We all have shit going on in our lives that scares us, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as fear. And that means we all have to make brave choices sometimes, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as bravery. But facing our shit – whether it’s the big, heavy stuff, or the seemingly inconsequential stuff we keep putting off – requires courage. It requires bravery. So this episode is your pep talk for taking action. It’s a reminder that you’re not alone in not wanting to face the thing, and also that you can absolutely face the thing. You can do it! Whatever it is.Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com

Swearing is caring, y’all! And in this extra sweary episode, mindset coach and recovering perfectionist Ally Rounsley takes us on a deep dive into how to build resilience by stepping into a f*ck around and find out (FAAFO) mentality. Though, not in the getting-into-fights sense that this phrasing sometimes implies. (And also not in a sexy-time connotation, but you do you!) We’re tackling this in the “stop taking everything so seriously and just TRY and see what happens” kind of way.In addition to sharing how she’s applied this to her own life and coaching journey, Ally offers a structured FAAFO framework for each of us to follow that can help us break free of limiting patterns in our thinking and behavior.Here are some of the other points we hit on this jaunty adventure into fields of rainbow sheep:Doing brave shit in service of our authenticity.How coaching will ruin your life (in a good way!)Trying new things in ways that feel fun and exciting instead of terrifying and exhausting.Redefining rest based on what we actually need at the time.Meditation! And how it’s totally normal to struggle with it.Distinguishing between judgment and discernment (and being nice to yourself!)Slowing down and digging a little deeper to uncover the why behind what we think we want.Read the transcript and access additional resources at SettlingIsBullshit.comConnect with AllyFollow Ally on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ally-rounsley-createyourfullest/Follow Ally on Instagram: @Allythegyst https://www.instagram.com/allythegyst?igsh=MTVwOXp0dWNhYnpyaw==The GYST. Book a session with Ally. Buy some of her shit. Sign up for the newsletter! It’s punchy and delightful and comes out every Wednesday: https://thegyst.life/

Yesterday marked my 14th anniversary of getting sober – which is a big deal! And also tends to stir up a lot of weird emotions: ambiguous grief, an intense combination of gratitude and longing, lots of hope and heaviness at the same time… So this episode is very much about my recovery specifically, but also about pausing to reflect on how far we’ve come – any of us, around anything we’ve been working toward or events that have changed us.The invitations I offer here are to reflect on where you were a year ago and all the things that have changed, and also for you to think about one of the things you want for yourself, the change that you want to make for your higher good, and to then reach out and get some support. Because if I’ve learned anything in the last 14 years, it’s that we can’t do this shit alone.Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/07/03/honoring-anniversaries-of-sobriety-and-other-milestones/Resources, References, and Links:The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. One of the most famous books about trauma. Also, written more for mental health professionals than us lay people, but it’s a pretty big deal in the field. https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-scoreMy coaching business: https://www.wanderlightcoaching.com/Original post “What My Recovery Means to Me” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/07/02/what-my-recovery-means-to-me/My post on perfectionism, “Doing Things Imperfectly in Public” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/16/doing-things-imperfectly-in-public/My post on personal archives, “Viewing Our Past with Generosity” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/The episode on comparison, “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy” – https://rss.com/podcasts/settlingisbullshit/1432154/

In this lovely, vulnerable conversation with filmmaker Jacob Combs, we explore the ways that personal identity evolves over time, and how a vast range of experiences accumulate to form the rich tapestry of the person each of us gets to become. We unpack our experiences with creative evolution, our mutual journeys of queer identity, and what it means to belong to both ourselves and to our chosen communities.Jacob's newest film – The Orange at the Seder - explores themes of queerness, chosen family, tradition, and belonging, and it will premiere next month at the LA Shorts International Film Festival. Which is super rad! As is the film itself, and so is this episode.Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.comFollow Jacob on Instagram – @jacobdcombs https://www.instagram.com/jacobdcombs/Follow the film on Instagram – @orange_seder_film https://www.instagram.com/orange_seder_film/See The Orange at the Seder in LA! Premiering at the LA Shorts International Film Festival Saturday, 7/20 at 10:30pm (yes, it's late, but so worth it!). https://www.lashortsfest.com/Resources, References, and Links:Multihyphenate. Apparently this is a movie industry term for someone with experience and expertise in many different roles. It was a new-to-me term, and I love it. Let’s all embrace our multihyphenate-ness in all arenas! “Why Being a Multihyphenate Will Boost Your Hiring Potential” –https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/multi-hyphenate-70457/Multi-passionate. Whether this term has a positive or negative connotation apparently depends on which corner of the internet you ask. “Being Multi-Passionate: A Jack-Of-All-Trades and Master of None Or Is it?” – https://womensbusinessleague.com/being-multi-passionate/The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. Which has, as it turns out, been turned into a movie (if you don’t have the bandwidth for reading the book).Passover. The weeklong Jewish holiday commemorating the Jewish people’s departure from ancient Egypt. The name stems from the way that God “passed over” the houses of Jewish people during the 10th plague. https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/passoverSeder. A ritual meal held during the Jewish Passover holiday in which the story of the Exodus is retold. This is the event at the center of Jacob’s film. “The Passover (Pesach) Seder” – https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-passover-pesach-seder/Jerusalem Open House for Pride and Tolerance. The venue for the Seder that Jacob attended in Israel that planted the seed of the film’s story. https://www.joh.org.il/en/homepage/

Sharing vulnerability is the foundation of meaningful relationships and wholehearted living. It’s also really fucking hard – by definition. To be vulnerable means to share our tenderness and open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. But it’s super worth it, and it’s the only way to cultivate the kind of connection that most of us crave.This episode serves as a reminder that vulnerability is worth it, and also offers support around the almost-always-inevitable vulnerability hangover. Having the language of vulnerability hangover and the capacity to recognize when one is happening opens up the doors to self-compassion and self-care.The more we’re able to take good care of ourselves around our vulnerability hangovers, the more resilient and empowered we become. And the more we share our vulnerability in safe (enough) and supportive spaces, the more courageous and connected we feel.So! As a heads up, I’m practicing what I preach in this one by sharing something that meets my quality standards for content but the audio quality isn’t ideal. As always, you can read the transcript on SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/06/20/podcast-sharing-our-tenderness-and-navigating-vulnerability-hangovers/Resources, References, and Links:Brene Brown – Power of Vulnerability Ted Talk. If you haven’t seen it, please give yourself the gift of this 20 minute video. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=enVulnerability hangover. Here is a useful article that includes coping strategy suggestions: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/vulnerability-hangover/Trauma dumping. What it is, how to recognize it, and hopefully, therefore, how to avoid doing it! https://www.talkspace.com/blog/trauma-dumping/Jim Henson documentary. Jim Henson Idea Man – so good! Also, much as I appreciate and respect the guy, he was definitely a workaholic. Appreciate that the film does address the toll it took on his family. Just wish they’d talked more about Fraggle Rock! https://ondisneyplus.disney.com/movie/jim-henson-idea-manThe Dark Crystal – very strange, cult classic film that came out in 1982 and was a radical departure from The Muppet Movie.The Labyrinth – also a very strange and (in my book) marvelous movie featuring the late, great David Bowie as the villain.Brene Brown's Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. The title here pretty much says it all. Highly recommend, as with all of her work.

Figuring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot of trial and error, of figuring out what we don’t want in order to get one step closer to learning what we do.In this magical conversation with one of my very favorite humans, we talk about Jayme’s journey of gender identity, the long process of getting to know ourselves, and the joy and freedom that come from embracing all of our various parts in all of their messy and glorious fullness.Jayme’s website: https://www.jaymeroderickcoaching.com/Follow Jayme on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachjayme?igsh=cWs3bmw4bXAxN3VqConnect with Jayme on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayme-roderick-847151178/For additional links and resources, and to read the transcript, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/06/13/podcast-emotional-archeology-and-the-joy-of-queer-authenticity-with-coach-jayme-roderick/

Most of us have parts of ourselves that leave us feeling like a weirdo. We have hobbies or interests that we keep quiet about because we're worried about what other people will think. This episode is a pep talk for letting go of all that gunk and letting our metaphorical freak flags fly – even if they're just those little mini flags and we only wave them in our living rooms. We gotta start somewhere!Today's invitation is to take a peek at the parts of ourselves that we tend to try and hide away, and to invite them out for a conversation instead. Often, the parts of ourselves that can feel like a burden are actually important elements in what we bring to the world. And sharing our experience, strength, and hope can serve to inspire others.Read the transcript on SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/06/06/podcast-be-the-weirdo-who-dares-to-enjoy/

Holding out for the right person takes a lot of courage, resilience, and self-awareness. It also takes hope! And coach Lisa Lewis-Cogswell’s long and winding love story is a hefty dose of inspiration for anyone trudging the long road of searching for genuine partnership.We talk about what it feels like to surrender, to listen to your knowing, to open your heart, to cultivate hope, and to manifest the shit out of finding your person – even if it takes a couple of decades. Plus, the healing that happens when you do finally meet your match and have a safe place to dig deep.Visit Lisa’s website: https://heartspacerising.com/Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heartspacerising/

Understanding the mechanisms of habits, as well as the differences between rituals and routines, gives us the power to make positive changes in our lives. And inviting love into the process of change can make it feel a whole lot lighter.To read along, visit the website: SettlingIsBullshit.com

While it's easy to intellectually know that we need rest in order to get on with the business of adulting, it isn't always that easy to know what kind of rest we actually need. Pausing to recharge is hard enough on its own, but unless we get clear on what kind of energy we're trying to fill up on, we're probably just going to stay stuck in the same spin cycle of exhaustion. This episode is your reminder and invitation to check in with yourself and get clear on which of your batteries is actually running low – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social... ice-cream-ial... and from there, check in with what you actually need in order to recharge. Running on empty is how we burn out on ourselves and our relationships. So let's all take a deep breath and figure out what we need to properly fill up the tanks.

Let’s talk about sex, baby! Or, talk about how reading and writing about sex is a guilt-free, shame-free political act. That’s right, in this conversation with the fabulous debut romance novelist Alyssa Jarrett we go on a wild ride about feminism, authenticity, identity, privilege, pursuing our creativity in the face of nay-sayers, and… werewolf erotica. (She doesn’t write werewolf erotica, but we both celebrate those who do!)Fuck “guilty pleasures.” This episode is a battle cry for liking what we like, not yucking anyone’s yum, and going all in on our dreams. It’s an absolute treat, and you’ll leave with some great resources for finding exactly the level of spiciness you want in your fiction as well as (I hope) encouragement for centering the things that bring you joy.Read Alyssa’s thoughts on the romance genre on Substack: https://alyssajarrett.substack.com/Follow Alyssa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authoralyssajarrett/Order her book – Love Apptually – (in print or digital) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVGRM76ZOr visit her website: https://www.alyssajarrett.com/

A lot of times, the first step in personal growth – in expanding into a bigger, better version of ourselves – is giving ourselves permission. There is safety in the familiar, and for many of us, stepping outside the bounds of that comfort requires a sense of permission, a sense that we're allowed to do the thing that we want to do (or that scares us but we know will ultimately be for our good). Even if you aren't a recovering people pleaser or perfectionist, everyone operates by a set of self-imposed rules that can be hard to break or bend or discard. But giving yourself permission to step outside those lines can be a huge step toward freedom and expansion.This episode is your pep talk for pulling those rules out into the light and deciding for yourself whether they actually serve you. (Spoiler alert: a lot of them might not be!)

The happy shiny aspects of self-love might get the most time in the spotlight, but the messy parts are just as in need of our attention. In this delightful conversation with personal coach Dawn Church, we talk about how experiencing the full range of self-love involves welcoming and attending to all parts of ourselves, even the ones we'd prefer to ignore. Dawn even manages to convince me that meltdowns are a form of self-love and self-care, much as we might hate them while they’re happening.Resources, References, and Links:Dawn’s website: Tempered – https://www.tempered.life/Follow Dawn on Instagram: @Tempered.life – https://www.instagram.com/tempered.life/Miley Cyrus’ “Flowers.” Cyrus performed this smash hit at the 2024 Grammy awards, and I definitely have had the song on repeat lately: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7KNmW9a75YTaking yourself on a date. My post about taking self-love seriously: “Take Yourself on a F*cking Date” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/04/02/take-yourself-on-a-fcking-date/Edwardian Farm. This BBC miniseries follows two archeologists and a domestic historian as they spend a year on a farm in Britain, recreating the working and living conditions of Edwardian farmers. It’s charming! https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00w15jcLisa Frank. Iconic school supply designer of the 1980s whose work features cute animals and vivid colors. Definitely responsible for aspects of my current identity and aesthetic. https://lisafrank.com/Parts Work. We talk a lot in this episode about the “parts of us” that have different needs. There are a number of therapeutic approaches that use parts work as a tool for healing. “What Is Parts Work” – https://www.choosingtherapy.com/parts-work/Pie metaphors. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone down this road, lol. And I can’t resist sharing my favorite extended pie metaphor from the blog. “WTF Does It Mean to ‘Get Over’ Someone?” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/02/11/wtf-does-it-mean-to-get-over-someone/Trauma. The most accessible book I’ve read about trauma (and one I would recommend to anyone) is “What Happened to You?” by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry – https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250223210/whathappenedtoyouRed Pandas. Seriously the best. “Adorable Red Panda Facts You Didn't Know” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24UIq3_pNHM

For a lot of us, trying new things (aka learning) can be deeply, wrenchingly uncomfortable. It can also be super duper awesome, especially on the other side. There is joy to be found in our expansion, in our stepping out or into the world of possibility and weathering the discomfort that comes from growth. This is your pep talk and invitation to try something new – even if it's just telling yourself how fucking awesome you are.

In this conversation with Dr. Sarah Roth, an ER physician and fulfillment coach, we chat about the neuroscience of change and the way that physically moving our bodies can facilitate shifts in mood and mindset. Because our connective tissue has more neurons and neuroreceptors than any other organ in the body, any physical movement we make can have a substantial impact on our mental outlook – which we can leverage when trying to implement changes in our lives. Sarah and I also talk about the importance of self-awareness and choice, the need for self-compassion and self-care, and the ways that intentionality can lead to more joyful living.Resources, References, and Links:Metaphor and stuckness. My post where I discuss feeling into the stuckness: “Action Fuels Motivation (Seriously)” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/02/21/action-fuels-motivation-seriously/Proprioception. An article offering more details about proprioception: “Proprioception: Making Sense of Body Position” – https://www.sports-health.com/sports-injuries/general-injuries/proprioception-making-sense-body-positionPower posing. Amy Cuddy’s famous TED talk about the impact of power posing (*note, her findings have not been replicated, so there is much debate about this. On a personal level, I’ve found it really impactful): “Your body language may shape who you are | Amy Cuddy | TED” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMcWarrior poses. Article about the pose and examples: https://www.yogabasics.com/connect/warrior-poses/Couches. Highly recommend the Kova Collection from Albany Park: https://www.albanypark.com/collections/kovaWeighted blankets. “Weighted Blanket Benefits” – https://www.sleepfoundation.org/best-weighted-blankets/weighted-blanket-benefitsFraggle Rock. As of publication, you can watch the original Fraggle Rock (1983) on Apple TV. https://tv.apple.com/us/show/fraggle-rock/umc.cmc.2m5fntzbjem6fhniurq8a17omDecision fatigue. It’s real! And definitely something to pay attention to. “Decision Fatigue: What It Is and How to Avoid It” – https://onlinemba.wsu.edu/mba/resources/decision-fatigueChoosing perspective. My post about looking back at things with generosity: “Viewing Our Past with Generosity” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/Sarah’s Website: Head to Heart Fulfillment – http://headtoheartfulfillment.com/

Comparison robs us of our capacity to feel joyful, it stifles creativity, it drags us down and fuels our inner critics – if we let it. The reality is we have a lot more choice and agency around comparison than we often think, and my encouragement here is to find the comparisons that spark inspiration rather than defeat. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/References: The Psychology of Money

The inaugural episode of the podcast! It's unscripted! It's imperfect! It's an act of courage and creativity, and a raw pep talk for you and for me to just get started on the things we want for ourselves. We have to start somewhere, even if it means holding onto our Squishmallows and just hitting record.

When we stumble across relics of our past, we're presented with an opportunity: we can use it as fodder for the inner critic, or we can, instead, choose to contemplate who we once were through the lens of curiosity and kindness.To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/

Maybe getting shit done has less to do with motivation and more to do with action. In other words: We can’t wait for the motivation to appear. We have to act our way into feeling motivated.To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/02/21/action-fuels-motivation-seriously/

Dating isn’t supposed to be terrible. It’s not supposed to be a chore. It’s not supposed to be something we dread or make ourselves do. It shouldn’t suck the fucking life out of us. Dating is supposed to be fun. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/