For The Love With Jen Hatmaker Podcast

It’s here! Our next series, “For the Love of the Middle” kicks off this week. Many of us are at that middle stage of life, and if we aren’t, we’re going to get there eventually. This series brings life, hope and humor to a period of life which can at times be surprising, confusing, but ultimately, steeped in the wisdom of years lived and the harder work of our 20’s and 30’s behind us. We’re ringing in the start of this series with an amazing first guest; Mary Pipher, a clinical psychologist, anthropologist, and author. In her full scope of work, Mary has pioneered important conversations around motherhood and raising girls.  Mary was the first to bring the effects of culture on mental health to the mainstream, especially for women and girls. She has a deep understanding of how culture can shape our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Her most recent work has focused on aging intentionally, peppered with her own experience and her work has inspired many people to rethink the way we approach mental health and aging within our society. Join Mary and Jen as they discuss:  - Pipher's background in psychology and how she became engaged in the cultural conversations about girlhood. - The importance of cultivating personal resilience and adaptability in aging. - How society impacts the mental health of girls and women at different stages of life. - The cultural scripts that influence girls' body image and sexuality, and how they differ from reality. - The role of caregivers and the challenges they face in taking care of aging family members. Mary Pipher's work is groundbreaking in exploring the connections between culture, mental health, and their impacts on aging. Her insights are instrumental in shaping the way we approach mental health issues and caregiving, and her activism and writing continue to help women all over the world. Thank you to our sponsors! Boll & Branch | These are the softest sheets ever. Get 15% off your best night's sleep at www.BollandBranch.com  using promo code ForTheLove.  Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise |  Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise   MeCourse | Let’s join sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook and Jen as they talk about real steps you can take to improve your sex life. Head to MeCourse.org/love101 to register.   Thought-Provoking Quotes! “One of the things I really love about my life as a 75 year old is I'm very busy, but I can wake up every morning and decide what I want to be busy at. And what a gift that is.” - Mary Pipher “Every life stage has its joys and its challenges as you know. We know that there's a lot of research that women get happier as they age. They're the happiest demographic in the world.” - Mary Pipher “if you don't become better, you become bitter. Right? You either grow or you shrink.  You don't get to stay the same without growing. We all age, but we don't all grow. And the secret of being happy is growing.” -Mary Pipher “I very much believe we all find what we're looking for. And if what we're looking for is joy and love and kindness and beauty and laughter, that's what we find.” -Mary Pipher “So one of the goals of this life state is learning to detach and let go--acceptance of the fact that my world will not be as popular as before. And that means that the light I find is not in other people's eyes, it's gotta be in my own heart.” -Mary Pipher   Guest’s Links! Mary Pipher's Website - www.marypipher.com Mary Pipher's Facebook - @authormarypiper Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Mary Pipher's Books: Hunger Pains, the American Woman's Tragic Quest for Thinness, Reviving Ophelia, Women Rowing North, Seeking Peace, The Shelter of Each Other Simone De Beauvoir: The Second Sex Jane Jarvis - American Jazz Pianist   Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s InstagramJen’s Twitter Jen’s FacebookJen’s YouTube

Every person is sexy just because they’re alive, according to this week’s guest in our For the Love of Sex Series; Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Jen & Dr. Solomon talk about how we can discover how to engage with our sexuality free from judgment or expectation.  Dr. Alexandra Solomon is the author of bestselling books, “Loving Bravely” and “Taking Sexy Back” which both seek to empower women to reclaim their sexual journeys. As a highly acclaimed psychologist at Northwestern University, Dr. Solomon regularly presents her findings to people all over the world.  Join Dr. Solomon and Jen as they discuss: Talking about sex with your partner  How to stop settling for less in the bedroom  Objectively reflecting on your sexual journey without judgment The real impact of trauma on our sexual selves How desire shifts over the course of a relationship  Dr. Solomon explains the basic premise that undergirds her work; that every person has the right and ability to experience pleasure and joy and connection through sex. * * * Thank you to our sponsors! BetterHelp | Try convenient and affordable therapy with BetterHelp anytime, anywhere. Give BetterHelp a try and get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/ForTheLove   FOCL | Leave those 3am thoughts behind! Sleep better with FOCL CBD gummies and use Promo Code ForTheLove for 20% off at www.focl.com.  MeCourse | Let’s join sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook and Jen as they talk about real steps you can take to improve your sex life. Head to MeCourse.org/love101 to register.  Thought-Provoking Quotes “What stands out first and foremost about women and sex is that we are so completely objectified from the time we're little. That's the nature of patriarchy, is to objectify women. And we learn to objectify ourselves. I don't know how it is for you, but I know I have forever related to my body as a forever fixer-upper project.”- Dr. Alexandra Solomon “There's an idea that sexiness is defined from the outside in. So in my book, "Taking Sexy Back," that's what we're taking back. We're taking back this idea that sexiness is externally defined. That actually, our “sexy” lives right here inside of us, and it always has. Your sexuality is a part of yourself. It's a part of who you are. It's your embodied relationship with touch and physical expression and pleasure and creativity and play.”  - Dr. Alexandra Solomon “There's going to be dry spells. There's going to be mismatched libidos. There's going to be menopause. There's going to be childbirth and job changes and medical diagnoses. Things are going to happen. So I want couples to be together, shoulder to shoulder, looking at the problem together. It's not my problem or your problem. It's us looking at our sexual connection. How do we as a couple cultivate this, nurture it, tweak it over time? Making love as 50-year-olds is going to look and feel different than making love as 23-year-olds.”  - Dr. Alexandra Solomon “Recovery from trauma is not just about sexual pain or sadness or post-traumatic stress symptoms stopping. Recovery from trauma is also about reclaiming pleasure, reclaiming your right to pleasure, reclaiming a sense of feeling safe inside of your body. I think our capacity for healing is limitless.”  - Dr. Alexandra Solomon “We think that if we're sex positive, it means that we're these super confident vixens and divas, and that we have to be up for anything. But we all struggle with this idea of, "Wait, can I be sex positive and a bit timid? Can I be sex positive and what we would call, quote-unquote, 'vanilla,' or not super interested in being kinky or pushing edges? Sex positivity basically means coming in with the idea that sex is natural and normal, and we're all sexual, and what we're interested in is not weird or pathological. It's coming in from a foundation of positivity.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon “Sex problems in a relationship are always the responsibility of both people. It's not about figuring out whose fault the issue is. When I bring up a problem or a concern with my partner, it's about “us”. It's about, "I love us, I believe in us, I value us, which is why I want to talk about this question, observation or concern I have." It's not about throwing our partner under the bus or telling them they're doing it wrong. It's about starting from that place of, "I love us, and this matters.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon “It’s important to examine patterns in your own relationship with your sexuality and identify how things from your childhood impact your sexual relationship to yourself and others even 20 years later. Even seemingly simple things like your 6th grade sex-ed class can have an impact.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon Guest’s Links Dr. Solomon’s Website  Dr. Solomon’s Instagram - @dr.alexandra.solomon Dr. Solomon’s Twitter - @ahsolomon Dr. Solomon’s Facebook - @dralexandrasolomon Dr. Solomon’s YouTube - @alexandrahs1   Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Reimagining Love Podcast Dr. Solomon’s books: Loving Bravely & Taking Sexy Back E-Course: Marriage 101 for the Grown and Sexy   Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s InstagramJen’s Twitter Jen’s FacebookJen’s YouTube

As part of Jen’s dedication to bringing her community sex education and sexual liberation, we’re opening up a book club episode to everyone. Today Jen’s talking to the original badass sex educator — Emily Nagoski.  Emily created a sea change in the wider culture of how we talk about women’s sexuality and make space for the variety of experiences for women and sex. Since then, she’s become a celebrated speaker and the go-to expert on women’s sexuality. She recently updated “Come as You Are” as the sex science evolved and we’re excited to talk about it. In this Jen Hatmaker Book Club episode, Jen and Emily discuss: Sex not being a biological drive Connecting to your own body as a birthright Your sexuality being yours and pleasure is the measure of it The weight on women to perform pleasure The power of mindfulness and connecting to your body How to maintain a successful long term sexual relationship with a partner * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise | Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise Jen Hatmaker Book Club | Use code READ for $5 off your first month at jenhatmakerbookclub.com  Me Course — Sex | Sign up for the presale price at 40% off at mecourse.org   Thought-Provoking Quotes “Pleasure is the measure. It is not how often you have sex or how much you crave sex. It is not what you do. It is not who you do it with, or in what room, or in what position. It is whether or not you like the sex you are having.” - Emily Nagoski “If a feeling happens in you and you're like, "I don't know where this is coming from," that's totally fine. Insight is not required. But in the same way that we complete the stress response cycle, feelings are tunnels, you have to go through the darkness to get to the light at the end.” - Emily Nagoski “We are in a bad moment around trans rights, around gay rights, around reproductive rights. A very dark moment where misogyny is rising, violence against the LGBTQIA2+ community is rising, and I think a conversation that centers with women's sexual pleasure is a very moderate place to be having a conversation. People can have a conversation and feel confident talking about their own sexual pleasure, which makes it easier to recognize that, "Oh, everyone has a right to this. Everyone has a right to basic bodily autonomy. Everyone has a right to experience the pleasure their body is capable of experiencing." - Emily Nagoski “When you release pain, it means you have to move through this pain, and a lot of us have spent a very long time hiding from, or medicating, or just tolerating an incredible, intense amount of pain and suffering that was imposed on us, that we never chose for ourselves, and we know that we can just keep marching forward with that pain. And the first dip your toe into processing those difficult experiences feels terrifying.” - Emily Nagoski “bodies are a disappointment sometimes. They are complicated, and people have feelings about them, but you get this life, your body is the one and only thing you have on the day you're born, that you still have with you on the day you die, and it's the gift that there is of living a human life.” - Emily Nagoski “There's not a linear progression from broken to normal to perfect. That is not how sex works. We are all always moving through the cycle from the wounds that were created in our bodies in the first couple few decades of our lives to the healing that we're doing for ourselves now.” - Emily Nagoski   Guest Links Dr. Emily’s Website Dr. Emily’s Instagram Dr. Emily’s Facebook   Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle Book Come as You Are Book   Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

As our guest today says, “Everybody is here because somebody had sex.” Today we talk to Brandon Kyle Goodman about coming out from the shadows of your own desire. We’re looking at a new era of sex positivity in pop culture and in our lives. In this episode we explore themes from Brandon’s book: You Gotta Be You: How to Embrace This Messy Life and Step Into Who You Really Are.   Listen as Jen and Brandon discuss: Sex in Culture, The Importance of Diverse Representation Subverting Gender Norms in the Bedroom  Understanding Brandon’s Non-Binary Gender Identity  Exploring your Sexual Identity with Radical Self Acceptance and Love Coming Out and the Importance of Chosen Family It’s a new day for sex in our media, our bedrooms, and in our minds and hearts! This conversation illustrates the unbelievable freedom to be found in honoring your sexual identity. Share a moment with Jen and Brandon as they walk the path towards personal sexual liberation and finding peace within yourself.  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Chime | Increase your credit score with the Chime app! Get a higher credit score today at www.chime.com/ForTheLove   Sex Me Course | Sign up today for the presale on the Sex Me Course coming in March and save 40% at mecourse.org  Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise | Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise    Thought-Provoking Quotes “I fully believe that if you can tap into the vulnerability in the bedroom, you'll find your power everywhere else.” - Brandon Kyle Goodman “I always say self-love is the thing that saved my life. It is real. Loving yourself and knowing that you're worthy and filling your cup up. Pop culture tells you that your body, your skin, your gender is wrong. It is a radical act to love yourself in our world, but get about the business because on the other side of that is a life worth living.” - Brandon Kyle Goodman “All of us exist because somebody had sex. That's how this works. That's why you're here, so why are we pretending our parents don't do it? It's all as you said, it's a separate thing. It's put in a box and we don’t talk about it. Why can't we all be talking and learning and exploring and saying, "Oh, how did you ask about that? How did you get him to do that? How did you get her to do that? How did you navigate this?" The more we don't talk about it, the more shame we have, and so sex positivity is so important.” -Brandon Kyle Goodman “Give yourself permission to try things without feeling like it has to define you.” - Brandon Kyle Goodman “There's so much shame I think that queer folks inherently have around their sexuality. I think women also have this. No, I don't think–I know women also have this. Our bodies are policed, our sexuality is policed.”  - Brandon Kyle Goodman “I would say you have one life. Are you going to live it for you? Or you can live it for somebody else. I had a teacher who was in the closet and I found out after his mother passed that he finally came out, but at that point, he was in his 50s, and now it's this whole life that you've missed for this other person. Do it in your own time, but don't miss out on your life for somebody else's approval.” -Brandon Kyle Goodman “Let's hold multiple truths. Multiple things get to be true. The freedom to be you can be liberating and allow you to live your best life, but also there is a pain and a sadness and a longing from losing the people that may not be able to support you on that journey.” -Brandon Kyle Goodman Brandon’s Links Website: www.brandonkylegoodman.com Insta: @brandonkylegoodman Twitter: @brandonkgood Youtube: @brandonkgood Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Brandon Kyle Goodman acts and writes for shows: Big Mouth, and Human Resources on Netflix  Brandon Kyle Goodman’s Book “You Gotta Be You:  How to Embrace This Messy Life and Step Into Who You Really Are” Tricia Hersey’s Book “The Nap Ministry”  The Nap Ministry’s Instagram  Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s InstagramJen’s Twitter Jen’s FacebookJen’s YouTube

For this episode of the Sex series, we’re getting some adult sex education we wished we had learned when we were younger. Specifically around messages young men received around sex, and how this now manifests with toxic masculinity which unfortunately, seeps into the bedroom. Our guest today helps us find ways we can change these sexual narratives. While not all of us are in sexual relationships with men, the reality is that the way in which men perceive their status in the bedroom affects their roles outside of the bedroom. And when toxic masculinity is driving that inner monologue, we all lose. So today we’re addressing the ways this can affect us all, not only the cis hetero men in our lives.    A licensed sex coach and therapist, Cam Fraser teaches sex education for cis hetero men and their partners. As someone who has been hurt by unhealthy masculine culture, he’s passionate about changing toxic masculine narratives that affect us all, and freeing men up to be the fully realized humans they are longing to be (whether they know it or not).     In this episode, Cam and Jen discuss: Ideas on how to start conversations with your partner about sex Desire discrepancies in relationships and the difference between responsive and spontaneous libido Taking responsibility for your own arousal The spectrum of intimacy inside and outside the bedroom Unhealthy sexual narratives that feed toxic masculinity * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Betterhelp | Visit BetterHelp.com/ForTheLove to get 10% off your first month Thirdlove | Visit ThirdLove.com/forthelove and get 20% off your first order   Thought-Provoking Quotes "I think that it is a very detrimental story we are telling each other as men--that men's libido is high and unwavering and it's just purely physical, there's no emotions attached to it--men just want sex all the time. And women are telling men that too because we all got that same story."  - Cam Fraser “Overall we see a lot of over-pathologizing, over-medicalizing of male sexuality. I think that's a real issue, but one of the major ones I see is, "Oh, I'm not man enough because I don't want sex all the time," or, "I'm not jumping my partner every five minutes, so I must be broken.” - Cam Fraser “It's important to understand. There's a difference between physical arousal and mental subjective arousal.” - Cam Fraser “I think we live in quite a sex and pleasure negative society. And so conversations around sex are still, even though we're pushing for them to be more mainstream, they're still considered quite taboo.” - Cam Fraser “Conversations around sex can be really charged. If you're able to take some of the intensity out of those conversations and take some of the seriousness out of those conversations and keep it a little bit more playful, keep it a little bit more curious and lighthearted, then that's going to serve you well.” - Cam Fraser “There is a need for men to diversify their intimacy in terms of how they get their intimacy needs met.” - Cam Fraser “It's super important to have intimacy needs met in a diverse amount of ways. Because if you don't and then you get into a relationship and your partner is the only person that you can do that with, you're putting a lot of pressure and responsibility on your own as well and that can be detrimental to a relationship.” - Cam Fraser   Cam’s Links Cam's Instagram - @thecamfraser Cam's TikTok - @thecamfraser2.0 Cam’s Website   Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Dan Savage Website  Brené Brown's episode with Jen Hatmaker Trevor Noah on Lack of Male Intimacy   Connect with Jen! Jen’s Website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

Calling all book nerds! Are you looking for a place where your book-loving heart can flourish? Join us at jenhatmakerbookclub.com, and become one of our sisters in nerdiness. For January 2023 we’re excited to connect with an author who worked with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and penned a book featuring her many writings and thoughts titled My Own Words.. As one of Judge Ginsburg’s official biographers, Mary selected the writings and co-wrote the introductions to each chapter, providing biographical context and quotes gleaned from hundreds of interviews they had the pleasure of conducting the illustrious RGB. She shares about the special moments she had with the judge herself, in addition to some of her more notable writings, which are truly inspiring.  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise | Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise Jen Hatmaker Book Club | Use code READ for $5 off your first month at jenhatmakerbookclub.com  Me Course — Sex | Sign up for the presale price at 40% off at mecourse.org   Thought-Provoking Quotes “Sometimes I think people become famous and important, and then they say, ‘Okay, now I can throw a few scraps.’ But this was not [Ruth Bader Ginsburg] from the very beginning. Even in her very first briefs, she would cite in the brief, or even put as an author of the brief, someone whose work she found incredibly important with their permission, even though they had nothing to do with the case. It meant a lot to her to give credit to others who had inspired her. “ - Mary Hartnett “[Judge Ginsburg] did see that especially for younger people, learning the story and in really challenging times to represent this idea that things still can be better and more fair for everyone in the future, I think she got that.” - Mary Hartnett “[Judge Ginsburg] strongly believed that gender equality is good for everyone. Gender discrimination hurts everyone. It hurts men, women, others, children, our society, our country, our world. And so she firmly believed that.” - Mary Hartnett “Change wasn't just this intellectual thing that mattered to her. It was changing individuals' lives so that a young girl could hope to be a Supreme Court Justice or an astronaut. Not just a boy could have those hopes and dreams.” - Mary Hartnett “Everyone can't be Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but everyone can do something on the issues that they care about, which may be completely different than the issues that she cared about.” - Mary Hartnett   Guest’s Links Mary Hartnett Author Page   Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

As part of our For the Love of Sex series, we are talking to a Hollywood intimacy coordinator about the nitty gritty of consent, the emerging role of intimacy coordinators in Hollywood, and the future of creating consent culture on film and TV sets. There are ripple effects into the wider culture at large that happen when we prioritize safety and consent. A viral content creator on TikTok and CEO of her own company, Jessica Steinrock is helping change the way we understand consent on TV & film sets. Our favorite quote of hers is ‘’‘Yes’ means nothing unless ‘No’ is an option.”    In this episode, Jessica and Jen discuss: The historical context of consent in film and TV  How intimacy coordinators cultivate consent Jessica’s definition of consent The power of pairing media literacy and sex education  With her own company, Jessica is providing a framework for how we can experience consent in a variety of workplaces and helping change the way an entire industry approaches consent.  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Boll & Branch | Use promo code FortheLove and get 15% off your first set of sheets Me Course — Sex | Sign up for the presale price at 40% off at mecourse.org   Thought-Provoking Quotes "When actors have a sense of what's going to happen to their bodies, they know the arc of the scene. They have a time to think about how their character would want or move in those positions. They then layer on their acting onto this movement scaffold. And we create a better story. Because when actors are safe, they do their best work." - Jessica Steinrock "I love steamy scenes. I love spicy scenes. I am a romantic connoisseur in my media. I love it all. And I think what makes me love it though is knowing that these actors are safe while doing that, these actors are excited to tell those stories. That they weren't coerced into doing it because they think it's going to give them their break."  - Jessica Steinrock “[intimacy coordination] is a relatively new field and a rare field where women are the majority. What we need to see is a more diverse pool of intimacy coordinators. So, that we have more of those voices impacting and supporting women of color, black trans women, actors who have historically marginalized characteristics.” - Jessica Steinrock   Jessica’s Links Jessica's Instagram - @intimacy_coordinator_ Jessica's TikTok - @intimacycoordinator   Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Intimacy Directors and Coordinators Website  SAG-ATRA Intimacy Coordinator Resources   Connect with Jen! Jen’s Website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

“Good girls”, “naughty girls”, women with too tight skirts or too high heels. Women’s sexuality is being scrutinized and judged by forces outside of ourselves no matter what form it takes. Our guest today is Gina Gutierrez who seeks to empower women to stop listening to these outside voices and start listening to our inner eros by tuning in and turning on with audio erotica. We could not be more…excited. TedX speaker with over 1M views, and member of the Forbes Under 30 2020 list, Gina Gutierrez is celebrated for her work focusing on using the imagination to ignite women’s sexuality. With her co-founder Faye Keegan she created the app Dipsea to help women define their desire in an empowered way through audio erotica stories.   In this episode Gina and Jen discuss: The link between sexual fulfillment and the imagination Celebrating selfishness in prioritizing sexual pleasure Uncovering and healing the shame of “feeling different”  How embracing the erotic gives us our power  With Dipsea, Gina is helping provide a framework for how we can safely explore our fantasies and prioritize our own pleasure resulting in us being better lovers, caregivers and friends.  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Thistle Farms | Visit ThistleFarms.org and use promo code FortheLove to get 15% off your order Better Help | Visit BetterHelp.com/ForTheLove to get 10% off your first month Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise | Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise   Thought-Provoking Quotes "Desire isn't a problem to be solved — it's a fire to be stoked." - Gina Gutierrez "The brain is the biggest sex organ and everyone can benefit from expanding their sexual imagination."  - Gina Gutierrez “This idea of just giving up on what's possible to make you feel good and excited and make you want to turn towards your partner versus away from them or whatever it means to you, that felt like such a loss.” - Gina Gutierrez “Nobody ever suggested to us that it was important or valuable to find out what turns us on ever. That was nothing that was ever suggested to us. In fact, it was kind of the opposite. A lot of us came up feeling like this is not something good girls say, we do not have this conversation.”  - Gina Gutierrez “Maybe you don't have less of an interest in sex than you thought. Maybe you function differently than you thought. And maybe actually products, experiences, and stories that made you feel more comfortable and made your brakes less, 'I don't want that,' stop slamming your brakes so much could make you relax into pleasure." - Gina Gutierrez   Dipsea’s Links Dipsea Website - www.DipseaStories.com Dipsea Facebook - @DipseaStories Dipsea Twitter - @DipseaStories Dipsea Instagram - @DipseaStories Dipsea TikTok - @DipseaStories   Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Dipsea Website with Jen’s Link (dipseastories.com/jenhatmaker) Ted Talk by Gina Gutierrez A Billion Wicked Thoughts Dr. Emily Nagoski: Come As You Are Dr. Emily Nagoski - For the Love Podcast Episode Dr. Emily Nagoski: Podcast Audre Lorde reads Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power on YouTube Audre Lorde’s “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power” Essay Text OMG Yes - The Science of Women's Pleasure Jen’s FTL Enneagram Series   Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

Welcome to our first episode in our For the Love of Sex series! We’re excited to break open this topic and find ways to cultivate what sexual health means for each of us and lay down toxic perspectives surrounding sex in our lives. Today we’re talking about sexual shame and how that can show inside and outside the bedroom. Matthias Roberts is a psychotherapist, author and podcaster. He wrote a book on sexual shame called “Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms” and is committed to helping people find freedom feeling shame around sex. Jen and Matthias discuss: A working definition of what sexual shame isHow Matthias’s perspective on sex shifted after coming out in a Christian fundamentalist homeQuestions to ask ourselves to develop our own sexual ethicHow sexual shame can affect every area of our lifeWays to stay curious and let go of shame about sexMatthias’s queer theological perspective on sex The ways shame can seep into our lives is surprising. Join Jen and Matthias as they unpack, with a compassionate lens, how to stay curious and work toward kicking the shame-filled parts of our sex life to the curb. * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Chime | Sign up for your Chime Credit Builder Visa Credit Card today Chime.com/ForTheLove Thistle Farms | Visit ThistleFarms.org and use promo code FortheLove to get 15% off your order Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise | Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise Thought-Provoking Quotes “Sexuality is also a really core part of who we are. How we experience or do not experience sexuality is identity construing, and it should be. It is part of who we are.” - Matthias Roberts “We have our shame, we have our sexuality, and then we have our divine, or our beliefs around the divine, and what the divine commands of us or doesn't command of us around our sexuality. And when those things play together, we can get a pretty nasty mix really quickly.” - Matthias Roberts “So many of us try to push shame aside. That's our default, "Push it aside. We're not going to pay attention to this. This hurts." Or we get shut down by it, but we never quite take the time, or a lot of people don't take the time to really listen and figure out what the shame is actually telling us. And I think that's a really, really important place to start, because if we don't know what we're working with, the particularities of the shame, then how do we actually work with it?” - Matthias Roberts “I think there's something around queerness and the ways that queer sexual ethic or queer ways of thinking around sexuality can actually free everyone up.” - Matthias Roberts “What would it mean for our bodies to be good as they are right now? Can we get curious about that? If we feel I have a bad body or that sense of inferiority, what does it mean that my body as it is, right now, in this moment, might actually be good and can bring me pleasure?” - Matthias Roberts “Shame disconnects us. It disconnects us from our bodies, from our communities, from our partners. Sex connects us. It is ultimately a connecting force. So we can actually use our sexuality as a way to reconnect to our bodies, reconnect to our partners.” - Matthias Roberts   Guest’s LinksMatthias Roberts Website Matthias’s Facebook Matthias’s Instagram Matthias’s Twitter   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms For The Love Podcast Episode with Jay Stringer on Purity Culture For The Love Podcast Episode with Brene Brown on Vulnerability Sex, God, & the Conservative Church Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I  Normal Gossip Podcast Holy Runaways: Rediscovering Faith After Being Burned by Religion Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

So much is happening in real time in our world, obviously. And as a weekly podcast we can’t always speak immediately into the events that happen around us that need a bigger conversation. So we decided to take the time to look at those happenings, find some people who could walk us through the big events that have happened in the last 4 or 5 months and pop in with some conversations outside of our regular series for our premium subscribers. We’re talking about events that have us rethinking our stand on different issues, legislation being passed or overturned, and  justice issues–all in an effort to understand what's at the core of each one and figure out how to react. This week, we’re looking at issues around gun control. Wherever your entry point into this discussion is, it’s something that’s been top of mind for many of us. You may find this shocking, since the divides on this are reported with great zeal via the media, but according to Gallup, a great majority of us believe in the right to own guns. And a whopping 92% of us favor background checks on Every. Single. Gun. Purchase.  So, what’s the big hubbub about gun control if we’re nearly all in agreement?  Because right now background checks aren’t required for every single gun purchase. Millions of guns have found their ways into the hands of those who are using them for criminal purposes, via sellers who don’t do background checks. Consider that fact alongside the stat that firearm deaths are the highest among teens and young adults between 18-34. How can this be, and how can we change it? That’s what we’re stepping through in this episode with Diana Oestreich, a veteran combat medic who served in Iraq. Diana’s an activist who is a self-proclaimed “peace wager” and she’s returning to our show to walk us through what’s going on and what we can do to change the situation to make the world a safer place for our kids. And spoiler alert: it doesn’t require everyone to have to hand over their guns.    Thought-Provoking Quotes “Just this year, guns are the number one killer of kids in America. That demands action and I'm committed to it.”  – Diana Oestreich  “I totally believe that it is A-okay to own a gun. I come from a family of hunters, I am the daughter, the mom, the sister of hunters. Is there a place in the American battery of rights to own an AR-15–a weapon of war? Do you need a weapon of war? No, you don't. Do you know that a grenade is a weapon of war? It is illegal. No American can own a grenade. And that’s a good thing.” - Diana Oestreich “The antidote to despair is action.” – Diana Oestreich   “The most powerful thing is that our kids know that they are part of doing good in the world. That's something that will make them resilient to violence.” – Diana Oestreich     Diana’s LinksWebsite Instagram Twitter The Waging Peace Project   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

This episode of our What If Series asks; what if we looked inward to discover what makes us tick, who are the voices shaping us, and why are we choosing them? We also consider the question; who’s the most important person in your life? The answers most people give are what you’d expect, but our guest this week proposes that we dig deeper to find a different answer that will ultimately change how we approach life.  Our guest, Dr. Corey Yeager, is a psychotherapist for the Detroit Pistons, a life coach, and an author. He appeared in the documentary, The Me You Can’t See, by Oprah and Prince Harry, and recently released a book that poses 40 questions we should be asking ourselves as we create a roadmap to discover our purpose and explore who we want to become.   In this episode Dr. Corey and Jen discuss: Becoming a psychotherapist for NBA playersHow self talk affects our outlookWhy asking intentional big questions can reframe our lifeHow the timing is now for a love affair with yourself The most important conversation you can have is the one with yourself. Dr. Corey gives us the guidance and encouragement to do just that. Join Jen and Dr. Corey in an insightful discussion of self love, self talk, and staying curious.    * * * Thank you to our sponsors! BetterHelp | Visit BetterHelp.com/forthelove and get 10% off your first month Thistle Farms | Visit ThistleFarms.org and use promo code FortheLove to get 15% off your order Me Course | Head to mecourse.org to register and start your new year feeling inspired!       Thought-Provoking Quotes “Most people have never thought about being a genius, ever. They would tell you, ‘I'm not a genius. I'm not a genius.’ But if someone says, ‘No. Be still. Think through this. Yes, you do have a genius. What is it?’ If you had to sit with that and play with that and grind with that, it would produce ... And actually not just the answer. The answer is not the key. The process towards the answer. The things that you play with, that you work through, that you cried through, that you laugh about. That is what we want more of." - Dr. Corey Yeager “I believe that at about nine, 10, 11, up into the 12, 13 year old range, we are handed a set of values. Our people around us, my grandparents, my mom, dad, my brother, they handed me a set of values. I didn't really get much say in it. They handed them to me and I agreed with it because I love my people. So then after I'm 12, 13, 14 years old, I move into the world holding those values, moving through the world with those values and never really re-engaging or checking in with myself to say, does that still work for me?.” - Dr. Corey Yeager “Discomfort should be an indicator that I'm growing into something that is quite important. So I think this indicator is something that will give us a signal.” - Dr. Corey Yeager “I submit that it is time for us to have a love affair with ourselves. I need to love me. And I'm glad my wife loves me and I'm glad my mama loves me and my kids love me. I'm glad, Jen, that they love me. But the most important love that I'm going to have is mine. If you don't know yourself, it's very hard to love yourself.” - Dr. Corey Yeager “So instead of using jealousy and just letting it sit, how about if we looked at those jealous moments, understood it as desire, and allowed that to become a GPS that told us where we wanted to head.” - Dr. Corey Yeager “We all hold the answers to everything we need. Everything that happens in my life today, I am fully equipped for. Anything that occurs, I'm fully equipped for, for this moment. And if we trust that, if we understand our lives as such, then we can move with confidence.” - Dr. Corey Yeager Guest’s LinksDr. Corey Yeager Website Dr. Corey's Facebook Dr. Corey's Twitter Dr. Corey’s Instagram   Resources Mentioned in This Episode How Am I Doing: 40 Conversations to Have with Yourself The Me You Can’t See   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

This episode of our What If Series asks what if you have big dreams and what if you didn’t let failure stop you from trying? Our guest is entrepreneur Kendra Scott, an intrepid businesswoman who built a billion dollar business while carrying her baby boy to sales meetings. She started with $500 and eventually created her dream, a 97% women run business that gives back to the community in meaningful ways. She breaks down the “why” and the “how” of building a jewelry empire and that asking for help from her people was key to her success.  In this episode Kendra and Jen discuss: Failing at her first business with a kid and no college degreeWhere her “Why” came fromIntentionally building a woman and mom-centric businessThe importance of asking for help The What If’s of our past can bury us under, so we never dream of our next things. But some of our next steps can be found in the rubble of our failures. Join Jen and Kendra in an honest discussion of entrepreneurship, motherhood, and community.    * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Third Love | Visit ThirdLove.com/forthelove and get 20% off your first order Boll & Branch | Use promo code FortheLove and get 15% off your first set of sheets Jen Hatmaker & Friends Cruise | Book your spot now at JenHatmaker.com/cruise   Thought-Provoking Quotes “Because the ones that don't even try never know. And even if it doesn't work out, even if you fail. And I failed, I failed in my first business, that failure was the greatest education I ever got into business. It was my bridge to help me build the successful business I have today. And I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you, Jen if I didn't have that failed business. So I think for anyone out there scared, I always say, and I wrote this in Born to Shine, in my book, is put yourself in the worst case scenario, really think about it. And then you go, okay, you lived in that moment, and it wasn't so bad. Now I know what that's like. So now I'm going to just try to go for it." - Kendra Scott “Sometimes, we get ourselves buried in what ifs of our past and they hold us down from moving forward to our what ifs of the future, the dreaming what ifs.” - Kendra Scott “It is so hard in the moment to sometimes see the forest through the trees kind of thing, to see your way through. And it sometimes takes getting to that other place to then realize and you can see the path exactly back to where you began and why you had to go there.” - Kendra Scott “And I think if we can start taking those nos or the naysayers or the dream stealers and start to actually, when they say those things, get excited, make it more like, ‘Ooh, tell me I can't do it. Tell me, please.’ Ooh, I like it when someone tells me I can't do something because then I'm like, ‘Woo, let's go.’” - Kendra Scott “Stay open because we don't know what's going to come next.” - Kendra Scott I think for me, I'm still that dorky girl from Wisconsin. And I think sometimes I hope that the book too just knows that as these things happen, some people, it can affect them. And for me, I'm still me.” - Kendra Scott “Anything is possible. I promise you. I know in some moments it doesn't feel like they are, but if you can get your mind to know that you got this burning amazing light in your story, is what makes you great. So don't be ashamed to share who you really are.”  - Kendra Scott Guest’s LinksKendra Scott Website Kendra Scott's Facebook Kendra Scott's business Instagram Kendra Scott’s personal Instagram   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Born to Shine: Do Good, Find Your Joy, and Build a Life You Love   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

In this episode of the What If Series, we are asking some big questions around using your experience and skills to start something completely new or get imaginative on how you can positively affect your community with what you already have. What do you bring to the table with the whole totality of your experience that could be a force of good for your community or for the people around you? Our guest is leader and teacher Emily Pillton-Lam, an inspiring thinker and author of several books and creator of the nonprofit – Girls Garage. She’s taught thousands of gender expansive youth how to use power tools and to dream of a world built more equitably and sustainably, and she’s dreamt about what it would look like if girls/women were empowered to facilitate the surroundings in our world differently–with an eye toward thinking more communally and factoring in the lived experience of the people around them.   In this episode Emily and Jen discuss: The shocking statistics around gender imbalance in Architecture, Engineering and Construction WorldsWhy power tools can make you feel superhumanHow it takes messy courage to change course and start something newDreaming of a world built by women Emily gives us insight into the big “what if” question we might all ask ourselves: what if we could affect our world with the skills and experience we have right now?  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Chime | Sign up for your Chime Credit Builder Visa Credit Card today Chime.com/ForTheLove     Thought-Provoking Quotes “I think what I discovered through the act of building was both the physical power of it, like I could build something that was tangible and I could point to it and say I built that and we built that as a group of people, working together. Also, this was one of the first times where I looked around and there were other teenagers who were diverse, who were from all over the country, who had all kinds of various family stories, school experiences and yet, we were all on this construction site, building this thing together and it just felt ... like a light went off. This is the thing that makes me feel powerful and purposeful and that I don't have to check who I am at the door, that I could be my full self. So that's the gift that I think construction gave to me at a young age, and it's a gift that I have committed my adult life to paying forward and paying back and giving back to other young people." - Emily Pilloton-Lam “For women, a lot of our lives are influenced by, or sometimes dictated by how we view our bodies in the world.” - Emily Pilloton-Lam “So this is how I think about power tools. Of course, they're fun, they're exciting to learn, but they're like a real metaphor for what women can do and what women can contribute in the world in a physical way.” - Emily Pilloton-Lam “I think going to an art school and studying architecture was the thing that then set me up to start a nonprofit that was rooted in who I was, but also, this larger idea about service that would bring other people in too.” - Emily Pilloton-Lam “I got to work with people that sometimes I didn't agree with. I got to be in rooms where I sometimes didn't belong. I learned a lot from those couple years where I wasn't doing what I ultimately wanted to do.” - Emily Pilloton-Lam “One of the first things that you see when you walk [into Girls Garage], in our reception area, on the left-hand wall, there's a tiled wall, there's all these wood tiles and every tile has the name of a student who's been here and there's like a thousand of them. So you walk in and your name is literally on the wall, alongside hundreds of other girls, so you don't ever have to doubt that you belong here.” - Emily Pilloton-Lam “What matters to me is that no matter where you end up, you've been in a place where you know what it feels like to be seen and respected. Then, you can go and demand that when you don't feel that way later.”  - Emily Pilloton-Lam “It's actually incredibly hopeful to me when I think, what would the world look like if it was built by women or by more people of color or by people with differing physical abilities or people of different ages.” -  Emily Pilloton-Lam “I firmly, firmly believe that a world designed by women is a world designed for everyone…women think about space and think about belonging and public space in a very different way, and it's often more equitable, often more communal and more considerate of the human experience..” - Emily Pilloton-Lam “Women are good for the world, period. We think communally, we think about our neighbor. We think about the lived experience of the people around us in a way that's really special and specific.” - Jen Hatmaker   Guest’s LinksEmily Pilloton-Lam's Website Girls Garage's Facebook Girls Garage's Instagram   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Emily’s Article “To Remake the World, Give Girls All the (Power) Tools” Girls Garage Website If You Build It Documentary Emily's Ted Talk "What If Women Built the World They Want to See" Girls Garage Book "How to Use Any Tool, Tackle Any Project, and Build the World You Want to See"   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

We’re knee deep in our What If Series and we’re bringing a twist to the conversation. This powerful interview is a note-taking worthy one; a powerful conversation on one of the most misunderstood emotions we have as humans: regrets. How can we harness our regrets toward forward momentum instead of drowning in them? Our guest is writer and researcher Daniel H. Pink, a fascinating thinker and author of several books–five of them New York Times bestselling works. His latest book is The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.  In this episode Daniel and Jen discuss: Basic neurology behind regretHow age can affect regretThe four main types of regret we all feelHow to vaporize the negative effects of regret through practical to dos Daniel teaches us to confront our regrets, listen to our regrets, use them as data, as feedback, and draw lessons from them. He shows us the evidence from social psychology, that if we deal with our regrets properly, we can become better problem solvers, strategists and ultimately find more meaning in life.  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Me Course - New Year | Head to mecourse.org to register and start your new year feeling inspired!    Jen Hatmaker Book Club | Use the code READ and get $5 off your first month at jenhatmakerbookclub.com.   Thought-Provoking Quotes “One can listen to the stories of other people, and if they have a little bit of mileage on them as I do, they can stop and say, "What are the lessons anybody can learn from this?" - Daniel H. Pink “What do you do when nobody's watching? What do you do? Because it's who you are. And it took me a while, Jen. It took me a while to realize like, ‘Hey, wait a second. I think I'm a writer.’” - Daniel H. Pink “Everybody has regrets. So if you feel regret, it doesn't mean that you're flawed. It doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong. It means that you are a human being. In fact, what we know from a whole pile of research here, so there's 50 or 60 years of research in social psychology, in cognitive science, in neuroscience, in developmental psychology, what it tells us is that regret is one of the most common emotions that human beings have. It's arguably the most common negative emotion that human beings have. It is ubiquitous in the human experience. We have piles of evidence showing that regret is omnipresent in our lives. It is everywhere. In fact, it's so prevalent, Jen, that if you lack regrets, that's probably a sign of a problem.” - Daniel H. Pink “Regret is a very complicated, sophisticated kind of emotion. It involves traveling in time in your head, negating things that really happen, coming to the present. It's very difficult.” - Daniel H. Pink “We have a half century of evidence showing that if we process our regrets in a systematic, intelligent way, don't ignore them, don't get wigged out by them, but listen to them, they can make us better.” - Daniel H. Pink “I've made so many decisions in the last week, most of which I don't remember, but there were decisions and indecisions and actions that happened three decades ago that not only I remember, but that bother me. That's a very strong signal.” - Daniel H. Pink “Regret clarifies what I value and instructs me on how to do better.”  - Daniel H. Pink “Foundation regrets, if only I'd done the work. Boldness regrets, if only I'd taken the chance. Moral regrets, if only I'd done the right thing. And connection regrets, if only I'd reached out. And around the world, those seem to be the foremost prevalent types of regret.” -  Daniel H. Pink “We fear that when we are vulnerable, people will think less of us when in fact they think more of us.” - Daniel H. Pink “We treat ourselves with kindness rather than contempt. We talk about it or write about it to defang it. And then we explicitly draw a lesson from it and apply that lesson going forward. And when we do that, regret is useful.” - Daniel H. Pink   Guest’s LinksDaniel H. Pink's Website Daniel H. Pink's Facebook Daniel H. Pink's Twitter   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Daniel H. Pink’s Book “The Power of Regret” Kristin Neff’s Self Compassion Research Brene Brown’s Viral Ted Talk on Shame World Regret Survey   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

As tons of us in the Jen Hatmaker Book Club can agree, a good book is a bit of a refuge at any time of the year, but especially in the swirl of the holidays. It's just stealing away minutes for our mind to not be thinking about planning and gifting and gatherings and shopping and cooking–not to mention expectations and the pressure to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But getting to bury our nose in a book or even playing an audiobook has a way of transporting us to a different place entirely and giving us a break. This month we had the wonderful book Hamnet for that fleeting mental retreat we all need around this time of year. We’re getting to talk to Maggie O’Farrell, the amazing author of this atmospheric and emotional book. Maggie is an incredible novelist. She's the winner of the Women's Prize for Fiction in 2020 and her memoir, I Am, I Am which was a New York Times number one bestseller. Not only is she highly awarded with her adult fiction titles, she is also a beloved children's book writer. Even this interview was a bit of transport to another place as Maggie spoke to us in person from Edinburgh in Scotland. She and Jen discuss the book, their shared love of reading, started at an early age, and how amazing it is to find new stories to be told from the classic works of Shakespeare. If you’re not already a member of the book club, there’s so much more to discover in the conversations around amazing books we’re reading together. Jump on over to jenhatmakerbookclub.com after this episode to sign up!  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Jen Hatmaker Book Club | Use code READ for $5 off your first month at www.jenhatmakerbookclub.com  Me Course - New Year | Head to mecourse.org to register and start your new year feeling inspired!       Thought-Provoking Quotes “For me the purpose was to put Hamnet center stage and to say to my readers, this boy was important. His life was short, it was hugely significant. And without this child we would not have Hamlet and we probably wouldn't have Twelfth Night.”  - Maggie O’ Farrell “The biggest drama of Shakespeare's real life happened off stage, and that's back in Stratford-upon-Avon–the death of his son. So I wanted to focus on that life rather than the one in London that we've seen many times and in many other novels, films and TV series.” - Maggie O’ Farrell “I think we all have our own version of Shakespeare in our heads, don't we? And they're all different, and I think that's fine.I think that's partly why he's of such enduring fascination because he's still open to so many new interpretations.” - Maggie O’ Farrell   Guest’s Links Maggie’s Website Maggie’s Facebook   Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode Hamnet Book I Am, I Am Book The Boy Who Lost His Spark Children’s Book   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

It’s our first episode of the new year and we’re kicking it off with a brand new series as well. Jen’s always been fascinated by people who take risks, reinvent themselves, or chase a dream that might seem lofty or impossible. What’s the secret sauce to putting our dreams into action, and “what if” we actually get to that thing we always wanted to do in life?  To start our series off in a powerful way, we’ve got a guest who has lived out her “what If” moment in the face of fear, trepidation and potentially walking away from a more “sure” thing. Podcast, author, and digital marketer Jenna Kutcher excelled at her first corporate job, where after just a few years, she was looking at a big promotion and more money. Jenna couldn’t shake the feeling that this move for more money and responsibility would be a tough trade off for long hours and time away from the things and people she cared about. Jenna shares the surprising decision she made, what it cost her and how it planned out—while posing questions that maybe we’ve all considered at one time or another: What happens when money doesn’t necessarily bring you the quality of life you’re longing for? What happens when the dreams you have just won’t take a backseat to the practical plan you had for your life? Jen and Jenna give their takes on what it’s like to realize the career or life situation you’ve chosen (or maybe that chose you) isn’t quite the fit you you thought it would be, and they give us permission to chase the thing that brings out the best of who we really are.  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Third Love | Visit ThirdLove.com/forthelove and get 20% off your first order Me Course - New Year | Head to mecourse.org to register and start your new year feeling inspired!     Jen Hatmaker Book Club | Join the Jen Hatmaker Book Club before January 5th and get a Me Course for free! Visit jenhatmakerbookclub.com.    Thought-Provoking Quotes “We are so quick to abandon what got us somewhere. Instead, we could leverage that thing to get us to the next place.” - Jenna Kutcher “If you do not have safety and security, creativity is really hard to muster up. Because a lot of people just abandon things and then they're like, "Oh my gosh, I have to take any money that will come in," and they find themselves doing things they don't love.” - Jenna Kutcher “I think that with hustle culture, it's beautiful because, yeah, you got to hustle to get things off the ground, but where is your enough point? Where do you start to say, ‘And now I can rest, or, well done, or now I protect my time?’”- Jenna Kutcher “I realized this trend in my life where when I finally give myself bandwidth and time and space to breathe and think, that is when the best things happen.” - Jenna Kutcher “I think for so many of us, it's like the dial on the stereo is up on the world's noise and your mother-in-law's opinion and your neighbor's car and all these things. It's like we've got to turn our intuition back up and we've got to trust that voice again.” - Jenna Kutcher “Trust the unfolding of your life and trust yourself through the process of the unfolding. Because I think that a lot of times when we're in those seasons, you feel like it's never going to end.” -  Jenna Kutcher "Time is our currency. When we treat it that way and when we recognize that this is the one thing we can't go out and earn more of, we can't get back. The way that we spend our days is how we spend our life. Make sure that your day is reflecting where you want your life to go."  - Jenna Kutcher   Guest’s LinksJenna Kutcher Website Jenna Kutcher Instagram Jenna Kutcher Facebook Jenna Kutcher Twitter   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Me Course   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

It’s our anticipated annual solo episode where we get to spend time with Jen reflecting on the year and the changes that have occurred in her life and our collective lives. And whew, have Things™ happened! We are still in the cyclone of massive change that launched out of 2020. Jen recently entered an empty nest phase this year and began a new relationship (an LDR relationship to boot) for the first time in years. She opens up about her relationship with Tyler in a completely new way and offers some hope for those navigating the waters of being single or testing out tough relationships. Whatever comes in the new year, Jen is committed to trying new things and believing that things do get better. It might be messy and wildly nonlinear but there is hope and there is progress and there is a future worth fighting for. I mean, Jen is still shocked she wrote a bestselling cookbook at age 47. If you had asked her in her twenties if that was her future, she would have laughed in your face. Whether you want to overhaul your own life or dip your toe into a new venture, Jen’s with you and cheering you on. We end this episode with Jen sharing what’s on her mind for the new year and what’s to come on the podcast and beyond. We hope you go into your new year feeling like you have a community that gets you, supports you, and that you have permission to try new things. Happy new year, pod community! * * * Thank you to our sponsors! BetterHelp | Visit BetterHelp.com/forthelove and get 10% off your first month Jen Hatmaker Book Club | Join the Jen Hatmaker Book Club before January 5th and get a Me Course for free! Visit jenhatmakerbookclub.com.  Me Course - New Year | Head to mecourse.org to register and start your new year feeling inspired!       Thought-Provoking Quotes “Some years just come and go without a lot of seismic changes, or big life moments. Some years are huge. This has been a huge year for me, as was last year, and the year before.” - Jen Hatmaker "That's the nice thing about [starting a relationship] when you're older--you're mature, you've lived a lot of life and you're hopefully more generous, more wise and more grounded." - Jen Hatmaker “I've grown a lot, a lot, a lot through understanding things through Tyler's lens, and staying curious toward him, and fighting all my instincts, which are trauma related, to be scared, and reactive, and triggered.”  - Jen Hatmaker “It is 100% okay, more than okay, to choose not to get married or even to partner up. That choice is viable. That is a real choice. It has merit for a trillion reasons.” - Jen Hatmaker “The faith of my childhood did not teach me that God had any interest in our pleasure…in fact the opposite was more true. The harder something was probably the godlier it was. Or the more I denied myself something that felt beautiful or wonderful, that probably meant I was being obedient…God made this world to just be so enjoyed and to heal us and to nurture us. And that feels so crystal clear, true to me now that I'm shocked that it wasn't always.”  - Jen Hatmaker “Having a chance to be alone, whether you chose it or didn't, it doesn't matter, is a chance to look really deeply inside. Who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy? What makes me tick? Where are my own personal pain points? Let's not imagine we got this far in our life perfectly and everybody around us was just problematic.” - Jen Hatmaker "If you find yourself solo right now, take this time. Go deeply inside. Know who you are, be your own best friend, emerge as your best self--whether or not that best self ever partners up or marries, it doesn't matter because that's how you want to be in the world.” -  Jen Hatmaker "I've been parenting since I was 23. I've done all that heavy lifting and I loved it. I wouldn't change one day of it--but it also feels great to be mostly done. Look at my young adult kids--I think they're fantastic. I'm getting to watch them start to fly."  - Jen Hatmaker “Whatever the thing is that you're kicking around in your head, maybe, you can see it from where you're standing even though it's different. It's like an offshoot. Or it could be a complete yard sale. You do an overhaul. You start something so wildly new, so unprecedented in your life, either way, why not you? It's not too late.”  - Jen Hatmaker “There is no template for suffering and healing. There's no timeline. It is not linear. My experience has been that it's two steps forward and 5 steps back all the time. It wasn't like I was sad, then I got progressively happier--that's not how grief works.” - Jen Hatmaker “Life is going to go on. I don't exactly know how. I don't exactly know what it's going to look like. I don't have any of that figured out, but I know that I'm going to be okay. I know that my heart is going to be okay. It's going to be mended. I know that whatever happens, I will be enough for me, forever.”  - Jen Hatmaker “I was just reminded that hope is not foolish. It's not foolish, it is brave. It's audacious maybe, but it's not foolish. This is our moment in time. This is our little spot on the historical timeline to fight for what matters in the same way that every generation has done before us.” - Jen Hatmaker “We have choice. We have agency. What are we going to do with it?” - Jen Hatmaker   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Me Course   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

It’s the benediction episode in our “Ending the Year with a Bang” series and what a well of wisdom we have for you. The Dalia Lama of the Christian faith who resides in and walks the trails of beautiful rural Georgia–a For the Love favorite—Barbara Brown Taylor, shares her priceless insights with us. She and Jen talk blueberry pies, retired racehorses who get a second chance at life in her backyard, and making room for friendships when the world wants us, above all else, to be productive. She shares a “Farewell to 2022” prayer that she composed specifically for this podcast community (which might have elicited a tear or two) and how considering new rhythms in our day to day might bring us new life in 2023. Barbara wants to remind us that God created this world to be enjoyed and to heal and nurture us. As we contemplate how we are looking to live in this coming year, BBT has this to say to us all: “be patient with the changing seasons and not insisting that spring be like fall or that winter be like summer; trust the change in them. There's a rhythm that is settling into a pattern and then there's a point at which the rhythm means breaking the pattern to insert a slower rhythm, a more attentive rhythm. It is a great walk of trust.”  * * * Thank you to our sponsor! BetterHelp | Visit BetterHelp.com/forthelove and get 10% off your first month   Thought-Provoking Quotes “It's been an odd liminal transition space between two heavy pandemic years and then seeing what comes next with really no assurance about what comes next. Which I think for people of faith, it is a great walk, a great kind of trust walk. So my 2022 has been a lot about deciding how much normal I want to go back to and what kind of a tempo I want to live because at this point everything's picking up again and I have found myself rushing and busy and distracted and I remember that too well and there are not enough years left to live like that. So 2022 has been for me a hinge year. It's been a year for coming to terms with age, both the fear of what that means and the invitation that it brings perhaps especially for a woman, I'm not sure about that. But the fear is about the stereotypes.” - Barbara Brown Taylor “I prayed much differently in my twenties than I did in my thirties or forties or now. So to be patient with the changing seasons and not insisting that spring be like fall or that winter, be like summer, but to be patient with the rhythms and to trust. To trust the change in them.” - Barbara Brown Taylor “Part of realizing God is with us is giving up illusions. That means that God is very chatty and always available. I mean I'm an introvert so I recognize one when I see one. And sometimes God with us means God's silent and withdrawn and that does not mean God's gone.” - Barbara Brown Taylor “My understanding of my Christian faith is it's the religion of the neighbor and it's the religion whose prime teacher said, "If you've got to choose between your religion and your neighbor, choose your neighbor…Because I never told you to love your religion.” - Barbara Brown Taylor “The faith of my childhood did not teach me that God had any interest in our pleasure…in fact the opposite was more true. The harder something was probably the godlier it was. Or the more I denied myself something that felt beautiful or wonderful, that probably meant I was being obedient…God made this world to just be so enjoyed and to heal us and to nurture us. And that feels so crystal clear, true to me now that I'm shocked that it wasn't always.”  - Jen Hatmaker “I've got to attend to the sustainability of a supple heart. And all of that means as we've been talking about kind of changing closer, further back, local, global, just finding a way to remain present to all the things you just named and more without becoming wooden or completely fatigued beyond any usefulness.”  - Barbara Brown Taylor “Hope can become a way of not being in the present, a way of refusing what is happening right now and a kind of insistence on a better thing coming. And so I'm real wary of hope unless it functions right here, right now. And so hope becomes really a wish to be more faithful to the reality I'm planted in when it's horrible and when it's lovely.” - Barbara Brown Taylor “This is the age when all the cliches come true. Life is short and grief is the price we pay for love and all fleshes grass. And guess what? Love, intimacy, closeness, friendship. That's what counts. That's what lasts.”  - Barbara Brown Taylor   Guest’s LinksBarbara Brown Taylor Website Barbara Brown Taylor Facebook   Resources Mentioned in This Episode Rhythm of Prayer Book   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

***Content Warning: This episode mentions suicide***Description It’s the second episode in our “Ending the Year with a Bang” series and we are leaning in hard as to how to stop spinning out and find a way forward or sideways or any direction really–we just don’t want to be stuck. We are getting into the nooks and crannies of how our brains work and how “micro-yeses” are powerful medicine for our psyches. If you are or ever have been in a place of feeling stuck or maybe even plastered to the floor from feeling overwhelmed, then step right in. Our guest, Britt Frank, is a trauma specialist with her own incredible story of restoration from several addictions and she has fantastic insight for navigating feeling stuck in unhealthy cycles. We can all find hope in the understanding that despite how it might appear sometimes, we are not crazy and our behaviors have reasons that are mapped all over our brains. The good news is we can shift our behaviors in some really simple and attainable ways that Britt shares with us in her no-holds barred style. In the spirit of finishing this year well, let’s all make a pact to stop labeling ourselves as crazy and start believing that our “stuff” makes sense and doesn’t have to hold us hostage. * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Storyworth | Head to StoryWorth.Com/forthelove and save $10 on your first purchase  BetterHelp | Visit BetterHelp.com/forthelove and get 10% off your first month Jen's Favorite Things Gift Guide | Listen to this special podcast episode for exclusive discounts on gifts that give back this holiday season!   Thought-Provoking Quotes “My behaviors weren't good, but there's no such thing as a crazy person. If you look at everyone up close, everything always makes sense in context. Even if you don't know what that means, even if you don't know what that is, and when you stop shaming yourself and you start committing to, hey, I'm not subscribing to my behaviors, I'm not saying these should stay, but I'm not going to shame myself. I'm going to go, wow, this is an interesting adaptation to an injury. And, okay, I'm not crazy. I make sense. My stuff makes sense. My burnout makes sense. My depression makes sense for me. My meth addiction made sense. And what a beautiful message to know that we're not crazy, no one is.” - Britt Frank “If you're still breathing, there's another step to be taken, so take it. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing, just go. Because the second you move in any direction, even if it's the wrong direction, you're no longer inert, you're no longer stuck.” - Britt Frank “I didn't have a pivotal moment. It was a long series of unfortunate events with some moments that kept me inspired to not die. And I kept going.” - Britt Frank “In order to be a happy person, you need to be a whole person. But in order to be whole, we have to deal with the less than shiny things about ourselves.” - Britt Frank “That's a mile 26 problem, trying to love and forgive yourself. But we try to do it at mile one and then go, ‘what's wrong with me that I can't forgive myself?’ That's not the stage of the process we're at. Let's start by getting rid of the lie stories and that'll make it a lot easier to get to self-love and compassion and forgiveness later.”  - Britt Frank   Guest’s LinksBritt Frank Website Britt Frank Instagram   Resources Mentioned in This Episode The Science of Stuck Book   Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube

Ask and you shall receive, folks. For years, Jen’s followers have begged for a cookbook and quite literally willed it into existence, and now it’s here in all its glory! For our November book club episode, Jen is joined by OG book club member Denise Gruzensky, who’s been cooking her way through Feed These People and is ready to grill Jen (no pun intended) on her early influences, including; cooking with kids interrupting you every two seconds, what to do when your loved ones can’t eat meat, and how to make your food work for you and your people. Happy Holidays and happy cooking!  If you’re not already a member of the book club, there’s so much more to discover in the conversations around amazing books we’re reading together. Head to jenhatmakerbookclub.com after this episode to sign up!  * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Jen's Favorite Things Gift Guide | Listen to this special podcast episode for exclusive discounts on gifts that give back this holiday season! Thistle Farms | Use code ForTheLove to save 15% off the entire website excluding sale items   Join the Jen Hatmaker Book Club today! jenhatmakerbookclub.com    Thought-Provoking Quotes “I knew that I loved making delicious food and creating something great in the kitchen, but I noticed I really liked writing about it and to layer over two things that I loved. Because really I'm a writer first.” - Jen Hatmaker “I used all these years of just writing helter skelter on social media as a template. It isn't one by the way, that is not industry standard. But that's the way that I had figured out food writing, which was just outside of the typical structure.” - Jen Hatmaker “We're all laughing as we're cooking because intermittently there's comedy even in the recipe itself.” - Denise Gruzensky “I think when it comes to cooking, the sum is greater than its parts. Yes, it's just an onion and it's garlic and it's a sub sandwich, but something about it, like the process of it, the possibility of it, the nourishment of it and then the appreciation of it, it's like, Well, maybe I'll learn to paint, maybe I'll write a book. So, I hope that it inspires a little bit of creativity in everybody.” - Jen Hatmaker “I just had so much to learn and I was willing to learn anything and try anything. I feel like the Food Network, I joke about that all the time, that's really where I learned how to cook. I just watched those shows and I watched how they chopped things and I learned technique and I figured out they would teach me about flavors that went together and how to fix something that tasted flat. Just all these things that cooks know, but I did not.” - Jen Hatmaker “I'm on the other side of this just complete seed change in my life. I've learned a lot. I have something new to say. I have something new that I've experienced and learned and I'm not quite ready to write it, but I can see its edges starting to take a little shape.” - Jen Hatmaker   Guest’s LinksDenise’s website Denise’s Instagram Denise’s Facebook Denise’s Twitter   Books & Resources Mentioned in This EpisodeMike Burbiglia Of Mess & Moxie Food Network H-E-B Southern Living  Real Simple  Food and Wine Magazine  Feed These People    Connect with Jen!Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube