Oz 9

Gated Galaxies

It's Spring 2142 (a Tuesday), and Gated Galaxies has launched its 400 Oz-8000 ships, each carrying 50,000 "resting guests" to, hopefully, a new home on a shiny, brand-new planet. Except this whole "terraform and take over" idea isn't actually the plan; the real plan is far more nefarious and involves a great deal of cackling. But those aboard the ships don't know that, so off they toodle (those that make it out of Earth's atmosphere, at least), all shiny and optimistic. This is the story of one of those ships – the Oz 9 – and its tiny crew of hopeless incompetents. So far, they've been in space half an hour and several hundred people are dead. So... bright future, clearly. read less
FictionFiction

Season 5

episode eighty-one: Hangover remedies and really good sunscreen
12-04-2023
episode eighty-one: Hangover remedies and really good sunscreen
Yes, I KNOW we said January, but hey, it's January somewhere, right? The Oz 9 crew are finally (?) done with their plant-based emergency and have broken free of the Milky Way Galaxy. They're currently lurking in a galaxy that (if you're looking at it sideways and are 8 years old) has a vaguely rude shape. That should keep them entertained for a while. Anyway, they might actually get off the 9 and explore a strange new world here soon, so now's probably a good time to say goodbye. Before they, you know, poke an alien. Please stay through the end credits to hear a very cool trailer for a very good show. And we haven't gotten any reviews for, like, AGES, sooooo, if you wanted to, you could, like, leave us one or something. No biggie. You've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Chrissi Talyn Saje as Julie Eric Perry as Joe Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae Kevin Hall as Greg Kyle Jones as Narrator 2, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. Our theme and other music is composed and performed by John Faley. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott (who also did our COMIC BOOK and our cool pin set!! https://oz9podcast.etsy.com). Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor. Oliver Morris is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry but if you say so in public, she'll deny it.  Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network. Please support our partners here: https://fableandfolly.com/partners/. And be sure to check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at https://fableandfolly.com/. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode eighty-three: In short, she is baked
11-06-2023
episode eighty-three: In short, she is baked
I went back and read the opening paragraph that was here originally, and even I don't understand it, so I must have been really tired or possibly in a hostage situation when I wrote it. Anyway, it's gone, and though this means the subtitle now makes zero sense, it's still an improvement. In this episode, Olivia's I-drops (iDrops?) have gotten mixed up with some other substances, and, well, if you thought added chaos might cancel out existing chaos....nope. It just piles on. You've been listening to: Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer and Joe Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Kevin Hall as Greg Tim Sherburn as Colin Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Aaron Clark as Le Bichon Frise Kyle Jones as Narrator 2 and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. Our music is by John Faley. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Shannon Perry sound designed this episode (and asks that you just go with it). Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network. Please support our partners here: https://fableandfolly.com/partners/. And be sure to check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at https://fableandfolly.com/. You can find all episode transcripts with their episodes on our website, https://oz-9.com. You might want to consider a tetanus shot before you go, though. Until next time, space monkeys. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode eighty-five: Dirty, greasy oligarchs
02-08-2023
episode eighty-five: Dirty, greasy oligarchs
Exploring the Oz 9 isn't like exploring brave new worlds in the manner of highly questionable colonialists of eras past. Except for the alligators. And the swampy bits. Also not knowing what's safe to eat (hint: not bloody much). And the near-fatal encounters on a daily basis.  OK, so it's actually quite a bit like exploring brave new worlds, except for the bravery. Just... listen to the episode. Try to stay out of the quagmires, and if you do get quagged, at least wipe your feet before you go wandering around the ship.  You've been listening to Eric Perry as Joe Bonnie Brantley as Lady Nibble Biscuit and Jessie Tim Sherburn as Colin Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Special thanks to J Michael DeAngelis from Mission: Rejected for taking on the role of The Cowboy. Kyle Jones is Narrator 2, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. Special special thanks to Thomas Golding for the Ragtime music in our Old Time Western bar! Our theme and other music is composed and performed by John Faley. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott (who also did our COMIC BOOK and our cool pin set!! https://oz9podcast.etsy.com). Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor. Chrisi Talyn Saje is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry.  Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network. Please support our partners here: https://fableandfolly.com/partners/. And be sure to check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at https://fableandfolly.com/. Be sure to join us next time as the mystery of the ketchup pen is finally solved! Maybe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode eighty-six: Spike the gargling cow
01-10-2023
episode eighty-six: Spike the gargling cow
Continuing in our endeavor to educate the public, much of the cowboy vernacular here is authentic. Well, some of it. "Brown gargle," for example, is totally legit. Should it come up on Jeopardy at some point, we expect compensation. The crew continue to explore the Oz 9, sometimes voluntarily. We know these stupid sandwich machines are trying to tell us something, but knowing that and actually understanding what that "something" is are two different things, and let's face it, this bunch have only just managed speech. You've been listening to Tim Sherburn as Colin Bonnie Brantley as Jessie David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae Kevin Hall as Greg Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield J Michael DeAngelis as Clyde the cowboy Introducing Pete Barry as ... never mind — WAS the bartender Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator Our theme and other music is composed and performed by John Faley. Thomas Golding composed and performed the additional ragtime music for this episode. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott (who also did our COMIC BOOK and our cool pin set!! https://oz9podcast.etsy.com). Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Chrisi Talyn Saje is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Find this and all our episode transcripts on our website, https://oz-9.com. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network! Please support our partners here: https://fableandfolly.com/partners/. And be sure to check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at https://fableandfolly.com/. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode eighty-seven: Why does the mustard matter?
05-11-2023
episode eighty-seven: Why does the mustard matter?
Remember those days, hanging out at the mall, thinking Spencer's Gifts was the height of counter-culture because they had festive roach clips? Yeah, me neither. I spent all my time at Waldenbooks. Anyway, get ready for a trip backwards in time to the mall. I can almost smell the Orange Julius and Cinnabon (which reminded me that I made coffee that was currently cooling in the other room, dammit. I'm back now) and hear the yelps as another pre-teen gets their ears pierced at Claire's. There's a very confused security guard -slash-sommelier, some moaning, and somebody ends up with an earring in their forehead. (Now taking bets on who THAT turns out to be.) Because you haven't got the sense nature gave a goat, you're listening to: Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle Eric Perry as Joe Aaron Clark as Le Bichon Frise Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Lee Shackleford as Pluto introducing the Narrator's kiddo, Michaela Nadolny Gourley as Emma, the Counter Girl and John Dowgin of Mission: Rejected as Cyril the Security Guy. Kyle Jones is Narrator Two, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator Our music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Chrisi Talyn Saje is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network! Please support our partners here: https://fableandfolly.com/partners/. And be sure to check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at https://fableandfolly.com/. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode eighty-eight: A hairball in your haggis
19-11-2023
episode eighty-eight: A hairball in your haggis
We turned five years old yesterday. The podcast, I mean — Oz 9 just turned 5. How we've lasted that long, we have no idea, but we suspect it has something to do with the fact that everyone is slightly fried from the pandemic and not giving real life 100% of their attention just now. And that's cool. Real life can be a bit of a turd on a hot plate now and again, so suspending reality right alongside disbelief seems like a healthy decision. All of which to say, thanks for hanging out with us. Gravity — both the being-serious kind and the falling-down kind — is not something we handle well. You clearly don't either, and we're happy you chose to unfurl your freak flag across the nose of the 9. High five, space monkey. We wouldn't be here without you. And the healer pod. You've been listening to: Kevin Hall as Greg David S Dear as Doctor Theo Bromae Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Dr von Haber Zetzer Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Kyle Jones is Narrator Two and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator Our music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Chrisi Talyn Saje is our sound engineer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please support our partners here: https://fableandfolly.com/partners/. And be sure to check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at https://fableandfolly.com/. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode eighty-nine: Adorable and very merchandisable
17-12-2023
episode eighty-nine: Adorable and very merchandisable
It's nearly Christmas as I type this, and I'm bah humbugging like your least favorite neighbor, but throwing out an episode of Oz 9 always makes me happy. I like making the world just a little bit goofier and more confusing. We have some additions to our ship today, and they are stupid cute in the manner of those "got my kid a puppy" videos that are all over the socials, only these might make you cry for entirely different reasons. But we'll see, I guess; they don't have many teeth yet. Anything else I should mention? Oh yeah: happy hols, Space Monkeys. You're the biggest bunch of goofballs this galaxy has ever seen (and I'm talking about the galaxy with DNA's Hooloovoos in it, so you know it's seen some things), but we love you. You've been listening to... Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Tim Sherburn as Colin Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Eric Perry as Joe Kevin Hall as Greg Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Shannon Perry as Olivia. Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator Our theme and other music is composed and performed by John Faley. "Into the Swamp" was composed and performed by Thomas Golding. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Chrisi Talyn Saje is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network! Please support our partners at fableandfolly.com/partners, and check out the other great Fable & Folly shows at fableandfolly.com. Until next time, Space Monkeys, watch the stars and try to understand the mustard. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode ninety-two: A Midsummer Night's ... whatever the hell this is
04-02-2024
episode ninety-two: A Midsummer Night's ... whatever the hell this is
As Narrator 2 says in this episode, "English majors must perforce English maj," so here's the episode you've all been dreading: the Fakespeare. Come on, stop whining, you knew it was coming. If you're not familiar with A Midsummer Night's Dream, well, there are lots of really excellent versions out there. We prefer you NOT listen to those, however, as that's going to make this seem even more torturous than being read Vogon poetry before being shot out into space. That said, it was fun to write and fun to do, so ... get over it. Also, the second half should show up on Feb. 14, a day some folks seem to think is special. Thou hast been listening to... David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Kevin Hall as Greg Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer Shannon Perry as Olivia Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Tim Sherburn as Colin Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle Bonnie Brantley as Duckweed, Wooly Sedge, Horsetail, and Cattail. Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2, And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. Our music was writ by John Faley, and our artwork from the fevered brow of Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding our dialogue did edit, and Shannon Perry our sound design'ed. Lamentably, our story of Oz 9, much like the alien of old, did explode from the head of Shannon Perry and wreaketh much havoc upon a space ship. Check out more nonsense at https://oz-9.com. Know you now that Oz 9 doth hang about with many a rascally and ill-reputed tale amidst the Fable and Folly Network; go thee hence to fableandfolly.com and there beguile your idle hours with true delights. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode ninety-three: A Midsummer Morning After
14-02-2024
episode ninety-three: A Midsummer Morning After
It's part 2 of this, and then I swear, we're finished and you can go back to just suspecting how pretentious we are rather than having the receipts. We know Feb 14 can be a bit rough for some, so we wanted to give you the subtle sounds of barfing fairies to help you get through the day. Just know, we love your goofy, kooky self ALL days of the year. You've been listening to: David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Kevin Hall as Greg Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer Shannon Perry as Olivia Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Tim Sherburn as Colin Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle Bonnie Brantley as Duckweed, Wooly Sedge, Horsetail, and Cattail. Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2, And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. Our music was composed and performed by John Faley, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. The glorious madrigal music you hear at the beginning was created by John Faley and performed by John Faley, Tanya Faley, and Emily Faley. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Shannon Perry is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Who will deny it if asked. The trailer is for a show we love and that is written, produced, and stars our own Julie: Chrisi Talyn Saje. You'll find Madison On The Air wherever you listen to podcasts. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Be sure to check out our awesome podcast siblings at fableandfolly.com. We'll see you next time, Space Monkeys. Keep your eyes on the stars, and if you see Cupid, seriously, tell him to adjust his sash. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode ninety-five: Spill or be spilled
14-03-2024
episode ninety-five: Spill or be spilled
Well, cue the sultry saxophone and the wire-brushed cymbals, we're back for part II of our "noir" wormhole. We had high hopes for this one (as in, high hopes everyone would get shot and this nightmare would finally be at an end), but we're only down a tour guide, and even he just seems to have wandered off. Goldipants Detective Agency is hot on the heels of Red (aka Colin Smith aka Horace MacRory), the millionaire gangster whose morals are as slippery as his accent. Will Pluto and Donna track down the bad guy before we lose any more scientists? Will Mrs S and Donna survive their brush with the Big Bad? Also, what the hell's a nereid? You've been listening to: Lee Shackleford as Pluto Bonnie Brantley as Donna Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Tim Sherburn as Colin David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Eric Perry as Joe Kevin Hall as Greg With special guest Bob Killion as the Admiral Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator Many thanks to one of our all-time favorite podcasts, Mission: Rejected, for loaning us the character of the Admiral. If you haven't already, be sure to add Mission: Rejected to your list on your podcatcher of choice. Oz 9's theme music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor. Shannon Perry is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Be sure to check out all the great shows at fableandfolly.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
episode ninety-six: Why is there a bar on the bridge?
08-04-2024
episode ninety-six: Why is there a bar on the bridge?
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Have you ever met a Kestochalian? Actually, you might have. They're sort of lovely, except when you want to thump them on the snoot. Which, to be fair, is true of a lot of living things. Also my computer. Which, if it had a snoot, would have been thoroughly thumped on today. ANYWAY, we made something for you, and if you've ever made a huge Sunday meal, this is kind of like that. We slaved all day, it'll be over in 20 minutes, and then we start over. Do I sound crabby? I feel kind of crabby. You've been listening to: Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Kevin Hall as Greg Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Lee Shackleford as Pluto David S. Dear as Dr Theo Bromae Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer, Howard, and Joe Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Sarah Rae Werner as Pipistrelle Kyle Jones as Narrator Two And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator Thanks to Stan Sitzman for the "doffing of gas mask" noise, and Chris Nadolny Gourley for the cocktail umbrella sound! John Faley is our music director, and our awesome artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Shannon Perry is our sound designer. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network! Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors. Freesound sounds used in this episode: Cutting Lemon Or Orange by IENBA -- https://freesound.org/s/703058/ -- License: Creative Commons 0 thud pint glass beer down on table wood knock door Vows.flac by kyles -- https://freesound.org/s/454222/ -- License: Creative Commons 0 Charcoal Foley.wav by UlyssesAtSea -- https://freesound.org/s/648136/ -- License: Creative Commons 0 freezing machine turn on.ogg by kyrika84 -- https://freesound.org/s/347428/ -- License: Creative Commons 0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices