Welcome to this conversation between Stephen & Warren - in this conversation we cover Habits.  I was surprised the direction this topic took us - it was much more about our core being and future self than I was expecting - and much less about building systems with triggers.

It's a strong model and explanation which should create much longer lasting change and habits - let us know what you think on podcast@coachpro.online.

Some notes from the episode below:

Habits are the things that we do. And if we do them consistently enough, repeat them enough that they just become how we do things. Sometimes it's a conscious habit - we are making sure that when we do something, we do it in a certain way we do it to a certain level of quality or consistency. And then there's also a lot of subconscious habits that it just seems to be the way I've always done it, or I've never thought of an alternative. Or it works so I just thought that's the way it's done. So you have conscious habits and subconscious habits.

There are some habits that don't necessarily work for you. And this is how I would define good habits and bad habits. It depends on whether the habit takes you to where you want to get to or not.

Routine is kind of a process, it's about efficiency, you get into the routine of doing something, so you get into the rhythm of something, or you get into the flow of something, you're going along with something.  But habits are an inner thing.

You create a routine; you adopt a habit.

Where habits come from are your core beliefs and values. So if that automatic response or that way of doing things aligns with your core beliefs and values you'll continue to do it, then you then form a habit.

You could be in a routine of doing things that doesn't align with your core beliefs and values, therefore will never become a habit for you. It's just something you follow - a routine.

Getting stuck in a rut, is when you're stuck in a routine that used to work for you, it no longer works for you anymore.

Self-development is about looking at how you can own your habits, rather than self-improvement is just blocking out the bad habits.

The point or the self-development is taking ownership of those habits, disciplines, routines, to say "Right, how do I get those to work for me?" - rather than how do I continue dealing with the fact that they’re no longer working for me?

As soon as you become more consciously aware of whether that routine is taking in the direction you want to go or actually excluding you from getting where you want to go, then that's when you need to look at more consciously taking ownership of seeing a need to create a new habit, or create a new routine, or create a new discipline. And without going into all the things that it could be failed to. To be honest, whether you call it habit, routine discipline, whatever you call it, that's what it is for you.

There are habits you will want to improve or let go of or replace and there are also habits you really want to hold on to and protect, and maybe treat them with a bit more precious.

Do you have the habit of writing the to-do list or are you in the habit of executing on the list?

Consciously looking at your habits and understanding why good things happen for you. By being able to understand those success habits, then it takes you away from two really important things. One, just thinking it's just Luck or secondly the Imposter syndrome, Understanding your habits is really, really important for your self-confidence for your mental health, for your sense of empowerment, sense of control, sense of ownership, so that you're not leaving that to luck, or fate, or other people's opinions.

Habits are your subconscious, automatic routines of behaviour, if you're not careful, you'll explain away every habit. But actually, sometimes it's just malware in your system. So be aware of it, and own it, because this, this demonstrates you, and you can try and put a spin on it afterwards. But sometimes this is you said, this shows who you are your actions. And if 50% of your actions are automatic, and run by your subconscious, then may not be always the best for you.

You are going to be having a bunch of operating system habits running on them get to the see them have a really good proper look at them. The conscious ones, the subconscious ones, and then what decide which ones need to be updated, which ones need to be deleted, which ones need to be protected and which new ones to be introduced.

Self-development is actually you taking ownership and habits rather than listening to other people's, you know, inverted commas, good habits, success habits, their secret habits  because you're taking ownership of your habits. Rather than pretending to be someone else who's written a book or stood on a stage or done a podcast with their secrets for success.  That's not to invalidate their own habits for success. But they're their habits for success. Self-development is about taking ownership and creating your own habits for success.

The habit is driven by thoughts, words and actions. So, what comes just before the habit, as you're thinking, your words and your actions, you're doing it because you think it's okay. And what comes before the thoughts, words and actions is that person's core beliefs and values.

Your habits will present a perception of your character. And that perception of your character determines the last part of this model, which is the future opportunities that you get.

A habit is what you do consistently, habit is that consistent behaviour.  Consistently showing a behaviour then which can show you in a particular light. And now you can understand how your core values and beliefs are impacting your future state of your future self?

The motivation comes from the future opportunity. And that's what's most important, rather than just a criticism of that habit.  It starts with the end in mind, where do you really want to be getting to? That is the motivation for change in habit. And so then you need to make sure that that's alignment between core beliefs and values, thoughts, words and actions, habit, perception of character down to future opportunities, there's a straight line all the way down, rather than any disconnects.

Having a strong enough purpose and vision of how things could be is so exciting actually feeds down towards your core beliefs and values.

Always starts with that end in mind. Protect the habits that you're really working for you but also to upgrade the habits that maybe used to work for you but don’t work for you so much now.

If you are looking to become a fantastic parent, or a fantastic manager, or a fantastic owner,  a fantastic partner then ask yourself, what would the perception of my character need to be? And what habit reinforces that?

If the opportunity is to become a non-smoker as opposed to trying to get rid of the habit smoking then the end in mind gives you the motivation to look at your core beliefs and values, but also gives you the day-to-day actions.  That future self-image, you see yourself as a nonsmoker, you don't then want to smoke. But if you see yourself as someone who's trying to give up smoking, you're still a smoker.

high performance habits. High performance is not allowing yourself some options. Yeah, it's not an option for me automatically.  People who have really good relationships are the ones who normally through by the experience, know to draw the line quicker. Let's not let this argument continue. Let's not allow it to be an option for us to fester.   Those are those are really good relationship habits because there are lines that have been drawn.

Can I develop habits that are genuine and authentic for me? Because you're unlimited in your potential.  In terms of your capability - Unlimited, as long as you want it enough.

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