One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away

Jessica Chasnoff, Psy.D.

Women and non-binary folx have been conditioned to believe that we need to stay in relationships, jobs, environments & even conversations that don't serve us. We often stay put, choosing to grin and bear it, offering others the benefit of our continued presence, rather than make the choice to end things and start living our dreaming, rather than keep living the dreaming of others. Jessica Chasnoff, Psy.D. (she/her) is a psychologist and coach with nearly two decades of experience walking alongside folx in transition. One day she finally knew she needed to leave her marriage & start her life anew, despite her fears & the protestations of others. She's been ecstatically exploring her growing edges, which includes life as a joyful renunciant of romantic partnerships, choosing instead to partner with her beloved dogs, her community of dear heart friends, various forms of making art, and the amazing flora & fauna found in the Sonoran desert. Wishing to be a companion to more folx as they prioritize their own dreaming, she hopes this podcast will be an aid & a balm to you on your journey home, to yourself. *****The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is mixed and produced by Jessica Chasnoff (she/her), a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not psychotherapy and is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Twitter: http://Twitter.com/@deepestpresenceFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com read less
Health & FitnessHealth & Fitness

Episodes

Break Away from Being Okay: 'Cuz No One's on Their Game Right Now
Jan 17 2022
Break Away from Being Okay: 'Cuz No One's on Their Game Right Now
Psst. In this episode, Jessica lets you in on a little secret:No one is f**king okay right now. Okay?  So let's just make it okay to not be okay.  For our own self-care and self-compassion, as well as how we model that for those in our lives who we love. Whether you believe it or not, we're all connected on this planet, and we're all suffering, more or less.  Even if your problems are of the first-world kind, you're still experiencing the pain, grief, and general mind-f**kery that the last two years have presented for us.  And if you're sensitive, you are really gonna be feeling allllll the feels. Yes, there is a continuum.  If you're not getting out of bed or your social/occupational functioning is taking a hit, then if you're not already seeing a counselor or psychotherapist, it's likely time to start.  But no one's mind, heart, or nervous system can escape the consequences of living the past two years in a global pandemic, and we need to give ourselves, and others when possible, as much grace as we can. Jessica also discusses how to find the "utter, utter okayness" under the "not okayness", and how a shared embodiment practice with other living beings, LIKE TREES, can help us reconnect with the basic goodness of our beings, and ground in times of groundlessness.   *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.   She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality.Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence.com
Break Away from New Year's Resolutions (Or Ever Being Resolute)
Jan 2 2022
Break Away from New Year's Resolutions (Or Ever Being Resolute)
After taking a break from the pod for the last month of 2021, Jessica is back with the first episode of 2022, just in time to attempt to spare us all the external/internal expectations around making resolutions for the new year.What if we broke away from that practice entirely, or at least, what it's meant before now.Could we resolve to do less? Could we rest more? To be still and listen for what our bodies want to do next? Can we ask ourselves that question and then have the patience to wait for the answer. And then to listen to that answer, by following the guidance it offers us? We're constantly changing. You've heard it before, and it's probably corny by now, but it is true: change is the only constant. So how can we possibly expect ourselves to feel the same way tomorrow as we do today when everything inside us out in the outside world is constantly in flux? Jessica gets curious about this and the necessity of quiet practices during the darkest season, so we may metabolize what we have digested and for gestating what is to come. And for the sustainability of our inner and outer world. Jessica also shares that her foray into podcasting, book writing, and social media has been a humbling experience and the dangers of pushing ourselves to be resolute when it is human to waver. She reminds us (and herself) that we need not shame ourselves for changing our pace or minds. *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.   She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality.Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence
Breaking Away from Pushing the River
Nov 28 2021
Breaking Away from Pushing the River
This is the last episode of 2021 before some time away to clarify the next steps for the podcast and book writing. While all of these projects have been exciting, Jessica is coming clean about how when we push the river, we run the risk of that excitement starting to feel like too much, too fast, and too soon.  When we want things to turn out a certain way (and who doesn't?!), we can find ourselves pushing for a particular outcome instead of letting ourselves float down the river's current and letting things unfold naturally. Being available for that natural unfolding informs our bodies of what feels good and what doesn't.  But if we're pushing too hard to get it the way we want it,  we inadvertently muddy the waters and be rendered unable to get clarity on the way forward.Jessica also talks about the need for readiness as we embark on new journeys and the need to titrate the amount, the speed, and the intensity of our experiences to get the most success (in our own eyes) from our endeavors.  *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.  She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality.Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence
Break Away from the Holiday BS
Nov 21 2021
Break Away from the Holiday BS
The fall and winter holidays are upon us, which can be a mixed bag for many of us.  There might be much holly, jolly, and there might be a great deal of stress. Perhaps both. In this episode, Jessica reminds us that whether we're traveling to see family or popping over to a friend's house for holiday festivities, our true home is in our bodies, and we can rely on them to tell us whether something feels like welcome or warning, safety or danger, yum or yuck.We just have to take the time and space to listen.  If you're feeling pure delight about the upcoming holiday season, that is marvelous, and this episode might not resonate.  But if 'tis the season for feeling a whole host of feels that aren't so festive, you might find the offerings here will resource you when you're having a hard time. *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.  She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality.Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence.com
Break Away from Should-ing On Yourself: Hit Pause on that To-Do List
Nov 7 2021
Break Away from Should-ing On Yourself: Hit Pause on that To-Do List
We're all so fatigued by living in this world in the current state of affairs. Yet, we still have our to-do lists, waiting and constantly beckoning, despite having little energy to complete the tasks. A couple of episodes back, Jessica talked about getting that sh*t done.  Today, we're looking at the possibility and the practice of not getting that sh*t done.  We're human beings, not human doings. But, we live in a society that's all about productivity. Goddess forbid we sit down for a moment to feel our emotions and bodily sensations because we might decide not to buy something or to take our vacation days. But, we're so used to running around that we have a hard time stepping back, letting ourselves off the hook for not ticking task boxes, and instead, carving out time and space to sit and be, rather than do.This episode is twofold.  First, Jessica offers some tips for stepping away from "should"-ing on ourselves, looking instead at our to-do lists through the lens of "could,"  and remembering that we have a choice, in many situations, about what we do with our time.  The second part of the episode is a guided practice that you can come back to again and again as a way to carve out a little bit of space for yourself to be.  With that regular practice, we can refuel ourselves for the necessary doings. *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.  She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality.Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence.com
Break Away from Idiot Compassion: Let Your Fierce Flag Fly
Oct 24 2021
Break Away from Idiot Compassion: Let Your Fierce Flag Fly
The word compassion means to "suffer with" another, but that is often not what we're doing when we think we're offering compassion to someone who is behaving badly. In this culture of enabling and codependency,  in our attempts to be loving, we instead indulge people in that suffering (and create our own), instead of offering them motivation for change that could ease it.Women and folx have been taught to "be nice", to not "rock the boat", to avoid conflict at all costs. We've come by that honestly in this patriarchal society, where cishet white men get to stir all the pots they want without the risk of being labeled as aggressive or b*tchy.  Yes, compassion is "suffering with" when there is no solution for the suffering.  We can sit together and lovingly hold a container for what cannot be solved. For what needs time, patience, and an opportunity to be healed without intervention. But when harm is being done, and solutions abound, it is idiot compassion that keeps us in a pattern of enabling someone to misbehave, rather than letting them know that they can't keep doing what they're doing on our watch. True compassion is fierce. True compassion is Kali the Hindu Goddess, with her many arms. One holds her warrior sword, another the head of a man. She destroys what is harmful and cuts away the nonsense. In order to make the jump from idiot compassion to that which is true, we must first prepare our own sacred ground with tender and fierce self-compassion. Only then will we have the strength to cut through the BS with the sword of courage and wisdom. In this episode, Jessica shares a personal story about an attempt to bring true compassion to a community that was allowing a sexual predator to target young women, and a story of a client who offered her man true compassion when he wouldn't cease his harmful behavior.  Also, Jessica experiences a moment of semantic satiation and forgets whether the word regality exists or if she was being "grammagical."  Yes, indeed, regality is a real word. As promised, here are the books on self-compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. mentioned in this episode:Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive (2021) Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself  (2012)*******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.  She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality.Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence.com
Break Away from Perfect: Just Get that Sh*t Done
Oct 17 2021
Break Away from Perfect: Just Get that Sh*t Done
Earlier in the week, Jessica saw a post of Sheryl Sandberg's quote: "Done is better than perfect," and it got her thinking about how we risk getting stuck and even shutting down if we keep picking at a thing endlessly in search of the mystical PERFECT. Perfect doesn't exist, y'all. Just get the thing done. With the extra space that you have created by not tweaking and re-tweaking and tweaking some more., you can unpack and compost your internalization of how society and family have made you question your value and worth.  And that is work worth spending some time on.In this episode, Jessica shares a personal situation from this week where she found the application of Sandberg's quote to be tremendously helpful, in addition to the story of a client who was finally able to finish her dissertation and get her Ph.D. when she quit searching for perfect.  *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.In episodes where Jessica discusses cases, they are composites of her clients from over the past 20 years.  She has changed names, situations, and circumstances to protect client confidentiality. Connect with Jessica:Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.comEmail: jessica@deepestpresence.com
Breaking Away From Overly High Expectations of Yourself (& Others)
Oct 10 2021
Breaking Away From Overly High Expectations of Yourself (& Others)
Our families and our patriarchal society have taught us to have extremely high expectations of ourselves and others. And yet, both can lead to deep disappointment.What if the expectations we set for ourselves are so high that we must eventually fall from the pedestal we set ourselves upon?Could it be that we're actually moving along the current of life, doing just fine, and it's not that we're doing a poor job, but the lens we see ourselves through is the problem? Is it possible that when we get bent out of shape about how others don't do unto us as we would do unto them. . .  it's because the standards we hold ourselves to are too high?And crucially, if we let ourselves off the hook, might we be able to do the same for others more easily? In this episode, Jessica looks at these questions and the possible answers, along with a couple of important practices. One for empowerment around lowering expectations of yourself and another for increasing self-compassion as you work this growing edge.P.S. A big thanks to Ecuador for putting me in position 26 for mental health podcasts. Es muy especial para mí, especialmente  porque el podcast no está en español.  Tal vez algún día haga algunos episodios en español. ¡Muchas gracias! *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Break Away From The Binary: From Women To Folx
Sep 27 2021
Break Away From The Binary: From Women To Folx
Before I begin describing this episode, I apologize for the dip in sound quality today. Something is wrong with either my microphone or my computer (computer wiz can't come to sort it out till Tuesday). I decided it was better to choose to record an episode with less than optimal sound quality than skip a week.  Hopefully, you'll agree!  Now to the good stuff:Because so much of my work experience has been with people who identify as women, that's become my specialty. So it's who I had in mind when I started this podcast two months ago.But then I realized that I was unintentionally excluding people who might benefit from the podcast but would find "A Podcast For Women" to be less than welcoming. It wasn't sitting right in my belly, and every week, I felt worse about it. I've said it before, and I'll repeat it.I want there to be a place for everyone. I mean, even cishet white dudes are welcome to listen to the pod.  Frankly, maybe it's a move away from toxic masculinity, and I support that. Though it's profoundly sad, women who call themselves feminists can be exclusionary of other marginalized communities. It doesn't make sense because women know what it's like to be marginalized, and yet. . . those who have been victimized can also become oppressors. None of that here, none of that.  Again, the great  Maya Angelou's words ring true:"When you know better, you do better."I sat with it. I researched it and I consulted with a lovely human by the name of E, who identifies as non-binary. Now I know better.  So, I'm doing better.Welcome to "One Day You Finally Knew: A Podcast for Folx Breaking Away."May it be of benefit.  P.S.   You'll get this after you listen, but it's spelled: bor·bo·ryg·mus/ˌbôrbəˈriɡməs/nounTECHNICALa rumbling or gurgling noise made by the movement of fluid and gas in the intestines.Also, Ibram X. Kendi is an anti-racist educator who wrote How To Be An Antiracist, which I highly recommend. Roxy Manning is a nonviolent communication practitioner and teacher, and I highly recommend her courses on working with racial microaggressions. *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Folx Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Rest & Digest: Break Away From the Grind
Sep 19 2021
Rest & Digest: Break Away From the Grind
During the annual week away in the mountains with the doggos,  on retreat Jessica reflects on the need for rest, not just for proper digestion of physical food, but to digest new emotional, psychological, and energetic material. In this episode, she talks about the need for rest and how it is essential now more than ever.  When we step away from the grind (even for brief periods), we can more fully digest the new information coming at us all the time. Oh,  you think your nervous system isn't dealing with new material right now?  If you have a manual on living in the COVID times, let Jessica know because she would like that information!Jessica also talks about sleep, particularly sleep hygiene, which, when engaged with, can help you fall asleep and stay there. She offers some mindfulness tips for those times when you wake up at the witching hour with your brain all twirly.  She also reminds us that a particular rest is available to white folx that is not available to folx of color. Jessica is aware that she won't be pulled over for "driving while Black" or experience racial profiling when walking in particular neighborhoods.  She discusses her awareness of this white privilege and how new learning (and unlearning the old) can be clunky but is part of anti-racist education and we can be both open to the learning and gentle with ourselves. Finally, she talks about rest as resistance and rest as warriorship and encourages us to make sure that our talking about rest is genuine and not performative.  P.S. Jessica refers to  "the beddy,"  when discussing sleep hygiene and if it wasn't obvious before, it'll be crystal clear now that hers is a dog's life (and yes, they sleep in her beddy). *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Self-Care Isn't Selfishness
Sep 13 2021
Self-Care Isn't Selfishness
Thanks to the patriarchy, folx of all genders have been indoctrinated into the belief that women were put on this planet to nurture others. Moreover, when women choose to care for themselves, they're seen as selfish. Is it any wonder we're just a teensy bit resentful about being assigned that role?!In this episode, Jessica breaks it all down and shares her willingness to put her self-care above everyone else's, even the peeps she loves the most. Because caring for others is how she makes a living, but caring for herself (and her dogs) is how she makes a life.  She offers a couple of powerful quotes on resentment, both suggesting that resentment is akin to eating poison and hoping the other person dies. Nope. Doesn't work that way. You're the one who's gonna take it in the shorts, sis. Newsflash: Those in your world will take whatever you give them. And yes, the world needs help, but if you're going to make the work sustainable for you, you must fill your cup first. The paradox is this. You can't truly offer yourself to others from a cup that is empty. The fuller your vessel, the more you have to give.  (You also can't keep giving folx a straw while you're trying to fill your cup.) If you want to be able to give joyfully and without resentment, you must have a self-care plan in place, and be able to engage in it unapologetically.  Jessica offers tips on how to do this and shares some very personal limitations she's liberated herself from feeling bad about. P.S. If you're a bit squeamish about puke, hearses, or the gubernatorial recall in California, maybe don't listen while you're lunching. *******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve. While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you. Connect with Jessica:  Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
If A Friendship Isn't Nourishing It's Time To Let It Go
Sep 6 2021
If A Friendship Isn't Nourishing It's Time To Let It Go
Research has shown the importance of cultivating  "sister of the heart" relationships and how they can improve our physical, emotional, and psychological health. But what happens when we realize a friendship is no longer nourishing us? In these COVID times, our social circles have naturally narrowed. We've let go of friends, and they've let go of us.  We're realizing that we don't have the time or the energy for what isn't nurturing and life-giving.  This episode can help you determine if perhaps it's time to let go of a friendship, and offers a sweet reminder that you don't need to feel guilty about breaking away, because ultimately if that friend isn't for you, you're not for them either.Jessica shares her thoughts on how to let go when you're not getting your needs met, soothing yourself after someone lets you go, taking yourself off the hook for ghosting a friend when it's exactly what's needed, and a Rumi inspired aspiration for not making anyone the bad guy.   ******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff,  a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve.  While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Breaking Away From Negative Self-Talk: You Do It Bird By Bird
Aug 30 2021
Breaking Away From Negative Self-Talk: You Do It Bird By Bird
Negative thoughts about yourself come out of nowhere. You mind your own business, and before you know it, BAM! A giant, intrusive shitty thought about yourself has arrived. As soon as these thoughts show up, they shove themselves all up in your business, then run rampant through your brain like the proverbial bull in a china shop. These thoughts can be Stage 5 Clingers, and it's important to remember that they're never going to go away completely.  To be fair. . . Breaking Away(ish) From Negative Self-Talk should be the title of this episode.  (Wink) In this episode, Jessica shares some steps to help you keep these bullies at bay. You can work more easily with these bugbears through awareness, labeling the thoughts, gentle reminders not to believe every thought you think, acknowledgment, and setting boundaries with your own beautiful brain. Jessica also spontaneously breaks out in song, which is a thing that happens from time to time, reminding you to be gentle (always!) with yourself in this process, and inviting you to "pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again" whenever you find yourself caught in a torrent of untruthful talk!  ******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff,  a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve.  While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Twitter: http://Twitter.com/@deepestpresenceFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Break Away From Looking Away: The Sweet Spot Between Taking Too Much In & Checking Out
Aug 23 2021
Break Away From Looking Away: The Sweet Spot Between Taking Too Much In & Checking Out
When something terrible in the world happens that isn't directly happening to us, we have a choice. We can look away, deciding it's too much pain to take in and feel. Or, we can keep looking, deciding to let the pain of the world pierce our hearts and let it be a call to action.If you're someone for whom taking in the pain makes it too much for you to get through your days with at least some moments of peace, you must find the middle way. The middle way means avoiding the extremes in life. Life is always going to be full of polarities. Contrast and complement are crucial to living. No light without dark. No joy without pain. We must practice the middle way if we're going to make it through this world; our horrible, gorgeous, profane, sacred, fucked up, perfect world. We can't look away. But we can't let the looking destroy us. In this episode, Jessica talks about ways that we can strike this balance, including choosing wisely how you get your information and how to get curious about what other food you're giving your head. She includes resources to help and reminds you that even the smallest donation still makes a difference toward alleviating suffering. She shares some things you can do to feel less helpless, hopeless, and immobilized.   And also includes her belief that taking breaks can be a part of essential boundary setting; that it can refresh you and helps you to get back into the world with more generosity.  Links for helping Afghan refugees: No One Left Behind: https://www.nooneleft.org Chartering flights and helping with Special Immigration Visas (SIVs) International Refugee Assistance Project: http://www.refugeerights.orgProviding legal resources for Afghan refugees  Together Rising: https://www.togetherrising.orgPresently giving donations to Women For Afghan Women (WAW)  @womenforafghanwomen on IG, who are working around the clock in Kabul to provide emergency services and continue crucial programs for Afghan women, children, and families. ******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff,  a recovering perfectionist who is always on a learning curve.  While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Twitter: http://Twitter.com/@deepestpresenceFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Breaking Away From Not Being Yourself: The Little Girl Inside You Is Welcome At My Lunch Table
Aug 16 2021
Breaking Away From Not Being Yourself: The Little Girl Inside You Is Welcome At My Lunch Table
So many of us have a little girl that lives inside our hearts. A little girl who could not show the world who she was when we were young because she was misunderstood, told she was too sensitive, and potentially ostracized from peer groups and family.  Maybe she was banished from the lunch table. So, that little girl got small to meet the needs and desires of others who didn't have the capacity to meet her needs.  It takes self-compassion to cradle that little girl inside. And it takes courage to finally break away from not being yourself, as a grown woman.In this episode, Jessica tells the story of the little girl who lives in her heart; the little girl she's learned how to love by letting go of the messaging she received through much of her life that she was too much. Also, some thoughts on how fucking up is a necessary part of self-growth, and will most definitely be a part of the anti-racist work that white women are being called to do right now.  It helps if we can do this work together, as amazing women keeping each other honest.  Jessica is committed to showing you her flaws as she grows, with the hopes that you won't be afraid to do the same.And if you are afraid, that's okay. Jessica is too.  But let's do it anyway. Together. P.S. The red pills Jessica mentions taking are a reference to The Matrix.  Not actual red pills.   ******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is produced and edited by Jessica Chasnoff,  a recovering perfectionist who is always in a learning curve.  While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not psychotherapy, and is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Twitter: http://Twitter.com/@deepestpresenceFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Cultivating Patience For Your Process
Aug 8 2021
Cultivating Patience For Your Process
Deciding to leave something (or someone) is a creative process. It doesn't happen overnight.  We must sit and steep in the possibilities, spend the necessary time contemplating the actions, and only then can we make our move. The breaking away is the outcome, but it can't happen without the process. This is a gestational process. Nothing gets born without being gestated first, whether it's an actual living being, or an idea wanting to get birthed into the world. This process, however, will be interrupted if we leave out a deeply important piece, which is to understand that before we actually make the decision to move, we have to sit and dream into what it is that we're wanting. We then must feel the uncomfortable feelings that come along with that. We need to allow ourselves to really go deeply into that place; the place where what wants to die gets eaten, gets metabolized, gets transformed. Only then do we arrive at a place where we can make a decision and go forward. We must include before we can transcend, sweet ones. In today's episode, we invite ourselves to sit and simmer in all the feelings that are coming up for us, whatever it is we're working with, getting curious about this as a PROCESS. This inner work has its own timeline, and we must be patient while it is creating the space, the bandwidth for you to be able to dive into what your deepest presence wants next.  Jessica also does her best Veruca Salt impression, which sadly sounds a bit more like Mrs. Doubtfire, and she pays homage to Dr. "Bones" McCoy.   ******The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is mixed and produced by Jessica Chasnoff,  a recovering perfectionist who is always in a learning curve.  While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not psychotherapy, and is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/Twitter: http://Twitter.com/@deepestpresenceFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com
Consent Is Not A Constant: Giving Yourself Permission To Change Your Mind
Aug 3 2021
Consent Is Not A Constant: Giving Yourself Permission To Change Your Mind
As women, we've been indoctrinated into believing the misogynist demand that once we've consented to something, we don't have the right to change our minds. But, consent is not a constant. If we listen closely to what our body is telling us, moment to moment, about situations and relationships we're currently in, we often realize our bodies are no longer giving consent for us to be in them.This week, Jessica talks about giving ourselves permission to say no after we initially gave a yes.  And how to sit with a maybe. There's no shame in the realization you don't want to be doing something any longer. Needing to set it down, for your own health, your own heart, doesn't mean you're fickle. It means you're listening to your ever-evolving needs, at the organismic level,  instead of at the personality mind level--which, for women, has meant being inculcated to not disappoint others.  Hey, changing your mind to meet your needs is world work. (Shout out to the magnificent Simone Biles!)  How can we be a species that evolves if we don't allow ourselves to change when change is required of us? In this episode, you'll learn how to get curious about what your body is needing NOW, and how to gently work with the information it's giving you.  What sensations do you notice when you're consenting to something?  What sensations do you notice when you're not?Jessica also muses aloud on what her heartburn would sound like, if it had a voice. *****The One Day You Finally Knew: For Women Breaking Away podcast is mixed and produced by Jessica Chasnoff, a recovering perfectionist who is always in a learning curve.  While she is a psychologist, this podcast is not psychotherapy, and is not a substitute for mental health services. If you're struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional near you.Connect with Jessica: Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/your_deepest_presence/ Twitter: http://Twitter.com/@deepestpresence Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070192401240Website: https://www.DeepestPresence.com