Conscious Manipulation

Parental Development

30-11-2022 • 37 mins

This week's episode talks through ways parents use dishonesty and threats to manipulate the behavior of their kids.

In this week's 'What in the Week,' we again talk through ways to hold boundaries for our kids while being gentle and validating the feelings and reactions to our kids. There's a difference in trying to manage how our kids feel about boundaries and managing their behavior. Gentle parenting does not allow kids to do whatever they want. It DOES allow kids to have whatever reaction and feeling they want.

For some reason, we feel validated in our dishonesty with our kids if it's meant to change their behavior, while also being incensed if our kids lie to us or use dishonest means to get their way or what they want.

If you try to impose a boundary you can't enforce, by definition you are practicing permissive parenting. It's also not healthy to use the threat of loss of relationship to manipulate the behavior or kids.

Ultimately, I am not trying to raise well behaved kids, I'm trying to raise healthy adults. If we protect our kids so much from making mistakes and messing up, we also insulate them from resiliency, problem solving, critical thinking, and repair. Eventually our kids are going to make mistakes, and we believe if they can do that in small ways while they have the support of their family and support system, their prognosis will be much better.

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