested coming up with a family word of the year. Personally for our own family, some of these ideas worked better than others through the years, depending on the ages and needs of our children at the time. As I was driving to be with family this holiday, I heard a podcast by Mel Robbins. She explained six questions to ask yourself as you step into the new year. The first three are focused on reviewing the past year, and the next three steps are focused on the coming year. To give that concept the Five Minute Family spin (with a bonus), let’s discuss the first three past-year reflective questions she poses.First, what were your family highlights from last year? Remembering the good and lovely things that happened are important, even if the year had many sad or difficult moments. 1 Corinthians 11:2 encourages us to remember the wonderful gifts from our Lord: “Now I praise you because you remember me in everything.” Just as Mel Robbins encouraged, don’t only rely on your own memory, pull out the camera roll and calendar to give you and your loved ones a fuller picture of the year. Second question: What were your hardest moments this year as a family? Psalm 56:8 points out that God has put our tears in a bottle. As one author put it “Our sorrows matter to God.” Reflecting on those hard times allows us to remember how they affected us and is important, especially when you get to question number three.What did you learn about yourselves this past year? There may be a bit more self-focus on this question as you discuss this as a family, but try to keep in mind the family identity you are cultivating and how the individual’s changes impact the family identity as well as how the family identity may have been fundamentally altered. What does that mean moving forward as a Christ-centered family? 1 Peter 4:10 puts it this way, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another.”In May 2021 we discussed the “stop start continue” concept as it could be applied to the marital relationship. Mel Robbins used that concept as her second set of three questions - the forward-looking questions. Here, we want to prompt your thoughts to get your minds focused as a family on what you can collectively do.First up in the moving forward category, what do you need to STOP doing as a family? Acts 3:19-20a states, “Therefore, repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out, that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord…” Not all of the actions you think of may be sinful, but there are actions you need to stop as a family because they may not be the most edifying. Sinful actions such a complaining or gossiping need to go, of course, but what about the actions of always calling out what someone else is doing wrong? I know I am guilty of that. As mom, it is my job to correct and instruct my children, but are there some situations in which I need to hold my tongue and let them see the need for a change in their behavior themselves?Second in the moving forward category is, what do you need to continue doing? Are you already intentional AT LEAST five strategic moments a day to stay connected as a family? If you are reading God’s word daily, that’s another thing to keep continuing doing. Do you already build one another up with your words and actions?And, finally, in the moving forward, almost resolution-esque category, what do you...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Most of us who were raised in the church have heard at some point, “Don’t run or play in the sanctuary.” We get to know the sanctuary as a room in the church building. But, truly what does sanctuary mean and how does that impact the five-minute family?For most of history, the word sanctuary referred to the holiest of holy places in a church, usually where the Lord’s supper was taken. Sanctuary has both literal and figurative meanings in today’s usage. Most people refer to any place wherein they feel safe and secure as a sanctuary. Folks today who are seeking refuge, may literally go into a church and ask for figurative sanctuary. Sanctuary has basically two main meanings in the Bible. In the old covenant, the sanctuary is a physical space considered the holiest of holies, and only the high priest is allowed to enter once a year, and if he was unclean, he would die. In Exodus 25:8, God says, “And let them make me a sanctuary, that I may dwell in their midst.” The sanctuary was a physical place for the presence of the one true God. Jeremiah 17:12 further describes it with “A glorious throne set on high from the beginning” as “the place of our sanctuary.”As Hebrews 9 declares in verses 8 and 9, “The Holy Spirit was making it clear that the way into the most holy place had not yet been disclosed while the first tabernacle was still standing. This is a symbol for the present time, during which gifts and sacrifices are offered that cannot perfect the worshiper’s conscience.” Continuing in verse 11 that Christ came as a high priest, entering the most holy place for all time by His own blood. With this new covenant, Christ is our sanctuary. He is the high priest who brings us into the presence of the Most High God. As we wrote this, Kim battled with these two questions:1. Is the reason we have reduced the meaning of the word sanctuary from the holiest of holies to a personal safe place because we have slowly replaced God in our society with the little ‘g’ god of self?2. Or, have we finally allowed ourselves to fully grasp that God is everywhere, and we can step into His holiness at any time because of the great work of Jesus Christ on the cross?And, honestly, I think it is both/and, not either/or. If we allow ourselves to focus on the feeling of calm, the lack of conflict, or the desire for comfort, we can certainly - very quickly and easily - replace the one True God with our little ‘g’ god-selves. HOWEVER, if we focus on God and realize that He is so much more than a room in a building, then we have allowed Him to transform our stilted, “don’t run here” thinking into welcoming Him into every facet of our lives, bringing joy, peace, calm, and comfort, no matter what storm may rage around us. As Ezekiel 11:16 says, “Though I removed them far off among the nations, and though I scattered them among the countries, yet I have been a sanctuary to them for a while in the countries where they have gone.”So, how does a five-minute family become a sanctuary for the Lord and for those in the family itself?1. Be spirit led. Galatians 5:16-18, the Apostle Paul tells us to “walk by the Spirit.” Walking by the Spirit means we choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 2. Be in God’s Word daily. This is hard. Trust us, we know. There are distractions galore. Kim and I are in God’s Word daily, but we often fail to get into the word every day with our children. We don’t have any regular schedule, and this makes it that much harder. We don’t say that to make excuses; we say it to let you know we understand. We are right there with you if this is an area of struggle for your family. 3. We must set our minds on God. He says in Psalm 91:14, “Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name.” To set our minds on God, we

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Tying back to our last 2023 devotion about demonstrating emotions, today we want to explore the Bible verses surrounding the appropriateness of emotions themselves. I watched a reel that demonstrated someone coming to their spouse and sharing that the spouse’s behavior had made them feel badly. The spouse immediately got defensive and said that they weren’t mean. To skip to the summary, the spouse felt if they agreed with their significant other’s feelings, then the spouse would be admitting they were wrong. But, feelings about a situation are not right or wrong. As Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org writes, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.”Jesus had feelings. He wept, which indicates he felt sadness and loss. We know he was distressed in Mark 14. He felt and had compassion for those around him. He got frustrated when he was at the temple, and we know he felt tempted but, of course, never sinned. If Jesus had feelings, we do not have to adopt an attitude of stoicism to be a good Christian. Thankfully, we know that God created emotions and emotions themselves are neither bad nor good. It is what we do with our emotions that matter. Remember, like we said in our past devotion, it is ok to have big emotions, but it is what we do with those emotions that matters most.As Christ-followers, we can be emotional beings, not the negative connotation of emotional, but the willingness to allow ourselves and others to feel, acknowledge, accept, and process their emotions. When someone we love dies, even after a long and painful season, we can be sad, we can weep, we can allow ourselves to feel the levels of loss that that person’s death will bring to our lives. Sometimes, our bodies will go through a period of change, of depression, of chemical imbalances. There is a time for everything, including the emotions that seem undesirable. It is through the undesirable emotions of loss, frustration, grief, and more that we learn about our loved ones - both those who are left behind and those who have died. It is through undesirable emotions that we often learn more about ourselves - what motivates us, what triggers us, what causes us to get up and get moving each morning. You get the idea.So, let’s talk about five more emotions addressed in the Bible.First, delight. In Psalm 37:4, we read, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Delight. We are allowed to feel pleasure, to feel good about our lives, our families. That delight must begin with the Lord.Second, affection. Romans 12:10 tells us to “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” We can enjoy being with someone - a husband, a friend, a church family member. We can feel fondly for one another and enjoy being together.Third, fear. Remember, nowhere in the Bible do we read that Jesus felt fear. And, God’s word tells us, according to some, 365 times not to fear. If God’s word addresses fear that many times, then we know that we are going to experience it, but let’s take those fearful thoughts captive, and turn the spirit of fear on its head as Luke 12:4-5 encourages us to do, “I say to you, my friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will show you the one to fear: Fear him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the one to fear!”Fourth, anger. So many Christians think if they get angry, they are sinning. Jesus got angry, yet He did not sin. As Psalm 37:8 points out, “Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated—it can only bring harm.” I think Ephesians 4:26 says it a little better, “Be angry and do not sin.” And, fifth, joy. We know Jesus felt joy. In John 15, He tells us to abide in the Father so that His joy will be in us and our joy will be made full. We also know from Psalm 5:11 that when we take...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Do you feel stuck, ill-equipped, or unknowledgeable? Think back to your early years of schooling. You weren’t born knowing how to read; you went through a process to learn how to read. The thing is that most of us forget the process of the things we now know and begin to do automatically. However, when something challenging comes along, we are often frustrated that we do not know or understand how to handle the situation. Don’t forget, though, that growing in the Lord as a family is a process, and we each have to learn how to hold to Him and extend His grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Whenever you feel discouraged or unaware, remember the word “yet.” So, “I don’t know” becomes “I don’t know YET.” “I don’t understand”… “I don’t understand YET.” Remember what James wrote in James 1:5, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.” That verse doesn’t say you will know immediately when something happens, especially as a family with various levels of biblical knowledge and application. Take a breath and pray for wisdom to come. Remember, in Psalm 27:14, we are reminded to wait for the Lord. Here are five suggestions:Refocus your mind on Christ. James 3:13-17 Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense.Seek godly counsel. Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life.Control your emotions. Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Emotions are normal, how you respond to those emotions is the challenge set before us. Be humble. Don’t try to get ahead of the Lord like Sarah did. Remember 1 Corinthians 3:18-20, “Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks he is wise in this age, let him become a fool so that he can become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God, since it is written, He catches the wise in their craftiness; and again, The Lord knows that the reasonings of the wise are futile.”Stay hopeful. As Psalm 130:5 says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.”Five minute families, none of us know everything we need to know to deal with the issues that will arise. The flipside of the encouraging “yet” is, for example, we will face death in our immediate families, but we have not yet. We will face addiction in our family or biblical community, but we have not yet. We will have moments of overwhelm, irritation, rebellion, disinterest, and so much more, in our families, even if we haven’t yet. Don’t let “yet” be a negative word in your home. Hold tight to God’s truth that nothing is new under the sun and that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge (Proverbs 1:7). Since wisdom resides in the heart of the discerning (Proverbs 14:33), we know that by holding onto God in difficult or simply confusing times, we can come out the other side, praising Him and being even more effective to share His truth and light to those around us who are hurting. Steve Laube put it this way, “In every sense Jesus is our “yet.” Everything before Him pales when compared to the after.” John 1: 11-12 says, “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. How are you doing this week? Do you have your daily, intentional family time carved out and part of your routine yet? If not, please take five minutes to go back and listen to the very first Five Minute Family podcast on your favorite podcast player. Our hope for your family is that you grow closer to one another, seeing the uniqueness of each individual creating a distinctive and amazing family identity.Today, let’s discuss the concept of waiting, the concept of “not yet.” Have you ever trained a dog? My sister trained our childhood dog to “wait” despite his favorite treat - a slice of cheese - being placed on the floor in front of him. He would look away, eyeball the cheese, and then look up at her expectantly. It was hard, but he knew that she always gave him good and wonderful things - her love, her attention, his needs met, and treats - yummy, yummy treats. There were times that if he listened and left the piece of cheese alone on the ground, she would give him a bigger one, and then, almost always he got the one that had been placed before him as well.Now, obviously, we are not created to be obedient dogs to the Lord, but we could learn a lot from them. When we dream something and it seems almost possible but not yet quite attainable, do we trust our Lord and Savior to do what is best for His glory and our good, or do we try to scoot around and get closer to dream another way? Do we just reach out and grab it when it isn’t the best timing? To further the dog analogy, we could have had two pieces of cheese if we had waited but we didn’t. We must remember in our time of “not yet” that God may be preparing us to be ready to receive properly. Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Often times, God is protecting us from something we cannot see. Psalm 3:3 states, “But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.” At the time of Kim’s sister training their dog, there had been some evil people leaving poisoned food along the walkways to harm animals. Their dog needed to follow her commands in order to be protected from this danger.“Not yet” seasons are often growth seasons. We might not be able to see the work being done on our roots, but when the moment arrives, the strength that we have gained allows us to appreciate the dream, the goal, or even the peace all the more. Don’t forget what God says in James 1:2, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Isaiah 55:8 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” It is not yet time. Psalm 27:14 reads “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Sometimes, five-minute families, it is simply not yet time. We have to remember all the things that God has brought us through so that we can trust Him in this season of “not yet,” too.And, never forget that God may have said “not yet” because He actually has a new direction for you to follow. Colossians 1:9 - “And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” We will still stay on the right path as one blogger wrote, but we must remember that the right path is God’s path, and so if He leads you to a place of not yet and then redirects you, He does have a plan and a purpose. As Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, we must “Trust in the Lord with all our heart; and lean not on our own understanding. We must acknowledge Him, and He will direct our paths.” We need to be unwavering in holding onto God as we walk this life together. When one of us in the family experiences frustration or difficulty in the season of “not yet,” then we get to...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever gone snow skiing before? Some people have great spatial and physical awareness. And, for them, skiing becomes a dream of freedom and fun. For others, however, snow skiing when you do not yet have full awareness can be quite frightening.Now, if you have a parent or spouse who was told how to control their skis, and they have the spatial and physical awareness, skiing was easy for them. A few runs to get the full gist of when and how to control the force of gravity acting upon your body, and they were ready for more challenging slopes. For those of us who do not have that type of spatial and physical awareness, being introduced to the more difficult runs too soon can be a painful or terrifying experience.Why mention that? Because, parents, you may have experiences with your spouse or child in which you have the spiritual knowledge or emotional skills to understand the forces acting on you and your family and handle those experiences completely differently than your spouse or child even though they have been exposed to the same set of current circumstances but whose past experiences (or nonexistent experiences) have not prepared them to handle the new experience well. Another example, are those younger children who are allowed to participate in older children’s activities due to their parents’ involvement. The adults do not realize that they are setting the younger children up for attitudes of hubris since these younger children have the security of a new experience with mom or dad nearby while, when it is finally an age-appropriate activity, they have comparative few fears or concerns and often sit in judgment and pride toward other children their own age experiencing the situation for the first time - but those friends are without the security of their parents around. None of the kids really understand the experiential or emotional differences. And, unfortunately, it happens more than the adults realize. The set-up is for the adults’ convenience sake, but the offense to the other children judged by the advantaged ones is still very real.Those are just two of uncountable examples of an imbalances or differences in experience, maturity, awareness, physical ability, and more. How do we five-minute families deal with these within our own families and communities?First, we must remember the concept of 2 Peter 1: 5-8. We each have different measures of qualities that need to be refined and strengthened. “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if you possess these qualities and they are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Families, remember that not everyone knows what you know or can do what you do.Second, don’t let age be your only gauge. I once heard an elderly woman say, “I am old, so listen to me” even though she had completely missed the point of what the younger (middle aged) man was saying. Elihu’s words in Job 32 to Job and his three friends immediately came to mind. He said, “I am young in years, while you are old; therefore I was timid and afraid to tell you what I know. I thought that age should speak and maturity should teach wisdom. But it is the spirit in a person—the breath from the Almighty—that gives anyone understanding. It is not only the old who are wise or the elderly who understand how to judge.” Now, please don’t mis-hear us. Be respectful of your elders, but elders, you need to also be respectful of those younger than you.Third, slow down. Nothing can summarize that better than James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” We must...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. How are you today? We have been under some chaotic, stressful, filled with unknown type of situations recently, and it got us thinking… wouldn’t it be nice for things to be how they were… comfortable, chill, and known? Known… That is what the comfort zone is all about. The known.The comfort zone is a place or situation where we feel safe, at ease, and without stress. Some say the comfort zone is good; some say it is bad. Some say it is neither good nor bad. We say that the comfort zone can be a tool, and if used wisely, can expand your life while keeping you grounded and joyful.But, before we dive into the good and wise uses of the comfort zone, let’s focus this first week in our “Comfort Zone” series to address the pitfalls that come from returning to or staying too long in the comfort zone. If you settle into your comfort zone and then begin to value feeling over doing, you will find yourself with a host of problems. First, the comfort zone will quickly and easily allow someone to become complacent. Complacency is being pleased with ourselves without awareness of some potential danger or defect. It is most basically summarized as self-satisfaction. Luke 6:46 warns against this when it says, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” Complacency in action often means inaction in reality. James 4:17 cautions us, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”Second, the comfort zone has led many folks in complicity. Complicity is “the state of being involved with others in an illegal activity or wrongdoing.” Now, we aren’t meaning full blown illegal behavior necessarily, but being complicit in the family’s comfort zone, might be starting another episode of the show you have been binge watching when you know your brother or sister hasn’t gotten anything done that they were supposed to do that day. We see this biblically in Exodus 32. Aaron is asked by the Israelites to return to the comfort zone of polytheistic worship, and he steps right back into that comfort zone with them by creating the Golden Calf.Third, the comfort zone offers us protections from the fear of the unknown. The uneasiness created within us when we are doing something new can lead to disharmony and frustration among our family members. When one of us is uneasy, it can rub off on the others, so the comfort zone may keep us looking inward (and ultimately creating even more unknowns). We cry out “There’s a lion outside” like the slacker in Proverbs 22:13, but the lion is in our imaginations. Fourth, the comfort zone leads us to settling for “just enough” and thus avoiding exceling. Settling in the comfort zone typically means the basic needs are met, but our wants and deepest desires are not. Proverbs 13:4 informs us that “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing.” Matthew 6:33 tells us to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” But, if we are stuck in the comfort zone in our family, we won’t challenge ourselves and each other to achieve more for the kingdom of God or for our loved ones.Fifth, the comfort zone gives us a false sense of control. For anyone who has heard me speak about the illusion of control, you know that we cannot give into the false truths that come from thinking that we can control all the minutia of how our lives will go. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We do not control the world around us, nor the people in our families or biblical communities, but the comfort zone brings that illusion.Is your home a limiting, avoidant comfort zone? Much of life is about balancing risks and rewards. Be aware of the risks of the comfort zone, so that you and your loved ones can avoid the pitfalls. Do not let the risks of the comfort zone overwhelm your home and your family....

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Last time we were together, we discussed the risks of staying in the comfort zone. The comfort zone is all about what is known. It is the place or situation in which we feel at ease and without stress. For a reminder, if we fail to heed the risks of the comfort zone, we fall prey to only feeling over doing - our sense of ease over taking action. The good of the comfort zone is that we see that our being - our very existence - is more important than any action we could ever take. Being over doing is the good of the comfort zone. A good biblical example of the good of the comfort zone is Mary of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Mary stopped her “doing” and entered into a place of “being.” She sat at the feet of Jesus, focusing on the very purpose of life and her existence within His kingdom. Our families are to be comfort zones like when we sit at the feet of Jesus. Our family comfort zone offers safety, security, peace, rest, and support. Let’s start with the first two: safety and security. Those words are often used together, almost synonymously as adjectives, and while safe can also only be a noun and secure can also only be a verb, safe and secure (safety and security) are two sides of the same coin. Safe or safety is more readily defined as the personal feeling or condition of being free from harm whereas secure or security more readily involves the act of protection the efforts or measures that are outside of the person.Proverbs 18:10 demonstrates that “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” When the family holds tight to God’s word and his power, the family comfort zone should be secure. Job 11:18 “And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security.”How? When a family member is struggling, the family comfort zone allows for a space that is both safe and secure. Think of a child being bullied at school. Having home a respite where the child knows he or she will be able to relax and know that others cannot hurt them there is part of the job of being a parent. Moms and dads, this means that you MUST be monitoring your children’s devices, especially if your child has any social media, texting, or gaming app that allows for more than pre-fab comments. Home is not secure if people are allowed to attack us from the false anonymity of their devices.Next, the family comfort zone should offer peace and rest. A website I found summarized the difference this way, “Peace is a state of calmness and tranquility, while rest is a physical or mental state of relaxation or recovery.” John 16:33 reminds us of God’s peace, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” And, in Exodus 33:14, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” How does a family comfort zone provide peace and rest? First, we need to remember that we are all wired differently. Some family members will need much more sleep than the others. Some will need quieter spaces to find their peace and rest whereas some will feel rested after a fun, loud family game night. To have a family comfort zone that works for each of you, you will need to stay observant and open to different options as needed. And, lastly, a family comfort zone must offer support. Support means to bear all or part of the weight of something. It means to literally hold up if needed. Ecclesiastes 4:12 “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”Every single one of us will need support at some point in our lives. By choosing a family life of one anothering, a family member will always know that even if they mess up royally, they will have the loving support of their family, and yes, that even includes holding them accountable for

Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are so glad you are joining us for the third and final devotion in our comfort zone series. If you missed the other two, please check them out on your favorite podcast app or head over to our website clearviewretreat.org.Comfort zone has its risks and benefits, and as we mentioned at the beginning of this series, the comfort zone can be a tool. If the family comfort zone is used wisely, it can expand your life while keeping you grounded and joyful.Bfreecoaching on reddit wrote it well, so we won’t even try to paraphrase it. They wrote, “Getting out of your comfort zone can inspire you to make changes, but your comfort zone is the sustainable component that empowers you to stick with those changes and receive their full benefits in the long-term. Your comfort zone is where you feel loved, supported, appreciated, valued, secure and worthy; and staying there is how you thrive. So instead of leaving your comfort zone — expand it — so you feel more comfortable doing more things. Then you can create the life you want through comfort and satisfaction, instead of discomfort and fear.”So, we can see the tool analogy we mentioned. Truly, the perfect use of the comfort zone is to find the place wherein the family is applying God’s Word and acting in ways that honor Him while knowing their individual worth by simply being made in His image. If the bad of the comfort zone is ‘feeling over doing or being,’ and the benefits demonstrate the ‘being over doing or feeling,’ then the best application of the family comfort zone is encouraging ‘Doing WHILE being.’ Expand your comfort zone. Here are but five verses to get you started:Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”Galatians 5:1-26 “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery”2 Timothy 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”Mark 16:15 “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.”James 1:22 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only.”As your family gains confidence in the routine aspects of the comfort zone and encouraging daily family life, each of you is able to point your focus on other more challenging tasks, tasks that will likely take more mental and physical energy - tasks to expand and enrich your comfort zone. Likewise, after a family comfort zone expansion challenge, meaning your family has pushed the boundaries of the typical comfort zone, either individually or together, you get to then return to better known situations and be renewed to continue the cycle of rejuvenation and expansion of your comfort zone.2 Peter 3:18 tells us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Growing in grace involves expansion of the comfort zone. It involves loving others who are unknown to you, it involves facing your fears together, it involves being devalued by outsiders but remembering your intrinsic worth. Keeping your focus on God’s truth allows you to feel appreciated even if everyone on the outside of your family comfort zone does not appreciate you. And, so much more.Now, lest you think you have nothing to give, remember 1 Corinthians 12:5-7, “There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God works all of them in each person. A manifestation of the Spirit is given to each person for the common good.” You have been given an aspect of God’s spirit to work in His kingdom - in your family and in your community.1 timothy 4:14-15 admonishes us not to “neglect the gift that is in” us and to “Practice these things; be committed to them, so that your progress may be evident to all.”Ask yourselves

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Kim and I had a wonderful opportunity to go with our two youngest sons on an international mission trip. Our many thanks go out to the local church members who supported us and the entire team. While we may not all be able to go, we can all be mission-minded with our time, talents, and prayers. With our mission trip still fresh in my mind, I had another blessed occasion to share a devotional with the ladies of my church at a special “Tea Party” themed fellowship. As I researched the positive effects of herbal teas, I came across this quote: “herbal teas are a unique class among beverages and function as a cornerstone in physical and mental well-being.” It was the word ‘cornerstone’ that caught my eye.As Acts 4:11 points out, Jesus is the believer’s cornerstone. All that we do, say, have, want, and need should be squared properly on the ultimate cornerstone. Exactly, and so with a play on words ending in the -tea sound, I built on the cornerstone of Jesus Christ for the devotional message at our tea party. Here are five figurative -teas that God would have us Christ-followers make sure that we have, do, or be.The first -tea God wants for us is CERTAINTY. Certainty for our SALVATION. We are free from doubt of where our eternal home will be. John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” The assurance and confidence we have in Christ’s sacrifice is the foundation for all of our earthly living. The second -tea is CLARITY. We need to gain clear understanding of God’s word so that we grow in SANCTIFICATION. Sanctification is the process of growing more and more Christlike, and as John 17:17-19 states, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. I sanctify myself for them, so that they also may be sanctified by the truth. As Jesus prayed for His disciples, so we must pray for one another.” Each of us will go through struggles, but we must keep God’s truth at the forefront of our minds and pray for one another when effective communication and decision-making are needed in our walk with the Lord.The third -tea is CAPABILITY. 1 Peter 4:10-11 says, “Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything.” We each have different TALENTS, different abili--ty. Just as one person is the head, someone else is a foot. We each are necessary for our biblical community. And, that brings us to our fourth -tea COMMUNITY. A biblical community is a group of Christ followers fostering a sense of belonging and support. That is concept called ONE ANOTHERING. The phrase "one another” appears about 100 times in the New Testament, 59 of those occurrences are specific commands teaching us how (and how not) to relate to one another. "Love one another" appears eleven times alone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.” Likewise, biblical community and one anothering goes hand-in-hand with curiosity such as 1 Corinthians 10:24 encourages, “No one is to seek his own good, but the good of the other person.” We cannot seek the good of someone if we do not know them. We must be inquisitive and eager to engage in community. And, our final -tea to think about today is CONNECTIVITY. Connectivity is the state of being connected or interconnected, highlighting its interlinked, integrated, and unified aspects. UNITY Umm, that can be awfully hard sometimes, but like Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org said, “Our pursuit of unity is designed to give us many opportunities to die to our...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever heard the words, “I want to be a Christian but I don’t know how?” The simplicity of that question hides the longing and surrender that came before and the further learning that will follow. If you have never had the opportunity to share the gospel message with someone, we hope that you will pray to the Lord that He includes you in someone else’s faith journey. The confusion that comes before and the questions you might get are worth it when you see the hope shine in someone’s eyes.As a Christ-centered family, we all must be careful to NOT contribute to the confusion and questions that our loved ones will face, especially our children. When we were in Panama on our mission trip, we presented the gospel, asked if anyone would like to pray, and then prayed aloud so that if anyone wanted to make their confession of faith, they could do so. We did not ask a bunch of theological questions first. We did not make sure that they were in perfect alignment, doctrinally speaking. We took to heart the straightforward message of Romans 10:9-11, “That you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”Five Minute families, we know that not all of the people who make a profession of faith have come to know the Lord. Some thought they had to say it to get something. Some did not understand. Some just love the attention. But, that isn’t really for us to decide. We must take them on their word that they have made a profession of faith. Then, discipleship begins. On a short-term international mission trip, the discipleship aspect falls to the local church (and we must pray for the local church in earnest), but at home, we have to make sure that we have presented the gospel message without all the worldly frustrations, traditions, and confusions that we may add to it unknowingly. It is good for our children to know the story of David and Goliath, Moses and Egypt, Samson, and more, but they need to know primarily the good news of Jesus Christ. We encourage you to take a moment to pray for your immediate family members. Think about their needs; ask God to open a door to discuss their faith journey. Maybe they will share with you that moment that God illuminated His truth in their life and we will see that you have a brother or sister in Christ sitting before you. Or, you might realize that while your loved can find and memorize Scripture and tell you the proper answer to every Bible story, he or she might not have had a moment in which God called him to Himself. He may not even fully understand what the gospel message actually is. If that is the case, then make sure you don’t inundate your family member with a bunch of demanding questions. Ask God to reveal to you which Scriptures to share and what points to discuss.Be prepared at all times to share the gospel message with anyone who crosses your path, but likewise, be prepared to share the gospel message to someone you know has heard it in some form a hundred times before at church events. Maybe you learned to share the salvation story through what some commonly call the “Romans Road” or maybe you have heard of the “Share Jesus Without Fear” questions, and you prefer that method. Whatever God impresses upon you and wherever He leads, be faithful to open the discussion about whether or not your loved one is saved. Now, don’t ask them every day or try to convince them if they do not make a profession of faith right then and there. You are not the Holy Spirit. But, you are to be a faithful servant of the Lord, and you can open the discussion, and even if it breaks down, you can ask permission to circle back again in the...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is the first week of 2023. We hope you had a wonderful time of celebration (or sleep) to ring in the new year! A new year brings new hope, new ideas, and new opportunities. For those listening to us here on the local radio station, we hope you will consider the new idea of volunteering with us as a family in one of the various ways we have available - during a retreat event, working on the facility, or working behind the scenes. If you, your family, your youth group, small group, or civic organization would be interested in helping us help families transform their lives from survival to thriving, please contact us at clearviewretreat.org.For others listening, we hope you will take the new opportunity to join us for a family camp, marriage retreat, or one of our other program offerings. The calendar is out, and we would love to chat with you about booking an event to build your family’s discipleship strategy and biblical community. As 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!” If we are a new creation, then we have new opportunities abounding every. Single. Day. So, let’s look at some Scripture to inspire us in the new opportunities we will see in 2023. Galatians 6:10 points out how we can focus on the PURPOSE of new opportunities. “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.” We have a purpose of doing good for all. For ourselves, for our families, for our biblical communities, and more.Ephesians 5:16-18 shows that we must be willing to take ACTION. The Common English Bible states it this way, “Take advantage of every opportunity because these are evil times.” ‘Take advantage’ means that we must take action; we must be ready to move forward when God shows us the next step He wants our family to take.If we are taking advantage of opportunities and seeing the purpose of our opportunities as doing good, then Galatians 5:13 falls into better focus. “For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.” We must remember that in every new opportunity we must have an attitude of SERVING one another. Colossians 4:2-6 commands that we must “[d]evote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us that God may open a door to us for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains, so that I may make it known as I should. Act wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.” In every new opportunity, a Christ-following family must have an openness to sharing the good news of our salvation in Christ Jesus. (SHARE)Ecclesiastes 9:10a tells us, “Whatever your hands find to do, do with all your strength.” Five-minute families, we must KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Paul’s ministry is a great illustration of continuing to move forward. The book of Acts follows Paul and his companions on three missionary journeys. Paul thought he was supposed to be a minister to his people the Jews, but God had a different plan. Paul kept moving forward, continually seeking God’s voice as God led Paul to the Gentiles.As you seek God’s leading for your family, be mindful of all the new opportunities He brings to you. A few opportunities you are supposed to endeavor to do individually, but many will be family opportunities. Remember, that you each have unique and wonderful contributions to make in any family endeavor. Family opportunities can be a little more difficult to plan and a little different in their implementation, but the richness of relationship that you will build within your family and alongside other families is

Good morning, Five Minute Families! The sun is shining as we plan out what to share with you today. The sun streaming in my windows makes me smile. It doesn’t have to be warm outside, and I don’t have to have the sun on me to feel better. Simply seeing it improves my mood. You know, there are people like that. Simply seeing them makes me smile. Sometimes, they are busy and only have a moment to flash a grin my way, yet, they always leave their glow behind. What happens, though, when everyone around us is NOT like sunshine? Often, pastors will talk about the ‘church family.’ Sometimes, they are referring to the capital ‘C’ church family, but normally they are bringing it in to the closeness of the local congregation. And, just like any family, some folks are sunshine, and some folks always have clouds or rain around them - at least with always cloudy peeps, we know what to expect, but what about those people who are sometimes sunny and sometimes rainy? Just like the real weather, we can run the percentages, but often we just don’t know what we are going to get. You know, when I was in drama class eons ago, we would warm up our lips by say “Whether the weather is hot, or whether the weather is cold, we’ll weather the weather whatever the weather, whether we like it or not.”So, in our biblical communities, whether we like it or not, we must learn how do we deal with one another in kind, loving ways - especially when someone is variable and we just aren’t sure how to react. We treat them like family, the way God says… one anothering as brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers in the faith.Let’s pray for one another - and, pray, too, for God to reveal if we ourselves are only fair-weather friends. I used to always hug people, yet as I have gotten older, I have learned many people don’t like hugs. I am a time person, but since time at church doesn’t really allow for prolonged conversations, a hug used to say so much. However, with the pandemic touching concerns, my own health-induced anxiety, and moving to a new place not knowing who the huggers are, my hug-giving has fallen by the wayside. It makes me sad and awkward about ‘to hug or not to hug.’ And, that’s just a small snippet of what happens in some folks’ head when you approach them.Listen well. When someone is able to bring the sunshine each week, he or she may need someone who is listening between the lines. OR, maybe if the sunshine person is being real, then he or she needs to stop and allow the ‘rain cloud’ to lighten his or her load. If the rain cloud person does not feel listened to, he or she will return home heavier and heavier each week. Listen well to their words and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.Be authentic but be self-controlled. If you are the oft-changing, variable person, realize how your lack of self-control affects those in your biblical community. I know that everything I feel shows on my face, and with the difficulty of the past few years, I am one of the varying people. I need to remember that being bubbly one day and Eeyore the next time we meet makes it difficult for others to engage with me.Be more accepting. Kim and I began doing the “whether the weather” statement that each week before we record the Family Minute Family. The reality is that we need to see our fellow church family members for who they are - not just who we want them to be but who they are right now. Not just who God will continue to grow them to be but who they are right now. Sometimes, we are in the thick of a storm, and sometimes we are the storm. Sometimes, we may be the only ray of sunshine our church family member may see the entire week. Shift perspectives. You don’t have to agree with the person’s view of life, but try to understand that they may be struggling with things that they themselves do not even fully understand yet. Here, especially, if you are a more mature Christian, adopt a mentoring mindset....

Good morning, Five Minute Families! Our household has now had someone sick for over ten days. Unfortunately, a couple of us were worse than the others and recovery has been slow. Healing takes time. And, even after we are contagious, we may not be feeling our best.Thus has been the case for Jim and Joe, who had it the worst of all of us and are still having a hard time with stamina and respiratory issues. Yet, they re-engaged in life, while still not feeling back to their normal selves. This can present a challenge for those around them. One minute they are up and engaging and the next they are sound asleep. And, sometimes that means missing out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities - such as Jojo’s first ever team pictures. Then, when Joe tried to go to his basketball game days after last having a fever, he was fatigued and still coughing a little. His nerves were off the charts, making him nauseous on top of feeling so tired. His coach was kind and reassuring through the nerves. Once Joe felt ready, Coach put him into the game. While Joe was in, Coach encouraged his other players to give him a chance to shoot. Those boys, young and considerate, did so - multiple times, though he didn't score. Once Joe couldn't run anymore due to his breathing, he had to leave the game. Coach cared about Joe’s needs, met him where he was, and encouraged him to keep giving beyond what he had limited himself to think possible. This mama’s heart was so full watching someone pour into my son. About 50% of children in the United States participate in organized team sports between the ages of six and seventeen. And, while not all children will have a coach in their lives, ALL children have a parent-figure in their lives. We can’t solve all of the world’s problems, but we must realize just like the three things Joe’s coach gave him on Saturday, we parents (or parent-figures) must meet those three areas plus two more in the parenting realm.We must care about EACH child. Parents, you will resonate more with some of your children than with others. We see it in life, as parents, as observers, some children are just easier to parent. That does not mean we care for the others less than the easy. THIS DO NOT ABSOLVE us from continuing to meet our children where they are, caring for them even when their behavior is quite upsetting. Just as Paul in 1 Corinthians 9, we must become Jewish to the Jew, weak to the weak, all things to all people. We, as Christ-following parents, must make changes in our own approach in order to meet each child where he or she is. We must also encourage them to become better and better versions of themselves. Note, we did not just say better and better. We said better and better versions of THEMSELVES. You must seek God to help guide your child in the way GOD has planned that they should go, not the way you want them to go. Likewise, parents provide for their basic needs, even when sick or moving slowly ourselves. I asked Joe what he appreciated about me as his mom, and he answered that he liked that I make his oatmeal each morning.And, last, we should strive to provide new experiences; Joe answered that he appreciated that I let him drive the tractor. Not every child will get to drive a tractor, but new experiences in nature, watching learning youtube videos together, and more do not cost anything and draw you closer.Joe’s coach knows that some of the players will go on to play high school and college ball, and statistically less than 2% of ALL ball players everywhere will receive a scholarship for their ball playing. But, by coaching the WHOLE team, he builds them each up as a TEAM and as an individual. The young man seen and included who chooses to stop playing basketball will still know his worth and value, no matter how good or bad a player he or she was. The players who go on to play longer will be the players who include others,...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining me this morning. We are doing our devotional spot a little different this week - and the next couple as well. This morning I want to discuss how to lead your family from a biblical perspective. I will be focusing on the role of the husband and father, briefly. Because this role requires a lot of time and energy, in the theme of the Five Minute Family, realize that this should be a primer, something to get you thinking and expand on these five minutes each day to create a lifestyle of God-honoring family leadership. Thus, remember, this is not an exhaustive list. So, the question today is, how should a husband or father lead his family well?Let’s start with Ephesians 5:25-26, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.”The foundation of a family is a biblical marriage. Men, being like Christ can be an overwhelming thought, but loving like Christ is completely doable. He gave himself for the church; you can give yourself for your wife. That means thinking about her needs before your own. Not being a door mat but an encouragement. Christ cleansed the church through the word; we also can cleanse our spouse through His word. Coupling these two together allows us to bring Christ front and center in our families, encouraging grace as an everyday occurrence. Next, how to lead the children. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.”Unfortunately, exasperate is in the Bible because God knows it happens. We can become an irritation and frustration to our children if we focus on the wrong things. Are we trying to make them like us? Are we more performance-based than love-based? We have the ability to set the tone of our homes by how we put down or build up our children. That does not mean giving into every desire they may have but balancing loving discipline with heartfelt encouragement. I could have started with this next one, but I think we all need it more as a reminder then a starting place. Joshua 1:9 says, “Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”We can try to coast through family life, not taking risks, not putting ourselves out there, but God wants us to engage, to be more than we think we can be and to excel to bring Him glory. No matter where you are in the timeline of your leading your family, remember this, there will be times of fear and discouragement, but God is with us. There will be opportunities to start leading and there will be times when we return to our responsibility to lead. God is with us in both of those scenarios and strengthens those who seek His face. A saying I heard several times in life when attending leadership training classes was “praise in public, criticize in private.” The biblical equivalent can be found in Matthew 18:15-20, “First confront your brother and then if need be, bring in others.”How many times have you seen parents, spouses, family members do a lot more criticizing in public than praising? It sure seems that people air their frustrations out on others rather than work it out with their family member. Reference back to the exasperate section. Discussing problems can be frustrating if the goal is to simply embarrass or shame someone. It may motivate them to simply not do something to avoid the shame but that will not be encouraging for true life change or transformation. As the biblical passage says, confront one-on-one, and if there is no resolve, then bring in others, trusted friends and mentors that share the goal of love and encouragement.Speaking of encouragement, Romans 15:5 wraps us up by saying, “Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you to live...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Wow, while I have written that phrase many times over the past three years, I have not yet said the words to be recorded. It feels a bit strange to be chatting solo with you today, but as Jim introduced last week, we are doing a series about different family roles wherein he spoke about leading your family well. While that is most often directed to the husbands and fathers, we do know that there are single parent households out there, and mama has to step into the leading role for a season. This week, I am addressing primarily the wives and mothers who are listening, though, again, there may be some households out there where this manager role falls on dad’s shoulders. Ultimately, we want to honor God with the household roles and dynamics we discuss while we remain sensitive to the fact that not all households will fit a textbook mold.Typically, speaking, however, the wife and mama is the manager of the home. A popular home schedule program back when my oldest sons were still young referred to wives and mothers as the managers of their home. While that somewhat resonated with me, it didn’t make a full impact on me until a few years later. Jim had a new position where he worked, that put him at home during most school days. It about drove me crazy that numerous times, he would come downstairs and ask about turning on the television or watching a movie. If it happened that he entered the living room while the boys were on break from their homeschooling tasks, he would just start a movie or show them videos on his phone. One day he mentioned returning to the living room to finish a movie with the boys, I was incredulous. I asked him, “why do you always make me the bad guy?! I am tired of being the one who always says no to the shows or “fun stuff” when it is school time.” He apologized saying that he hadn’t meant to interrupt. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand that he was interrupting and sometimes hijacking the whole school day. He pointed out how different school days looked differently from his point of view, and he never knew that he was interrupting when I had acquiesced to his requests so many times before. He pointed out that he didn’t view me as the killjoy, but as the manager, and he had no idea that he was putting me in uncomfortable situations with the kids. He started asking about “fun stuff” more privately, and I started saying no more often when it was necessary to do so. Most importantly, I stopped resenting him and accepted my manager role more completely.As a manager of our homes, we need to be mindful of five things:First, we must always be observant. Consider Proverbs 31:27. In the Christian Standard Version it reads, “She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.” Other versions say that she looks well to the ways of her household. We must be watching to see what our specific household is in need of. Next, we must plan well for those needs. The second part of Proverbs 31:27 points out that we should not be idle. If we use our time wisely, then we can easily plan for the needs of our family, and do as Proverbs 31:25 states, and we can smile at the future.Third, we must be prepared to act. Proverbs 31 is full of actions that the manager of the home might engage in. Please note that Proverbs 31 is not a list of all the things a household manager MUST do, but an overview of the tasks, jobs, side hustles, (you get the idea) that a good manager can stay mindful of.Fourth, we must motivate our families. Proverbs 31:26 states, “Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.” By choosing to share God’s wisdom and kindness with my family, I motivate them to do the tough stuff, and by keeping active as point three illustrated, I set a motivational example for them as well.And, finally, as manager of our homes, we must teach our children as Proverbs 22:6 admonishes, “Train up a...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is great to be with you again this morning for our third devotion about the roles of family members. We discussed the leadership and managing roles of the parents, but what roles do the children of the family play?First, let’s discuss what a child’s role is NOT. It would be unhealthy for a child’s mental and emotional growth for them to be placed in the role of parent on a constant basis, nor is it ok for a parent to confide in a child as they would their spouse or close friend. Children are immature - physically and emotionally; they are inexperienced, rightfully so. Children need to be sheltered, fed, warmed, and loved. The most widely ratified human rights treaty in the world concerns children. Children have the right to survival - food, water, shelter; the right to development - education, religion, and rest; the right to protection - safety and identity; and the right of participation in society without abuse or isolation. We have a responsibility to meet their basic needs and rights in order for them to perform their roles properly.When we asked our almost 9-year-old what he was expected to do in our family, he answered, “to do my school and listen to my mother and father.”When we asked our 17-year-old, he answered, “to grow up, work hard, get a family, and then teach my kids to do the same thing.”Our 9-year-old is correct about his role right now. Consider Proverbs 1:8 “Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching.” And, Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Hey, parents, note, that we are to be in the LORD!And, our 17-year-old was correct, too, based on the changes he is facing in his very near future. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”No matter what stage of life our children are in, we are training children here. Children. We must let our children be children, not mini-adults. We are, of course, trying to work ourselves out of the full-time role of parenting, but before we do that, we must remember that our children are children, learning as children learn and growing as children grow.The main role of a child is to be a CHILD. And, that manifests primarily for a younger child into those roles of learner and helper. As children get older, their roles shift. With increased maturity and experience, older kiddos’ capacity in the roles of part-time decision-makers, part-time caregivers, and part-time teachers increase. Remember, we are, of course, trying to work ourselves out of the full-time role of parenting, but it will not happen overnight, and our older children will still need guidance.So, what responsibilities should we five-minute parents ensure our children have to fulfill their secondary roles of learner, helper, teacher, caregiver, and decision-maker in the family?Children should have chores, and, yes, that means even in homes where one or both parents feel guilty about something and they are tempted to make up for it by catering to the children’s lack of desire to do a chore. Children should be given care over something living - a plant, a pet, or a younger sibling, depending on your household circumstances.Children should be helpers - let them help you cook, do a project, and more. They should be working ALONGSIDE you as often as possible.Children should be active participants in family life. While chores, caring for something living, and helping out will also change with age, be extra mindful that active participation in family life for older and younger children will look very different depending on extracurricular, health, and financial needs. And, last, children should be encouraged to share their opinions - respectfully, of course. By learning as children how to separate fact from opinion and share their...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. For the past three weeks we have discussed roles in the family - leadership, management, and child roles. Leadership is often discussed in terms of servant leadership. Managers that pitch-in and help out are often praised, considered more likeable and approachable. Kids of certain ages often ask to help with any new task, and some parents are great to encourage their kids to help them. But, in all this helpfulness, are you REALLY helping? Or, are simply feeling better about yourself because you participated in some part of another person’s task? Let us explain with an example.I despise cooking. I truly do not find any joy in it whatsoever, but my husband does not even view it as a chore. He listens to our likes and dislikes and caters to our desires while giving us nutritious, delicious food. Early in our marriage, Jim and I divided kitchen duties on his days off with his doing the planning, prepping, and cooking, and my doing all the cleaning. For twenty-five and a half years, with some flexible variations, that has worked. Until recently. One of our children has to have some major dietary changes that require me to plan, prep, cook, and clean at least three meals a day from scratch just for him. Some parts of each meal can cross over to the rest of us, but for many meals over the last five weeks, I have been making up to four different mains or side dishes to meet the needs of the different family members. I kept getting more and more frustrated on the days Jim would cook. He did not clean up. One Sunday morning I had to take 20 minutes cleaning before I could prepare the food safely for our kiddo. I never needed to worry about ending the task of cooking because Kim enjoyed cleaning, and we both willingly divided that task into its parts instead. Every task has something that ends it, that closes it out … and that is usually cleaning up. Doing homework on the dining table? Clean up the pencils, papers, and books. Mowing the lawn? Clean the sidewalks, gather the leaves in the compost after cleaning the bottom of the mower and putting it away. Cooking a meal? Clear the table, wash the dishes, and clean the countertops. How many times, five-minute parents, have we called a child back to end the task they had been on before they move on to another?The thing is… I was becoming overwhelmed with the amount of cleaning that our son’s type of cooking involves. I am the one who needs a change from what has worked for us for more than 25 years. I didn’t know how to explain it; I didn’t realize why I was frustrated or angry at times. But, God is so good. A facebook reel popped up on my feed about mental load and the need for one person to “end the task” so that that task does not add to the load of another family member. Since we can have faith in God completing his tasks - Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - we must also have good faith in completing the tasks set before us. As 1 Corinthians 14:40 reminds us, we should do everything decent and in order. And, Proverbs 18:9 cautions us that “whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.” As the managing of our home, if I call, for example, an electrician, he or she will not be called again if they leave a mess at my home. If, however, they clean up after themselves, I am very likely not only to call them again myself but to also recommend them to my friends. We all need to learn to complete the tasks we take on, or we are not being helpful to our family members.So, to truly be helpful:1. Discuss division of chores and tasks.2. End the tasks you have on your responsibility’s list.3. If someone is overwhelmed, listen fully to the other person’s needs.4. If take on someone else’s task, end the task. If you don’t know what that means for

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Our church just had a missions Sunday. Kim and I were blessed to come share about God’s work here at Clear View Retreat. While we are much more comfortable chatting on the couch down at the Lodge than standing behind the podium, looking at the differences in the numerous people sitting in front us got us thinking about family identity and individual identity in the context of serving. For example, here at CVR we encourage the whole family to come out and serve together for service events or ministry events. Yet, what about the mother who is passionate about helping at the crisis pregnancy center because of her own difficult past whose children are not yet old enough to participate in serving at the center? What about the father who loves to work on cars and helps the widows and other families in need whose child is disabled and would never be able to serve alongside dad in that capacity?It may seem like a collision of family identity versus individual identity, and it could be, if a family let it. However, we suggest that the one anothering verses come strongly into play here, and that supporting one another in serving despite not being able to serve alongside one another is vastly important to the better balanced and more God-honoring family identity. All of us have heard stories about how having just one supportive person in our lives, especially as child, can make a fundamental change in the quality of that person’s life. Now, obviously, we are not speaking materialistically here, we are talking about the realization of self-esteem and importance in God’s kingdom. He could do all of everything alone, but he includes us, and when we see our worth, we are infinitely more capable of giving Him all the glory and working even harder to bring Him honor. So, that individual who has prayed and feels God’s call to a specific serving mission must be recognized and supported. Remember 1 Peter 4:10 - “Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God.” Working on being a godly, a Christ-following family with a strong God-centered family identity will take intentionality with the balance of individual identity, especially in serving. So, we suggest these five guidelines to get you started:First, confirm with your spouse or parent before committing to serve without them. Communicate clearly your personal desires and listen well when your spouse or children respond with their needs and desires. Make sure to always find common ground. Encourage one-another to serve. Mission is a foundation of the Christian identity and a biblical mandate not to be taken lightly. Then, block out time for individual serving within the larger family schedule. Ideally, having individual family members serving separately but at the same time can be the easiest to schedule. In fact, if mom and dad are going opposite directions, having grandma and grandpa or an aunt have quality time with the kiddos would be a net win for everyone. Third, intentionally, place priorities on family time with no interruptions. Sometimes, someone is going to have to give up his or her individual serving time in order to meet the family priorities. Again, communication and cooperation. And, remember that you have to be intentional in planning on the serving and family time otherwise things will be missed. Fourth, include your family members where you can. Instead of your going out with just the other volunteers for some fellowship time or ongoing team building time, if possible, include the whole family so that your family members are welcomed into that aspect of your life, getting to know other believers better and to feel included. A great goal is to encourage is biblical community. We are brothers and sisters working together and are part of the greater “capital C” church. And, fifth, make sure that you purposely...