DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It's a defense mechanism used by individuals, often in response to being confronted with their wrongdoing. This strategy involves denying the accusations, attacking the accuser, and reversing the roles, portraying the offender as the victim.A 2017 study that when victims are DARVOed, it is more likely they’ll blame themselves, which in turn, “leads to self-silencing.”Here are examples of each stage:Deny:Example: A congregant is accused of spreading false rumors about another member. Instead of acknowledging the behavior, they adamantly deny any involvement, insisting they would never engage in such actions.Attack:Example: When confronted about financial mismanagement, a person responds by attacking the accuser's credibility or character. They might say, "You're always looking for faults in others, and you have no idea how hard it is to manage finances!"Reverse Victim and Offender:Example: A congregant is confronted about consistently being late for volunteer commitments. Instead of taking responsibility, they reverse the roles, stating, "I'm always there for everyone, and now you're making me the bad guy for being a few minutes late? I'm the victim here."Recognizing these patterns can help navigate conversations with empathy and understanding, fostering a more constructive dialogue for resolution and personal growth.Proverbs 15:1 (NLT): "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Self-awareness includes identifying our personality, those aspects that may not be the norm, and working on them. What is important is to learn, grow and develop areas. The way we are perceived is a great place to begin. It is difficult to hear a consistent perception of ourselves, when we cannot see our blind spots. This leads us to recognize how our behaviors affect others, giving us motivation for change. Understanding other’s emotions and how our words impact them, is a part of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness helps us manage our behaviors with others. The way leaders manage and recognize their quirks, & weaknesses contributes to their overall effectiveness This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Start by grounding your guidance in the unchanging truths of Scripture. Emphasize passages like 1 Peter 1:15-16, where believers are called to be holy as God is holy. Provide a biblical basis for the significance of holy living and debunk the notion that one can live without regard to God's standards.1 Peter 1:15-16 in the New Living Translation (NLT) reads:"But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, 'You must be holy because I am holy.'" This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Galatians 5:19-21 from the New Living Translation highlights the consequences of following one's sinful nature. It points out various behaviors and attitudes that are contrary to living a life reflective of the Kingdom of God. This passage emphasizes the need for a shift in culture, advocating for a life guided by virtues and alignment with the values of the Kingdom of God.19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.In the heart of every thriving congregation lies a culture of love, understanding, and harmony. Drawing inspiration from Biblical teachings on love, we embark on a journey to explore practical steps that can shift the dynamics within a congregation, fostering an atmosphere of unity and compassion. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

While the term "narcissist" may not be explicitly mentioned in the Bible, certain verses in the New Living Translation address behaviors associated with narcissism. Proverbs 27:2 encourages humility, stating, "Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth—a stranger, not your own lips." Philippians 2:3 advises, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." Additionally, Proverbs 16:18 warns against pride, saying, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

In the realm of psychology, the study of narcissism has long intrigued researchers seeking to unravel the intricacies of this complex personality trait. Stathis Grapsas, Eddie Brummelman, Mitja D. Back, and Jaap J. A. Denissen delve into the depths of narcissism, proposing a self-regulation model that sheds light on the underlying processes driving individuals with high levels of grandiose narcissism to pursue social status.The Self-Regulation Model:The proposed model paints a comprehensive picture of how narcissists navigate their interactions with the world, focusing on the pursuit of social status in a dynamic, moment-to-moment manner. At its core, the model suggests that narcissists actively choose situations that offer opportunities for status elevation. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

In a world where words carry immense power, the ancient wisdom found in the Book of Proverbs serves as a timeless guide for navigating the intricacies of communication and community. As leaders, pastors have a unique responsibility to cultivate a healthy and supportive environment, steering clear of the pitfalls of gossip.Here's a practical guide to incorporating Proverbs into daily leadership to foster a gossip-free community.Proactive leadership within pastoral roles involves a deliberate effort to address gossip by integrating a daily Proverb into their routine. By doing so, pastors can set the tone for the congregation, emphasizing the transformative power of ancient wisdom in shaping conversations and decisions. Leading by example becomes paramount, illustrating to the community how the insights gleaned from Proverbs can be practically applied to foster positive communication. Proactively engaging with these timeless principles enables pastors to not only preach about the avoidance of gossip but also to embody the teachings, creating a foundation for a community guided by the principles of respect, integrity, and thoughtful dialogue. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

The essence of Nehemiah 8:10, declaring, "Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength," underscores the foundational truth that divine joy is a source of unwavering strength. It emphasizes a joy rooted in the unchanging nature of God, transcending the ebb and flow of life's circumstances. This joy depends solely on Jesus and serves as an anchor for pastors navigating the challenges of their calling.In the realm of faith and service, it becomes evident that mental health is integral to overall well-being. Just as pastors are diligent in caring for the physical bodies entrusted to them, there lies a parallel responsibility in nurturing their minds. Happiness, viewed through the prism of science and personal journey, emerges as a key element in this mental health equation.Learn more about Proactive Mental Health Today! This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Bringing Light to a World in Need of JesusIn a world hungering for hope and purpose, we turn to the timeless words of Scripture:"Jesus told him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me'" (John 14:6, NLT).In this era of uncertainty and searching, the message remains clear – Jesus is the beacon of light and the path to eternal life.Purpose of This Guided ApproachAs believers, we understand the profound impact of sharing the Gospel, yet the manner in which we convey this message holds great significance. This guide is not just a tutorial; it's a blueprint for Christians to engage in Bible studies and discussions, allowing them to be trained and fortified. The aim is to equip believers with the tools to share the gospel without combativeness but through genuine connection and understanding, building bridges that resonate with the essence of Jesus' teachings.“Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” Carl JungIn a world often marked by loneliness and a yearning for connection, the ability to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ becomes a powerful tool for fostering understanding and bridging diverse perspectives. This tutorial explores the art of sharing the Gospel through authentic listening, emphasizing the importance of making others feel heard, understood, and respected. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Gratitude is a timeless virtue that holds a significant place in the Christian faith, aligning both with scientific findings and biblical teachings. According to research.com's exploration of the scientific benefits of gratitude, expressing thanks has been linked to improved mental well-being, enhanced relationships, and overall life satisfaction.There are many benefits when we practice gratitude, as noted in Research.com article, 35 Scientific Benefits of Gratitude: Mental Health Research Findings, by Imed Bouchrika Co-Founder and Chief Data Scientist. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Optimism can be learned. Utilizing the Ellis ABC Model, we can learn how to respond differently to adversity by talking ourselves through defeat.Adversityo   The event that happenso   Example: “I have a flat tire.”Beliefo   How the adversity is interpretedo   Example: My response is, “I always have bad luck, why does this happen to me?”Consequenceso   Feelingso   Actionso   Example: “You feel hopeless, angry, grouchy, yelling at your spouse in the car.”The ABC method is how we redirect the pessimistic attitudes we all have. How can we be proactive daily to build muscles of optimism, so it is more natural for us to respond positively in thought & action to diverse events? This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Unhappiness is an inevitable facet of life, but it doesn't have to diminish your faith in God's goodness. By understanding the nature of unhappiness, recognizing the role of faith in difficult times, and implementing practical tips, you can keep your faith strong even when life's challenges seem insurmountable. In the grand tapestry of life, unhappiness may be a thread, but faith in God's goodness is the sturdy fabric that holds it all together. Embrace your faith, and let it guide you through the storms, knowing that God's plan is ultimately one of love and purpose.The study conducted by Sheena Sethi and Martin E.P. Seligman, Optimism and Fundamentalism, sheds light on the fascinating relationship between optimism and fundamentalism among various religious groups. The findings reveal a compelling connection, with fundamentalist individuals displaying significantly higher levels of optimism compared to their moderate and liberal counterparts. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Unhappiness is a universal human experience, and it can manifest in various forms – from mild discontent to profound sorrow. It often arises due to unmet expectations, personal struggles, losses, or simply the inherent complexities of life. To keep your faith strong in times of unhappiness, it's crucial to understand this emotion and how it impacts your spiritual journey. The nature of unhappiness is a natural part of life and the potential for growth. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Staying true to the pure word of God is a timeless challenge faced by believers. The Bible offers guidance on avoiding compromise and remaining steadfast in faith. We explore key biblical principles, citing examples such as refraining from walking through the fire and avoiding the worship of false gods like Baal. Additionally, it provides insights on how pastors can help their congregations discern and resist compromise. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Utilizing Happiness as a Witnessing ToolHappiness and laughter are universal, and they can serve as a bridge of common ground between people of different faiths or beliefs. As Christians, we can use our happiness as a witnessing tool to share the love and joy of God with others. Here are a few ways to do so:* Share your story: Share how your relationship with God has brought you happiness and joy in your life. Your personal story can be a powerful witness to others.* Live a joyful life: Let your happiness and joy shine through in your daily life. People are often drawn to those who radiate positivity and joy.* Serve others: One of the best ways to share God's love is by serving others. Find ways to volunteer in your community, help those in need, and show compassion to those around you. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

As a Christian, you may have heard the phrase "happiness is fleeting" or "joy is not the same as happiness." While these statements may hold some truth, they fail to recognize the importance of happiness in our lives. In fact, as Christians, we have a unique perspective on happiness that is often overlooked. Happiness is not just a temporary feeling of pleasure or contentment. It is a state of being that is rooted in our relationship with God. As the psalmist says, "In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore" (Psalm 16:11). This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

METAMORPHOSIS is the key word for 2024The transformation from a caterpillar to a butterfly involves the caterpillar digesting itself within a cocoon or chrysalis. Enzymes dissolve its tissues, leaving a protein-rich soup. Imaginal discs, organized groups of cells formed during the caterpillar's early development, survive this process. These discs fuel rapid cell division to shape adult features such as wings, antennae, and eyes. Despite the seemingly chaotic process, certain caterpillar muscles and parts of the nervous system are preserved in the adult butterfly. Observing this metamorphosis is challenging, but images of a Tussah silkmoth reveal the delicate, translucent pupal stage that typically remains hidden.The struggle of a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis is essential for strengthening its wings. The chemical released during this process and the fluid pumped into the wings contribute to their development. Interfering with this natural struggle can result in weak wings and hinder overall butterfly development due to the crucial timing of the emergence.Their slow release helps them build the necessary muscles to do all things butterfly related. Plus the timing of their emergence from the chrysalis is key; too early and they’re doomed because they won’t have developed enough. So if a well-meaning human interferes and tries to ‘help’ the butterfly with its struggle, it likely will doom the butterfly to weak wings and lack of development.ROMANS 818 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.19 For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.20 For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope,21 Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.22 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.23 And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.24 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.Podcast also on the following platforms: APPLECASTROTUNE INPOCKETCAST This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

There is a key to God’s outpouring of His Love. This is the contextual meaning of Luke 6:38. Revival depends on repentance!Luke 6New Living Translation6 One Sabbath day as Jesus was walking through some grainfields, his disciples broke off heads of grain, rubbed off the husks in their hands, and ate the grain. 2 But some Pharisees said, “Why are you breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath?”3 Jesus replied, “Haven’t you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God and broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests can eat. He also gave some to his companions.” 5 And Jesus added, “The Son of Man[a] is Lord, even over the Sabbath.”6 On another Sabbath day, a man with a deformed right hand was in the synagogue while Jesus was teaching. 7 The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees watched Jesus closely. If he healed the man’s hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath.8 But Jesus knew their thoughts. He said to the man with the deformed hand, “Come and stand in front of everyone.” So the man came forward. 9 Then Jesus said to his critics, “I have a question for you. Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?”10 He looked around at them one by one and then said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored! 11 At this, the enemies of Jesus were wild with rage and began to discuss what to do with him.12 One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night. 13 At daybreak he called together all of his disciples and chose twelve of them to be apostles. Here are their names:14 Simon (whom he named Peter),Andrew (Peter’s brother),James,John,Philip,Bartholomew,15 Matthew,Thomas,James (son of Alphaeus),Simon (who was called the zealot),16 Judas (son of James),Judas Iscariot (who later betrayed him).Crowds Follow Jesus17 When they came down from the mountain, the disciples stood with Jesus on a large, level area, surrounded by many of his followers and by the crowds. There were people from all over Judea and from Jerusalem and from as far north as the seacoasts of Tyre and Sidon. 18 They had come to hear him and to be healed of their diseases; and those troubled by evil[b] spirits were healed. 19 Everyone tried to touch him, because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone.20 Then Jesus turned to his disciples and said,“God blesses you who are poor,for the Kingdom of God is yours.21 God blesses you who are hungry now,for you will be satisfied.God blesses you who weep now,for in due time you will laugh.22 What blessings await you when people hate you and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil because you follow the Son of Man. 23 When that happens, be happy! Yes, leap for joy! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, their ancestors treated the ancient prophets that same way.Sorrows Foretold24 “What sorrow awaits you who are rich,for you have your only happiness now.25 What sorrow awaits you who are fat and prosperous now,for a time of awful hunger awaits you.What sorrow awaits you who laugh now,for your laughing will turn to mourning and sorrow.26 What sorrow awaits you who are praised by the crowds,for their ancestors also praised false prophets.Love for Enemies27 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.32 “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! 33 And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! 34 And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.35 “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.Do Not Judge Others37 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.[c]”39 Then Jesus gave the following illustration: “Can one blind person lead another? Won’t they both fall into a ditch? 40 Students[d] are not greater than their teacher. But the student who is fully trained will become like the teacher.41 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye[e] when you have a log in your own? 42 How can you think of saying, ‘Friend,[f] let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.The Tree and Its Fruit43 “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. 44 A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. 45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.Building on a Solid Foundation46 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? 47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house right on the ground, without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.” This is a public episode. 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The historical context of 1 Corinthians gives chapter 13 deep meaning. We chat about this and read chapter 13.Faith works by love!1 Corinthians 13King James Version13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe

Follow along as I read Genesis 1-10 in the King James Version. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alexia.substack.com/subscribe